Breaking up sucks.
Yep, there’s no way around it.
Whether you know it’s the best thing or were blind-sighted, there’s a lot of downfalls to breaking up.
Besides not having a partner by your side, you’re left to deal with the emotional turmoil.
Explaining the breakup to friends.
Wondering if anyone will be better.
… Yet, maybe hoping no one is the same.
Wondering if you’ll be single forever.
Back to third-wheeling with your friends.
And answering questions from family about why you’re still single.
And eventually, just maybe, getting back into the dating field which is perhaps evne more daunting than the breakup itself.
But before that, you need to deal with your reoccurring thoughts about the heartbreak.
These are just a sampling of the horrible things you may go through when you split with a partner.
While these are very real thoughts and experiences, there’s also another side.
Yep, there’s some good things to this breakup too.
… Even if you were (or are still) sure they were “the one.”
In this post, we’re counting the fabulous things that can come from a breakup. That way, you have even a tiny bit of positivity and breakup inspiration to look forward to amongst the dark, hazy clouds.
During a breakup, you need to feel your feelings and process the trauma. But it’s healthy to have a wide perspective on the situation. That means also thinking of the good things that could come of the split. While they may not “stick” in your mind as much as the “bad” thoughts, over time, contemplating them can help you feel better. So, let’s jump into them.
No matter which gender you are, I bet you’ve had a partner ‘steal’ your food. For example, you go into a restaurant and they claim they aren’t hungry, so they don’t order. But magically, when your food comes out, they’re ravenous and eat your entire dish. Or, maybe they’ve finished their fries so they scoot on over to yours. Unless you’re a fast eater, you’ve probably been the victim of partner food theft. Well, not anymore. It’s all yours!
“I don’t like that on my pizza” will become a thing of the past. Whatever gross things you like on your pizza, in your pasta, mixed with your food—it’s all up to you now! You don’t need to consider what someone else likes.
Maybe you were just waiting around and hoping there would come a day where they would change. And, maybe they even told you they’re trying to change. Whether they tried or not, if you’re broken up, it’s probably because they didn’t change. And, the harsh reality is, even though people do change, they rarely do it on your schedule and most of the times, they do it without your input. That was a hard lesson for me.
Well, in my opinion (and actually, science’s opinion) short-term diets don’t work and often lead to weight gain. However, making healthy eating changed long-term is a great step to feeling better. But, that becomes super hard when your partner is constantly eating fried chicken and pizza. Or, you want to cook healthy, but your partner calls it “rabbit food” and refuses to eat it. Now, you can cook and order healthy things without them trying to sabotage your habits.
Routines are a big part of our lives if you think about it. All the important stuff like exercise, eating, brushing your teeth, showering, etc. are all typically focused around a routine that you do every day. Especially if you lived with your partner, switching up a morning or night routine can be hard. For one, they may be in your way. For two, you may need to alter your schedule to spend more time with them. Now that they’re out of your life, you can fill in that time with a new routine. Create a routine that you can slowly add tasks to. Over time, this will help create habits that will change your life!
I have no qualms saying I’d never date a Trump supporter. Does that make you angry? If so, exit is on the top right corner (top left corner for Macs). If you’re still with me, it’s a good thing you’re not still with them. While debate and being open to changing your opinion is a good thing, it’s toxic to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t inherently value humanity. I probably don’t need to tell you, a “simple” polital opinion can bleed into almost any area of life: Finances, morals, values, raising kids, health, safety, human rights, emotional boundaries, respect for the partner, etc. etc. All of this leads to arguments that sometimes can’t be solved.
Tacking onto the last point, has your partner ever been in a conversation with your family or friends when they’ve said something completely out of line? Maybe they let their bigoted views out. Or, maybe they professed their love for authorities leaders. Before, you may have been embarrassed and jumped to remedy the situation, defending his opinions or saying “he didn’t really mean that.” Now, they can say whatever idiotic crap on his own accord and you’ll never need to try to justify it again!
This may not apply to all relationships, but I bet you it applies to most. Have you ever had a partner that hated it when you wore a certain thing? Or when you looked at someone a certain way? Or had friends of the sex you’re attracted to? Or hated it when you went to bars alone? Or hated it when you’d forgo parties to stay at home? I could go on, but you get the point. Sometimes, when we’re dating someone, we know that there’s certain “normal” actions they judge us for. Now, you can do your thing, exactly how you want. And they can’t even judge from afar because they no longer see you!
Maybe you loved a certain activity they hate, so you slowly stopped doing it. For example, if you really love to hike but your partner just wanted to sit and drink, you may have given up your hobby in favor of time with them. But, now you can get back to hiking.
Have you ever been with someone who would pick the weirdest, smallest things to argue over? Or would bring up arguments seemingly from the Ghost of Christmas Past? Or, maybe half of the time you had no idea what the argument was even about? And, maybe they gaslighted you, saying you were the one who loved arguing. Enough said. They’re outta here.
If you lived with your ex, they probably had some rules about how you could design the place. For example, maybe your décor was too “feminine” or too “masculine.” Or, on the other hand, maybe they put up with your Hot Wheels collection so you need to deal with their humungous teddy bear collection. Now, that space is clear and you can do whatever you want with it to make it look less like trash.
You know when someone does something hurtful, apologizes and they expect your hurt to automatically disappear? And you wish it would, but it’s still there nagging at you, even when you don’t mention it? Well, now you can face those feelings, tell them they’re right and move forward without the person who caused them.
I’ll speak for myself here. One thing I hate more than action movies is pretending I like action movies. But, I understand that if he sits through a billion chick flicks with me, it’s only fair I watch something equally as agonizing for him. After a breakup though, I can go back to watching my chick flicks without any worry of the action genre consequences.
Yep, no more binge watching another crappy series counting down the weeks until it’s over. Now you are the sole operator of the remote.
I bet you can name at least a few annoying things or mannerisms your ex has. Maybe they eat really loud, talk a lot, won’t pick up their socks, leave water everywhere after a shower, etc. Well, you ain’t gotta deal with that anymore!
Have you ever had a partner that didn’t like you talking to the sex you’re attracted to? For me, my ex hated when I talked to my guy friends. According to him, women and men can’t really be just friends. Even though he didn’t “ban” me from them, he had manbaby tantrums when I talked to them and would be overly critical of the texts we’d exchange. But, after breaking up, I can talk as I normally would without feeling like I’m cheating (even though I’m not).
If you’re in a relationship, there’s probably some stuff you love doing for your partner because it helps them out or makes them happy. But then there’s stuff you’d rather not do. Maybe you do their cooking, cleaning, laundry, car patience, impromptu therapy sessions, make their lunch, drive them places, etc. Now, you only gotta do that crap for yourself—which is like cutting your chores in half!
Let’s be clear: You can reinvent yourself at any time. However, it’s wayyyy easier after a break up. Why? Because you don’t need to question what the main person in your life will think of your newfound self. You can do you. Completely, unapologetically you—whoever that may be 🙂
My advice? Don’t ever be with someone who tells you that you can’t have a dog (unless they’re allergic, of course). But, if you found yourself with that person, you’re free to adopt whichever kitten or puppy you like. In fact, now’s a great time for it (just remember: pets are a lifelong responsibility!).
I hope you can’t relate to this. But if you can, you probably know that although you don’t “have” to be perfect all the time, you want to be—or maybe it’s better described as an impulse. For me, this looks like having my apartment clean and staged when my partner comes over and my legs are silky smooth via a 3-step process. But, when I’m with no one, there’s no one to complain about my prickly legs, dusty shelves and imperfectly centered flower vase.
If you lived with your partner, you may have discovered that you have different internal temperatures. For example, maybe in the winter you like the place warm, or, you know, at least liveably warm. And, maybe they like it to feel like Antarctica because he doesn’t want to pay the heating bill. Without them, you can adjust the temperature to whatever you want without listening to the complaints.
I saved this one for last because it’s my favorite. And, throughout every breakup, it’s kind of been my saving grace. No matter how completely crappy it feels, the split symbolizes your opportunity to meet someone better. If your partner broke up with you and you still love them, you maybe be convinced there’s no one better because they’re the one. However, consider this: The Best person for you won’t break up with you. So, the best person for you is still out there! When you were stuck with the wrong person, you were unable to meet them. But, now that you’re single, better CAN exist!
Although there’s a lot of downsides to a breakup, there are some good things too. When we take a bigger perspective and see the good things that can come from heartbreak, it can help up move on faster. Use the tips above to identify your main sources of breakup inspiration. Remember, you must feel your feelings and not attempt to mask them with “positivity.” However, seeing the bright sides too can help you a more realistic view of the situation, making you feel better.
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