Everything is going wrong.
You feel the worst you’ve ever felt.
You split from the main person in your life.
You might feel empty, lost, broken.
Like you just want to cry all the time.
Like there’s no light anywhere anymore.
But there is. There is always hope for the broken hearted.
When we’re going through something really tough, it can be hard to see where the hope lies. So I’m going to point it out for you in this post 🙂
Nothing we say here is going to make the pain better. But these small tidbits of hope for the broken hearted can provide comfort and make you feel less alone. It will get better.
Crying isn’t the most inspirational message for hope for the broken-hearted. But you can’t have real hope if you’re busy shoving down how you feel. Instead, the sense of positivity you get will be artificial and fade to eventually reveal your real pain. Choose to deal with it now instead of down the road.
Give yourself time to cry, scream, get angry, cry again, and grieve in whatever ways you need to.
Some people are afraid to feel the depths of their darkness because they’re afraid they’ll get stuck there. While we’re not saying to wallow, we are suggesting to spend time in your feelings. When we’ve seen the darkness, the light and hope becomes that much more real, genuine and meaningful.
The best part about breaking up is that you now have opportunities to meet someone new. If you loved the person you were with, you disagree. This isn’t a good thing at all, you may think.
However, if it didn’t work out with the person, they likely aren’t right for you. Even though they may have had plenty of good things about them, it may not have been the right recipe you need to spend the rest of your life with. In other words, you can still do a lot better, even if you really liked your ex. And now that you’re not with them, you have opportunities to meet someone more geared toward you.
The thought may sting a little now. But take a few moments to envision yourself with someone who has all of the main qualities you’re looking for. Someone who you feel stable and safe and loving with. Doesn’t that feel a whole lot better? That’s available to you now.
Many people think that they wasted so much time with their ex. And that could be true. But there may be a few gems in that waste. And those gems can make your future relationships better.
Even if we were with someone who taught us nothing, we likely still learned something. For example, even in relationships where I was treated badly, I can still recognize where I could have treated the other person better. That doesn’t mean my actions justify theirs. And it doesn’t mean I should run back and give them everything. But it does mean I learned how to treat someone better, and I can take that into future relationships to benefit the right person.
Seeing your failed relationships as school-like stepping stones to the right path can give you hope for the broken-hearted.
While we can do everything to gain hope and feel better, time plays a major role. It will never make everything go away, but how you feel will likely become less intense overtime. So, while you’re busy trying to keep busy and feeling your feelings, remember that the time factor is also working to your benefit.
You can’t speed it up. But when everything else isn’t working, time can give you hope that the heartache will lessen.
Some parts of life really suck. Even if you’ve never been through a breakup like this before, you can probably recall a time in your life that you wish would end. It felt like it would never end. It felt like the worst. But eventually, it did end. Or, at least became less intense.
In the same way, there’s an eb and flow to life. Some parts you’ll feel like you’re standing on a mountain and other’s your feel buried underneath it. If you’ve ever stuck under for too long, you should consider options for professional help. But for many people, they follow the natural flow and soon enough, they’re on the upswing again.
So when things are going particularly rough, remember that like everything else, this will pass too.
You know the saying, you’ve heard it a million times: “Everything happens for a reason.” Sometimes, it can be hard to believe if you’re going through something tough. If you’re going through something traumatic, the phrase can be downright cruel. It can make you want to throw a book at the wall or frankly, punch someone.
We’re not going to tell you that everything happens for a reason, because that’s yours to decide. However, if we may suggest, simply contemplate, what if everything did happen for a reason?
What if you this relationship ended so you could find a new person—someone who was much better for you. What if you remained with this person and became miserable. What if your future partner is way more of what you need? What if the pain now is actually saving you so much time and bringing you closer to the right person?
Contemplating that the universe is conspiring for instead of against you is a warming thought. Even if you don’t completely believe it, it can help instill a little more hope to make the pain a little more meaningful.
It can be hard to have hope if you’re lacking self-compassion. You may be wondering why you’re not over it yet, why it hurts so bad, why your friend’s breakup seemed easier, why you’re such a mess, etc. etc.
While it’s true some people are more sensitive than others—and some breakups are more painful than others—you should realize everyone is different. And that’s okay. If you need more time to mourn the end of a relationship, that’s what you need, so take it. Give yourself the space you need. After you’ve extended some kindness toward yourself, it’s easier to have hope through heartbreak.
Acts of kindness are a great way to lift your spirit. It’s hard not to feel a sense of hope when you’re doing something for someone else. Even if the act doesn’t make your situation better, you know that it’s slightly making someone else’s situation better. And that proves hope exists. And is worth having.
Brainstorm a list of acts of kindness you can do. Whether it’s leaving positive notes around town, randomly leaving around gift cards or donating money, there’s always quick ideas you can try.
We shouldn’t glorify pain because those that are in the thick of it know that it’s nothing to rave about. But we can realize that many beautiful things come from pain. If you think about some of your favorite singers, bands, writers, and artists—many of their creations were made through pain or heartbreak.
Talking our pain and transforming it into something else can give us hope for the future because we’re breathing life into it. Whether you want to create to show people or just to keep it to yourself, consider which ways you can transform your heartbreak into art:
When we’re in the thick of it and struggling through heartbreak, we don’t want to hear about the positive of how much we’re growing. We just want the pain to end. While you don’t need to realize it now, it can give you hope for the broken hearted to see that growth can come of it.
In fact, research shows this.
One study found that after breaking up, couples could identify 5 areas where they grew:
If you’re in the right mental space, consider which areas you’ve grown in. If you’re not there yet, try to take solace in the fact that, even if you don’t see it, there’s probably a least a tiny, tiny piece of good coming from this.
When we feel broken hearted, it’s easy to beat ourselves up for it. Why did we fall so hard? Why did we love so much? Why did we waste all of our effort, kindness and compassion?
Think about it. When we do that, we’re picking on ourselves for giving love. Nobody should ever pick on someone for that! Giving love is a beautiful thing. Even if you gave it to the wrong person, realize that, but also realize your huge capacity to love. That’s a special quality that will go a long way in a healthy relationship.
After all, if you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right person.
In hard times, many people turn to religion and spirituality. The most common example is Alcoholics Anonymous where “addicts” exchange their addiction for a love of Christ. While AA doesn’t work for everyone, it works for some because it makes them see life outside of their own.
Even if you don’t consider yourself religious, consider if there’s any spiritual beliefs or practices that you can lean on through the tough times. For example, some people:
Each of these examples are good ideas for hope for the broken hearted.
Wait, this is supposed to be about hope for the broken hearted. How does knowing “the one” doesn’t exist help?
Many of us put too much pressure on ourselves, scouring the world to find the one perfect person for us. The one person who God put on this Earth just for us. Then we wonder if we already met that person and screwed it up and now our chances are over forever. We ruined it.
But that’s not really true. It’s a somewhat romantic, somewhat possessive idea that you’re put on this Earth for one specific person. It’s also unrealistic. The truth is that there’s many people on this earth that will with your personality type. Like, come on, everyone is super special, but there’s 7.5 billion people—you have options! If you screwed up a relationship with someone who was genuinely good for you, learn the lessons but don’t give up. There’s still plenty of others who will fit you well.
I just talked about how there’s 7.5 billion people, so you have plenty of options for “the one.” But at the same time, not everyone will fit you. Mayne the relationship you just got out of is a good example. In fact, it probably is, because if it was right for you, you’d probably still be in it.
When we think of going out and dating again, it can be a bit scary because dating involves vulnerability. Do they like us? If not, what’s wrong with us? Can we change it? Should we?
The possibility of rejection can dampen your hope when it comes to meeting someone new. But consider this: You are not for everyone. And everyone is not for you.
You are a very specific type of person. And you deserve someone who can see all those parts, knows how to love them and knows how to handle your challenges. You deserve someone who just… fits. For that, you also need to meet a very specific type of person. That can take some time to find. It could take more heartbreaks. You may feel like this again. Or you may not.
It’s like if you’re putting sand through a sifter at the beach. Many tiny rocks will weed themselves out and fall through. Some rocks still stay around for a bit longer and you’ll need to shake them through when you realize they’re too small to keep. But some will stay and you’ll polish them and they’ll become even more beautiful.
If you’re trying to find the very specific person who fits, it can feel like a lonely journey sifting through people.
But the good news is… that it’s always still out there if you want it.
Having hope through heartbreak can be tough. A part of your life is ending and probably a part of your identify too. You may have to learn new ways of going about your day and find ways to soothe yourself. While we can’t say how long this will last or promise it will never happen again, we can say there’s plenty sources (and evidence for) hope.
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