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69 Useful, Productive Things To Do When Bored At Home

By
YoHumanz
productive things to do when bored at home

Table of Contents

You’re at home and bored and although you could just watch TV all day, you’d rather be productive.

But how can you wisely use your time at home? After all, time is limited and you don’t want to waste it.

In this post, we’re sharing 69 ideas for useful things to do at home when bored alone.

 

69 Productive Things To Do When Bored At Home

Looking for good ways to eat up your time? Check out this massive list of ideas.

 

#1 Clean

The most obvious thing on the list of productive things to do when bored at home is clean! Yep, get ahead of your regular cleaning routine by powering through it when you have nothing else to do.

 

#2 Organize Cupboards

Whether it’s your pot and pan cupboard, dishes or cups, it can be organized one moment and a mess the next. Take out all the items and consider if there’s anything you can donate. Wipe down the bottom and sides and reorganize to create more space.

 

#3 Learn a New Language

Learning a new language can take up plenty of time and give you endless things to do at home when bored alone. Today, there’s plenty of ways to learn:

  • Download apps
  • Download audio programs
  • Pick up a good old-fashioned language learning book
  • Talk to people of the same language

If you want a social activity to do when you’re bored, download the app HelloTalk, which matches you with people of different languages so you can swap skills.

 

#4 Plan

Plan your week ahead or something that you need to do in the future. If it helps, you can create lists of things you need to do.

 

#5 Organize Panty

Pantries can get messy pretty quickly. Go through where your cans are stored and check the dates. Throw out any expired items and wipe down the good ones. Give the shelves of your pantry a good wipe too or replace liners.

 

#6 Clean Your Inbox

Who’s inbox is only filled with the necessary? Nobody. Spend some time deleting everything you don’t need. You’ll feel a lot better when it’s done.

 

#7 Unsubscribe

While you’re busy cleaning your inbox, you might as well keep it clean by unsubscribing to all the companies that won’t stop emailing you. You can do this by clicking “unsubscribe” which should be on the bottom of each email. You can also use a service like Unroll.me, which will list the lists you’re on so you can easily get off.

 

#8 Yoga

Yoga seems like a relaxing activity, not a productive one. But consider this: Anything that relaxes you can give you more energy, making you naturally more productive after. In fact, studies show that yoga can improve employee productivity. If you’ve never tried it before, start small with a short and easy video involving some light stretching. I recommend Yoga With Adrienne.

 

#9 Throw Out Old Items

Start in one room and work your way throughout the house. Think about all the items you haven’t used in a long time and are unlikely to use. For each item, ask yourself the last time you used it. If it’s been a while, throw out or put in a pile to donate.

 

#10 Learn a New Career Skill

If you’re looking for things to do at home when bored alone, try considering which career skills you can learn. Whichever your area, there’s probably plenty of resources online that you can check out about it. Whether it’s reading articles, taking a free or paid course or researching other means of career development, it will be a useful activity!

 

#11 Spend Time on LinkedIn

If your career could use some networking, one of the productive things to do when bored at home is to use LinkedIn. If you want, you can do a whole profile makeover:

  • Update your profile
  • Update your pictures
  • Write an update
  • Write and share a post about key career learnings
  • Add new connections
  • Say hello to old coworkers or to new connections
  • Comment on other’s updates
  • Investigate new companies or opportunities

 

#12 Look for a Therapist

When you’re bored at home and want to make use of your time, we often go towards things that will improve our health, home or finances—but what about our mental state? Many people benefit from therapy and if you have the funds or health coverage, you should probably take advantage of it. Spend some time researching therapists and finding someone who you think could be a good fit for you.

 

#13 Plan Meals: Productive Things to Do When Bored At Home

Plan what you’ll eat in the week ahead and prepare any lists for things you need to buy. If you’re someone who meal preps, get that done early too.

 

#14 Read

Reading is on the list of calming yet productive things to do when bored at home. If you want to be ultra-productive, pick up an educational book about something you want to learn more about or choose a self-improvement topic. But even reading novels is a good use of your time. After all, the more we read, the better we write and the more words we know to articulate ourselves.

 

#15 Organize Your Files

There’s probably a whole lot of crap sitting on your desktop right now. Delete what you need and make files for the rest. Then go through your Documents folder and so on. If your memory is getting full, consider what you could transfer to a hard drive.

 

#16 Listen to an Audiobook

If you’re not a big reader, another option is to listen to an audiobook while you’re doing something else. For example, let’s say you have a hobby that’s not necessarily “productive.” You can amp up the productivity by listening to an audiobook about a topic you want to learn about it. It could be about personal finance, self-development, career-related, etc.

Audible is the largest source of audiobooks but if you don’t want to pay and have a library card, you may be able to use the app Libby for free.

 

#17 Watch an Inspirational Speech

If you want to be productive but are lacking the motivation, use a video as a quick pick-me-up. Many people like Tony Robins. One of my personal favorites is Dr. Wayne Dyer, who has a spiritual and overly calm perspective on matters. My top recommendation though is Brene Brown. She’s so real, funny and you can’t leave anything she says without feeling at least a little more inspired to kick ass.

 

#18 Write Grocery List

Even if you’re not going grocery shopping today, go through your fridge and cupboards and write down the things you’re short on. What staples do you need to catch up on? If you want to be even more productive, you can rearrange the list in the order it appears in your grocery store. I do this each time and it saves me so much time and headache. Sounds a little fussy, but it’s a great idea for impatient in-and-out people.

 

#19 Write in a Journal

Journaling can be therapeutic for many people and therefore one of the many productive things to do at home when bored alone. You can open up a page and start listing how you feel. If that’s too much, you can start with journaling prompts.

 

#20 Make Goals

A top item on the list of productive things to do when bored at home is making goals. Consider what you want to accomplish in the next year in your relationships, home life and career. Then write out the steps to get there.

 

#21 Learn/Create Your Family Tree

If you’re someone into family history, spend some time researching and interviewing family members about your family tree. You can visually create one or share your knowledge on a website like Ancestry and meet long-lost relatives too!

 

#22 Listen to Podcasts

Another option is to do something while listening to a productive podcast. Again, there’s so many topics out there that you can find one that covers any subject you want to know more about. Simply open up Spotify and search.

 

#23 Cook a New, Healthy Recipe

When we’re stuck in the hustle and bustle of life, we usually fall into routines and eat the same things. If you’re looking for productive things to do at home when bored alone, take some time looking for a new healthy recipe. Then try it out and see if it’s a winner to add to your staple collection.

 

#24 Wipe Your Devices

They’re probably dirty. Your keyboard, screen, tv, phone, tablet, eBook reader, etc.

 

#25 Delete Old Texts

You might not realize it, but text messages take up more room than you realize. Deleting them is a productive thing to do that barely takes any time at all.

 

#26 Have an Intimate Conversation

If you’re looking for productive things to do when bored at home with someone else, consider having an intimate conversation that will strengthen your bond. You can talk about anything you’ve been meaning to. If you’re stuck or want to make it more of a game, check out 160 Questions For Couples.

 

#27 Workout

If you have some pent up energy and need productive things to do while bored at home, workout! You don’t need a gym or any special equipment, just a body that’s willing to move a little. If you live in an apartment, search for “apartment-friendly workouts” on YouTube and get started.

 

#28 Make Habit Quit Plans

One of the most productive things to do when bored at home is to evaluate your habits. What’s not working? You may already know the areas you need to reel yourself back in. After you identify it, make a plan around it. For example, maybe you drink too much and have been meaning to cut down. Make a plan around how many drinks are ok, when they’re ok, and what you’ll do to replace that habit.

 

#29 Plan a Vacation

Who said that productive things to do when bored at home need to be boring and serious? Have some fun and spend some time planning your next vacation. If you’re planning to plan it eventually, it’s technically still productive. Where will you go? What will you see? Where will you stay? What fun things will you do there? List items that would go on your itinerary and you can even budget it out if you want.

 

#30 Make Appointments

I hate making calls and constantly shove them down on my to-do list. Be a productive person by sitting down and making all the appointments you need to.

 

#31 Do a Good Deed

Acts of kindness are always productive. Brainstorm some things you can do to make someone else’s day brighter. It could involve money or be free:

  • Leave gift cards around town
  • Plant scratch tickets in places
  • Give a genuine compliment to a stranger
  • Write a positive comment on a YouTube video
  • Leave a positive review on a product, podcast or post
  • Write a gratitude letter to someone

 

#32 Redecorate

Redecorating makes it feel like a whole new home. Consider which pieces you can switch around or if there’s anything new you can bring into the space to uplift it. Pinterest is perfect for these ideas.

 

#33 Clean Your Car

If you have a car, there’s many other productive things to do when bored at home. Clean the inside, wash the outside, make it smell nice, throw out old items, shampoo your carpets, etc.

 

#34 Start a Blog

Blog about something you like and then take steps to market it. Before doing that though, you’ll need to set up a website and hosting. Trust me, make a blog and you’ll never be bored again.

 

#35 Get Your Holiday Shopping Over With

Yep, it really doesn’t matter if it’s one week until or one week after Christmas. People’s interests don’t typically change that much in a year, so you can probably buy their gift at any time. Avoid the rush of the holiday season and get rid of that stress early on. If it helps, keep a running list of ideas all year along so you can easily choose from it when you’re ready.

 

#36 Research Something

Is there something you wanted to learn more about but haven’t found the time? Take some time to really dig into the topic. Maybe you’re obsessed with a historical time period, an artist, a type of fashion or a style of cooking. Or, maybe you’re just researching your friend’s Tinder date to verify he’s not a serial killer. All productive tasks.

 

#37 Get Creative

Art can seem like more of a fun hobby than a productive one. But studies show that getting creative could help ward off diseases like Alzheimer’s. It doesn’t need to be drawing or painting. Consider other ways:

  • Coloring
  • Woodworking
  • Making dollhouses
  • Making car or train models
  • Beading
  • Knitting
  • Looking up random ideas like “Dollar store crafts,” etc.

 

#38 Make Activity-Specific Playlists

Do you listen to music when you’re getting ready, driving, working out, cooking, etc.? Spend some time making a suitable playlist for each.

 

#39 Meditate

Meditation feels like something that’s very unproductive because you’re literally doing nothing but laying there. However, many studies have shown that meditation actually increases productivity. Along with the calming benefits, in can enhance job performance, work engagement and job satisfaction. Not sure where to start? Search “Meditation for Beginners” on YouTube and try a few to see which resonate with you.

 

#40 Make + Give Out Cookies

Making cookies is fun and productive. Make it even more productive by giving out the goods friends, family or neighbors.

 

#41 Watch a Ted Talk

Ted Talks are perfect for when you want to be productive but you don’t want to do much either. They always give you new ways of thinking or different perspectives to approach the world. Simply go to YouTube and type in “Ted Talk + Topic you’re interested in.”

 

#42 Start a Garden

If you have a backyard, consider making a garden. It doesn’t need to be big, even a few plants can be a productive hobby.

 

#43 Learn Body Language

Learn how to read the unspoken language of the body. It can help you better understand others and teach you how to position yourself so people better respond to you too.

 

#44 Write a Book

Have you ever considered writing a book? It could be a biography, fiction, or non-fiction about something you know a lot about. Or it could be about something new to you that you’ve always wanted to do more research about.

 

#45 Make a Scrapbook

Most photos are on device these days, but there’s still nothing like passing around a photo album. Print off some pictures and decorate them in a cute book to show everyone.

 

#46 Respond to Messages

Many of us have messages that are waiting to be responded to. Even though they don’t take that long, we keep putting them off.

 

#47 Review Your Subscriptions

I bet there’s subscriptions that you don’t even know you’re signed up to. Go through your statements and emails and make a list of everything. Consider what you can cut out.

 

#48 Brainstorm Healthy Snacks

Stuck in a snack rut? Eating chips every night in front of the TV? Tired of acting like crunch carrots is a satisfying alternative? Take some time to Google and research easy snacks to make that you’ll actually like and that are healthier. Make a list and try a few to see if any are good replacements.

 

#49 Make a Fix-It Plan

If something is broken in your home and you can’t fix it yourself, make a plan to. Whether it’s calling a friend over or making an appointment with a professional, get it done.

 

#50 Start a Side Business

If you find yourself frequently looking for things to do at home when bored alone, consider making a small business. It can be something small online or it can involve selling products in store or on a website like Etsy. Brainstorm things you do for fun anyways and how you can make money off of them.

 

#51 Delete Phone Contacts

Delete all those exes and friends you’ll never speak to again. See ya.

 

#52 Clean Your Carpets

If you don’t have a carpet cleaner, rent one and dedicate the day to finally getting it done.

 

#53 Create a Vision Board

If you’re into the law of attraction and manifesting, spend some time finding photos and putting together a vision board or vision goal book.

 

#54 Discover Tools to Learn About Yourself

There’s plenty of ways you can learn more about yourself. From research-backed personality tests to spiritual practices that hint at human patterns and archetypes, there’s so many options:

  • Numerology
  • Astrology
  • Myers Brigg’s personality test
  • Enneagram personality test

 

#55 Research Health Problems

Have a really bad pain in your neck? Research solutions that don’t involve Advil. For example, are there any home remedies? Stretches? Lifestyle changes? Better posture tricks? At home physiotherapy? Could it be serious? Should you make a doctor’s appointment?

 

#56 Sleep

Sleep is associated with being lazy, which is funny considering without it, our bodies can’t be productive. If you have a day off and are looking for productive things to do when bored at home, consider taking a nap. The energy boost may help you get more done after, but it may also be necessary. For example, after a stressful week at work or an emotionally taxing day, sleep could be exactly what your body is crying for.

 

#57 Spend Time With Your Pet

Your pets life revolves around you, so giving some of the attention back is definitely a good way to spend time.

 

#58 Unfollow

There’s many people who we follow on social media that can make us feel worse about ourselves. Or maybe the just add no value and only exist to sell you affiliate vitamins or laxative tea. Go through your list and unfollow.

 

#59 Go Through Your Cord Pile

Yep, go to the places you stuff all your cords, untangle them and throw out everything you don’t need—which is probably like 85%. Remember, you asked for productive things to do when bored at home—not fun things.

 

#60 Create Routines

Consider where you can shake up your evening and night routines to make every day better.

 

#61 Have Sex

Stuck at home with your partner? Sex is a stress reliever, good exercise, and produces happy chemicals—pretty productive, I’d say.

 

#62 Search for Classes

Go online and consider which classes you can take in your area!

 

#63 Play Brain Games

Games are fun but they also serve a role in keeping our brains active and constantly learning. You can Google or search the App store for “brain games,” but even a newspaper crossword or Sudoku are good for getting the juices flowing.

 

#64 Change Notification Settings

Most apps try to send you notifications automatically so you keep using it. Fight back and take your mental energy back. Go through your settings and turn off all the ones that aren’t necessary.

 

#65 Delete Phone Photos

If you’re like me, your phone is constantly running out of storage and you have tons of photos to move off your device. So delete the ones you need to and move the rest elsewhere.

 

#67 Make a Bucket List

What do you want to do before you die? Spend some time creating or update your list.

 

#68 Research Outings

Maybe you’re bored at home today, but you can still plan things to do in the future. Research local places you can go to or new things you can experience.

 

#69 Do Something Relaxing

Wait, this list is supposed to be about productive things to do when bored at home. But truly, if your mind is overloaded on go-go-go then you will actually be less productive. Giving your brain rest is necessary to function optimally.

Besides that, let’s take a moment to question the capitalist golden standard of efficiency. There’s more to life than just being efficient. It’s ok to do things that produce nothing. That aren’t productive at all. In fact, it’s part of a balanced life.

 

Productive Things To Do When Bored at Home

In this post, we’ve listed a whole bunch of useful ideas for things to do at home when bored alone. Doing productive tasks makes you feel like you’re using your time wisely instead of wasting it. However, we hope that you’ll also consider adding some fun activities to your list too. Yes, we need to be efficient in life. But we’re allowed to have a lot of fun too 🙂

productive things to do when bored at home

Angel Card Reading #1: Pick a Card

By
YoHumanz
angel card reading pick a card video

If you landed on this page, you saw our angel card reading on social media and wanted a more in-depth explanation about the card you chose.

If not, you’re probably looking for a quick reading.

Either way, keep reading on.

@yohumanz😇🔮 ##pickacardrelationship ##witchystuff ##spirituality ##archangelgabriel ##Spiritualtip ##angelcard

♬ original sound – user9669781578442

In this general message, you will pick on of 3 angel cards:

  • Career Transition
  • Healthy Lifestyle
  • Claircognizance
  • Here’s a more in-depth explanation of each.

Career Transition

Message on Card: “Your life purpose is triggering a blessed career change.”

In-Depth Message: If this card comes up, it’s usually because you’ve been asking for help with your career. Sometimes, change is stressful and difficult, but you’re being helped to clear the old out. Pay attention to your repetitive ideas, dreams and visions as these are a roadmap to guide you. You may not see the entire road ahead of you and there may be plenty of hills, but this signals the beginning of something new and something better 🙂

Healthy Lifestyle

Message on Card: “Eat a healthful diet, get adequate sleep, and exercise regularly for optimal health.”

In-Depth Message: If this card comes up, it’s usually because you’re neglecting some part of your health or put it on the backburner. Follow your inner guidance about lifestyle choices and listen to inner nudges about diet and movement. Rather than seeing healthful actions as a nagging chore, try to see it as a way to increase your energy and feel better. This can make self-esteem naturally blossom and get you out of any ruts you may be in.

 

Claircognizance 

Message on Card: “Pay attention to thoughts and ideas that come to you, as they are answered prayers.”

In-Depth Message: “If this card comes up, it’s usually because you’ve been praying for resolutions. This card signals that the answer is or will come to you in the form of repetitive thoughts telling you to take steps or make healthy changes. Don’t discount thoughts, dreams or common knowledge. You’re tapped into divine wisdom now and it’s important to recognize and record your thoughts, then act upon these answers to your prayers!”

Ask A Human: The Q About the Uncommunicative Husband

By
YoHumanz
advice column for relationship communication

🔎 Ask A Human…

is an Advice Column for Humans by One Human. We want to hear what you’re struggling with these days. Relationships? Breakups? Family? Friends? Jobs? Mental health? Anything.

Ask us Anonymously Here or by emailing [email protected]

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

Dear Human,

I NEED HELP!! I need to find a way to teach my husband how to communicate with me!! Sure we talk, all the time. About NOTHING though. But we don’t talk about the important things. If it’s a problem issue, something is bothering us, if one of us has a problem with the other person, we do not discuss it. He doesn’t know how to have a conversation about any kind of topic that might make him feel uncomfortable or that might require he share his feelings. And when I try to have those types of conversations I either get a head nod, like yeah, okay. Or he instantly becomes defensive and I can tell if I push the conversation will turn into an argument. So I don’t. I bit my tongue. Until I choke on the blood from bitting it so hard and I have to release it. And then he’ll tell me that I am passive-aggressive. To which I reply “I’m passive-aggressive because you are impossible to have a conversation with if the subject is something you don’t want to hear”. So, again I ask, how do I teach my husband to communicate with me?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Moe

 

Dear Human with the Non-Communicative Husband,

Mrs. Moe, Ugh, isn’t it so frustrating, annoying and sometimes hurtful when our partners can’t have REAL conversations?

First, I have to say you’re awesome for realizing this SHOULD be a natural thing in marriages. Many times, when our partners repeatedly shut down hard conversations, we believe we’re the ones with wild expectations. That’s how I felt when it happened to me. I put myself in uncomfortable positions to have conversations I knew were necessary. But every time, my former partner would shut them down. “Let’s talk another time.” “Not now.” “We already talked about it enough.” “What’s more to say?” Then, when I would insist problems just don’t magically evaporate, he’d get more defensive. Until the same problem happened again. And then it would all repeat.

We aren’t asking too much though. We should be able to discuss issues and feelings without feeling like we’re asking the world.

Try approaching the topic from a place of love—even if you don’t feel very loving about it. Pay attention to your tone of voice and body language. If he can tell you’re upset before you even speak, he’s more likely to get into “defensive” stance before even hearing you out. If you’re not already, try to use a calm tone of voice, look him in the eye. If you can bring yourself to do it, try using an act of affection while talking, like holding his hand or rubbing his arm. It may sound cheesy, but acts like these may train his brain out of “automatic defense.” He may unconsciously read that body language and soften instead of getting into “fight” mode.

Basic communication skills are useful during tough conversations too. For example, not using “never,” or “always” unless it’s 100% factually true. Using facts instead of hyperbole or exaggerating. Saying “it makes me feel like…” instead of, “you act like an asshole” (gotta admit, I could use this advice myself). And showing some kind of understanding to his own thoughts, even if you think they’re wrong (ex. “I know you feel like you need to work all the time because you want to get ahead of bills, but I’m really missing out on time with you.”).

And choose a time when it’s ideal to have a conversation—where there’s plenty of time, nobody is busy or in a rush, and you haven’t had an abnormally stressful day. Of course, that isn’t always possible but it will probably make it easier.

It’s possible you’re already doing all of these things and he’s still afraid of real convos. You might consider having a conversation about your conversations. Remind him that hard conversations are uncomfortable. But uncomfortable things are often necessary. And that it’s a normal part of marriage. Remind him that you both should be able to talk to each other about issues. If he has problems with you, you want to hear them too. And you can both promise each other to air your grievances as kindly as possible. Mention that when conversations aren’t calm and he gets defensive, you shut down. And shutting down doesn’t mean it goes away, it just means the resentment grows inside of you. And the longer and more that happens, the more the marriage will erode, and you love him, so you’re trying to prevent that—all you’re asking him to do is his part in stopping that erosion. Try to come from a place of “I care about you and this marriage” rather than one of assigning blame (even though he may need to take responsibility for the blame).

You could also ask “we both agree we can’t ignore issues or be passive-aggressive, so how would you prefer we talk about these kinds of things?”

When you have conflict conversations that go well, or at least a bit better than planned, reenforce them by saying something like, “I know that felt weird for you, but I really appreciate how that went, I feel a lot better about it.”

For men specifically, uncomfortable conversations can be hard to have. Society has taught everyone that men shouldn’t be emotional unless they’re angry—which is probably why your calm conversations turn into arguments (because that’s weirdly more acceptable). This is never an excuse for a man to completely shut down, but it can help us understand where they’re coming from and why they may need more time to open up.

A big part of that may be reframing vulnerability in the relationship. I’m not sure what the problems are that you need to discuss, but conflict typically involves vulnerability. It takes courage to say how you feel, really understand how you make someone else feel, and to apologize or compromise if needed. When we don’t have courage, we shy away from the conversation and say what we can to shut it down.

Building “talking intimacy/vulnerability” outside of conflict may help you when you need to have these hard convos. In other words, if he builds this skill when everyone is happy, he may use it more readily when everyone is unhappy. This may sound like a weird suggestion, but try to look at other ways you can have real, deep, vulnerable conversations. For example, asking specific things about his childhood, hopes, fears, etc. I love playing “20 questions” for this reason. You can search for questions lists online and collect a few to ask each other. If you’re thinking “he’s really not this type of guy,” see if you can con him into it with some delicious beverages (alcoholic or not) and his favorite snacks (meat, cheese, baked goods, etc.). Treat it as a sort of date. Remember, the goal is to get closer to one another and feel what it’s like to be vulnerable and honest in conversation.

Another way of building vulnerability is acknowledging when we, ourselves, are wrong. If someone sees that we feel say enough to genuinely say sorry, they may feel safer to apologize when necessary too.

These are all suggestions that you can try, but remember that you can’t change someone else’s behavior. We can guide and support them to better communication, but ultimately, the choice is theirs to make. And whether he decides to become better or not, it doesn’t necessarily reflect on your efforts. The fact you wrote in means that, while you’re fed up, you also deeply care and are loving enough to research ways to support better communication. That’s something you both should be celebrating 🙂 ❤️

Hope this helps Ms. Moe!

Sincerely,

A Human ❤️

12 Undeniable Signs He’s NOT the One + Never Will Be

By
YoHumanz
Signs He’s NOT the One 4

When you first start dating someone, most of us have one question in mind.

…Even if we don’t want to admit it.

“Are they the one?”

Whether we believe in soulmates or “the one,” most of us wonder if we’ll spend the rest of our lives with the person.

After all, every relationship has one of 2 inevitable outcomes: we stay with the person forever or we break up.

If you’ve been through treacherous breakups and are looking to avoid more heartbreak, this question may weigh on your mind more than others.

There’s a lot of factors that make someone the right person for you. But there’s some general signs when you’ve met the wrong person too.

Here, we’re counting x signs that he/she is NOT “the one”.

 

12 Signs He’s Not the One

Signs He’s NOT the One 4

Wondering if you’ve found the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with? Here’s some good signs that you should keep looking.

#1 Your Morals are Different

To be clear, you can have some differing beliefs from someone and still make the relationship work very well. For example, maybe your partner is a different religion than you, or they’re religious and you aren’t.

However, morals transcend religion and spiritual beliefs. Morals are about what you think is right and wrong. For example, if you’re partner thinks that women only belong in the kitchen and you know that’s wrong, that’s a red flag. If your partner thinks it’s okay to be rude to someone who looks different and you know that’s wrong, that’s also a red flag.

 

#2 They Disrespect You

Disrespect is one clear sign that you haven’t found the one. The person you end up with should respect you, even in disagreements. If your partner resorts to rude insults, downplays your opinions or embarrasses you in front of others—they aren’t for you.

Even if you’re in an argument, you should find ways to communicate with each other (or take a time out). There is no reason your partner should disrespect you.

 

#3 They Disrespect Others

So your partner respects you? Awesome. Now the next part is, do they respect other people? Even if someone is very kind to you, they should also be respectful to others. If they shower you in compliments yet berate the retail associate, they’re not a good person.

 

#4 The Effort is Unbalanced

Some people believe a relationship should be 50/50. That’s true in general. But it’s important to recognize that there’s times where you may only be able to give 30 and your partner is filling in the other 70. And vice versa. That’s typically ok and normal.

But if one partner is consistently giving more than the other, that’s a problem. For example, if you’re complimenting your partner, buying gifts, planning dates, asking about their day, doing acts of kindness for them, carving out time for them and they do none of that back—that’s not ok. You deserve someone who can meet your efforts and you probably don’t want to live the rest of your life fighting for a few measly breadcrumbs.

 

#5 Any Type of Abuse

Abuse is the #1 sign you’re with a wrong person. There is never ANY reason someone should abuse you emotionally, physically, sexually. Period. No reason. Ever.

If you find yourself in this relationship, it’s likely you feel a special attachment to the person, especially if they apologize and the situation calms down for some time. It’s important to know that often, abuse escalates in dangerous ways. It’s a well-known fact that many people murdered by their partners have never experienced physical abuse before the incident. No matter which type of abuse you’re going through, seek help through community resources, domestic abuse hotlines and/or confide in friends. If you’re not sure where to turn first, try a hotline staffed with professionals who can help you make a safe escape plan and connect you to local resources. (Remember that partners may know how to view your search history, so delete your browsing history after searching hotlines).

 

#6 They Can’t Say Sorry

Look, everyone screws up in relationships. Not necessarily in big ways, but in small ways. Maybe something came out the wrong way and someone gets hurt. Maybe they forgot an important day. The list goes on but in any case, both partners should be able to admit when they’re wrong. After all, if they don’t admit the problem, how can they improve? How can they make amends? Both partners should be able to say “sorry” when it’s appropriate.

 

#7 Rug Sweeping

Are you in a relationship where your partner doesn’t want to talk about any problems? They simply say “ok” and state they “get it” and don’t want to talk anymore? And maybe you’re still hurt by the time it happens again—only you can’t talk about it then, either.

That’s a surefire sign that the communication is bad and likely to get worse with growing resentment. To be clear, everyone needs to work on communication in a relationship and partners can overcome this. But if you’ve expressed your concern to actually talk about issues, and your partner would rather sweet it under the rug, that’s not productive or nice.

 

#8 They Lie

People generally agree that some lies are acceptable. For example, maybe they tell you that you look beautiful in that blue dress, but you know they absolutely hate the color blue. That’s different.

But sometimes, the lies are big or strange—and those are red flags. Maybe your partner says he’s working late when he’s out drinking with the guys. Even you know he’s not doing anything suspicious, the lie is still a sign that something is off. Or, like me, maybe your partner lied about his age and faked an accent for 7 months—definitely not “the one” material.

 

#9 Double Standards

This ain’t the 1950s. Women can have jobs and men can make their own sandwiches. While the division of chores or responsibilities is up to each couple, it should be based on your own decisions and not on what your partner thinks is expected of you by society’s very, very old standards.

Similarly, if your partner can do something, you should be able to do it to, regardless of gender. For example, if your boyfriend goes out to the bar but tells you that you shouldn’t because you’re a woman, he’s holding a double standard and that’s not ok. If he can stay out until 2 am with friends but you can’t, that’s not cool. Double standards can be used to subtly control people throughout relationships.

 

#10 Tit for Tat Mentality

Relationships are a team. Even if you’re arguing, you still have one goal: loving each other. But if the need to win overcomes love, there’s a problem and it’s not just a competitive one.

For example, maybe you catch your partner in a lie and ask about it and your partner brings up how horrible you are because of a smaller lie you told earlier (or rehashes the past). In this way, they’re deflecting their own behavior by blaming you. Because you both did wrong, you both get a point, and they don’t need to hold themselves to account. Not cool.

 

#11 Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a tactic used by abusers, narcissistic or manipulative people. It involves making another person feel crazy by discounting their concerns.

This can work on lesser extreme and very extreme levels. For example, maybe you tell your partner you want to spend more time with them and they’re always busy working or with friends. Instead of responding normally, your partner claims that every guy has no time for girlfriends and that you’re naggy, probably the only girl that would ever complain about this. In fact, every other girl would be ok with this behavior. And suddenly, you feel like you’re in the wrong and you’re a bad, naggy girlfriend for wanting to see your partner more.

An extreme example could include abuse. For example, maybe you haven’t seen your friends in a month and your boyfriend doesn’t want you to. He claims that you hardly spend any time with him, even though you see him every day. He says your friends are bad people and you’re a bad girlfriend because you want to see them. Even though you know in your heart that seeing friends is normal, he is making you feel that you’re a bad person for it.

In short, gaslighting can make you question your reality and is a tactic people use to gain control over you.

 

#12 There’s No Connection

Ok, so you made it through everything on this list and your partner is in the clear. The first and last thing to consider is if you feel a real connection with them. Somebody can check off all the boxes, but maybe you don’t feel romantically attracted to them. Or, maybe you did before and have tried to get that feeling back, but you’ve outgrown it. That’s ok and the right thing to do is honor that feeling.

Signs He’s NOT the One 4 Signs He’s NOT the One 4

 

 

13 Reasons Why He Doesn’t Text Back

By
YoHumanz
Reasons He Ignores Your Texts for Days

Ignored texts are hard to read.

I mean, literally. There is nothing to read.

So how can you know what’s wrong, if anything?

Are you overthinking about it and being obsessive? Or are you right to question why your texts aren’t getting responses?

There’s many reasons someone may be ignoring your text, both good and bad. Read on to learn why.

 

13 Reasons Why He Doesn’t Text Back

Reasons He Ignores Your Texts for Days

While we outline the possible reasons why he doesn’t text back, the only way to know is to ask them. If you still don’t get a response, it’s likely the person doesn’t want to talk anymore. If you don’t think you did anything wrong, try not take it personally, even though it can be hard. If you can, try to see it as an opportunity to meet someone who will treat you better.

 

#1 They’re Busy

One of the most common reasons why he doesn’t text back is that they’re actually not ignoring you at all; they’re just busy. Even if someone seems to have the time to text you all day every day, it’s possible they’re having a busier day at work. Or maybe they’re out running errands. Or maybe they’re driving a lot that day and can’t text.

If you’re working and you take time out to text them, it can be hurtful to believe they wouldn’t make the time to text you back too. But consider how your jobs may be different. For example, it’s a lot easier to sneak a text working a desk job than someone operating heavy machinery or bartending with guests and managers watching your every move.

 

#2 They’re Not Sure What to Say

Sometimes, people just aren’t sure how to respond. You may be a great conversationalist, but the person you’re texting may lack those skills. Maybe they’re not sure the appropriate response or they’re afraid of responding the wrong way. Maybe the conversation is so generic that they don’t know how to answer another “what’s up?”

 

#3 They’re Bored With the Convo

There’s been plenty of times I don’t respond to people because I feel like I’m the only one carrying the conversation forward and I’m frankly tired of it. If they’re asking all the questions and you don’t bother bringing up new topics, the person can get bored.

Talking to many guys who use dating sites, this is a frequent reason. Nobody gains anything from the standard

“Hey”

“Hey”

“How are you?”
“Good, you?”

“Good.”

“Ok, so what’s up?”

“Nothing much, you?”

“Same.”

Point being: If someone doesn’t know how to carry the conversation forward, they won’t. It’s up to both parties to put effort into making conversation that’s interesting and that you look forward to reading.

 

#4 They’re Thinking of a Response

Depending on what the topic you’re talking about is, the person may need time to think about a response. For example, sometimes I read texts and then I put my phone away for awhile and do something else. I don’t mean to ignore the person, but I want to give them a thoughtful response. I can’t do that if I write whatever is on the top of my head. Maybe you asked a good question or told an interesting story and they’re brainstorming the best ways to respond.

 

#5 You Said Something to Upset Them

Many people’s first response to ignored texts is “what did I do wrong?” In most cases, people who ignore you probably aren’t upset. But sometimes that could be the case. For example, if they told you a deep story about their family problems and you only respond with “oh cool,” they could be upset at your lack of care or empathy. Or it’s possible something came across the wrong way through text.

 

#6 They Forgot to Text You Back (Or You Forgot!)

I can’t count how many times I’ve typed a message and forgot to press send. Or worse, I’ve responded in my head and I’m eagerly awaiting a text back. When I feel ignored, I check the message again to make sure I didn’t say anything wrong. Then I realize, duh, I didn’t respond at all.

 

#7 They Have Substance Problems

Sometimes, when someone ignores your texts, it can hint at substance problems such as with drugs or alcohol. When someone uses substances too much, they can forget about the world outside of it or slack on responsibilities.

One of my exes would go through periods of responding and then ignoring me. Although it would be easy to read it as “he doesn’t like/care about me,” I learned that the issue was more troublesome and sad. When he was drunk or high, he tended to only pay attention to the people doing the substance with him. He was erratic and careless. He also likely didn’t want to text me when he wasn’t feeling “normal,” because he didn’t want me to know about his problems, since they’re something he deeply struggled with/was ashamed about. If this is the case in your situation, remember that you can support them wanting to change, but you ultimately have no control on whether they change.

 

#8 They Want You On Their Schedule Only

If someone ignores your texts for most or many days, yet randomly seems available to “meet up,” you should consider whether they’re using you as a booty call. Of course, if you want a hookup, there’s nothing wrong with that. But be sure you know their intentions so you don’t get your heart hurt if you’re looking for more.

This is commonly seen in people who won’t respond for days and then text you out of the blue, “hey are you up?”

 

#9 They Lost Their Phone

Sometimes, somebody may not text you back because they lost their phone or are having phone issues. Everyone knows how iffy technology can be sometimes, so it’s definitely a possibility.

However, if the person is always claiming they “lost” or “broke” their phone, they’re either lying, horribly uncareful or frequently under the influence of something that makes losing a phone very easy.

 

#10 They Hate Texting

One of my exes was very bad at responding to texts, even though I knew he was just on the couch watching TV anyways. The reason? He just really wasn’t into texting. Although rarer in today’s world, some people are old-school and would rather you just pick up the phone. They refer to texts as having a “pen pal,” complain their thumbs are too big for the little letters, and find the ongoing communication weird and a little annoying. To each their own, I guess.

 

#11 They Don’t Care

Sometimes, the person doesn’t want to cut contact and they don’t mind texting, but they’re careless about how you feel. Maybe they like you, but they take you for granted. They get your texts, so they feel ok. But they don’t really care how you feel when you feel hurt from being ignored. If you know this is the case, consider whether you should cut contact—you probably deserve better.

 

#12 They’re Trying to Gain Power

This is a common reason if you find yourself asking, “why do narcissists ignore texts?” Sometimes, people don’t text back because they know it will cause you hurt. When you’re hurt, they break you down so they can build you back up when they decide to randomly text back. And then it happens again, like a roller coaster of emotions, leaving you guessing what tomorrow will be like. Controlling your emotions in this way gives them a sense of power over you. If you identify their ignored texts as a narcissistic tactic, run! It’s a big reg flag that’s likely to be accompanied by a lot more red flags down the road.

 

#13 They Want to Cut Contact

Lastly, someone may be ignoring your texts because they want to cut contact. Although this is a common fear, it’s a common reason if it’s been quite some time since they’ve replied. In today’s world, instead of saying “I’m not into this anymore,” some people will just ignore you until you get the hint. This is called “ghosting.” If you’ve met someone online and have only been talking for a few days, they don’t necessarily owe you a big goodbye. However, it can be more painful if you’ve been on a few dates and they just stop replying.

The reason they want to cut contact could be one of many. Most people assume it has something to do with them. Maybe they realized they were looking for something a bit different, and that’s totally ok, you’re still a great catch. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with you at all. I’ve ghosted people when I was depressed and just didn’t want to pretend I was feeling normal.

 

Summary: Reasons He’s Not Texting Back

Before questioning why he isn’t texting you back, first ask yourself if your expectations are realistic. For example, if it’s only been a few hours, that can be totally normally. While you may respond to texts within seconds, the other person may text less frequently or hardly ever.

We’ve outlined the reasons someone may not text back, but the only true way to tell is to ask then. You could consider sending them a text like, “hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been ignoring me lately and I’m just wondering if something is wrong or if you want to move on from this?” Still, there’s no guarantee you’ll get a response. If you don’t, it’s probably safe to say the person doesn’t want to make contact anymore and you deserve better treatment with someone else.

Reasons He Ignores Your Texts for Days

Tarot Spreads for Love to Get Answers on Your Partner, Crush

By
YoHumanz
tarot spread stress

Why are you looking for a love tarot spread?

Is it because you’re wondering about your current partner? Maybe you want to know if your crush actually likes you back. Or perhaps you’re asking yourself if your ex misses you as much as you miss them.

There’s plenty of reasons people use tarot spreads for love. And as such, there should be more than one layout option.

In this post, we’re featuring 3 love tarot spreads, whether you’re looking for a general overview or are wondering something specific.

 

How to Use a Tarot Spread for Love

When we consider why people use tarot, there’s 2 main reasons:

  • As a psychic tool
  • As a self-development tool

Using Love Tarot Spreads as a Psychic Tool

If you’re in the “psychic tool” group, you’re hopeful your spread will you the answers you need about the future. Tarot may give us versions of the future that may happen if we stay the course we’re on. However, everyone who uses tarot as a divination tool should know that the future isn’t set in stone. Everyone has free will. So, if your love tarot spread indicates that your marriage is ending and you don’t want it to, consider that while it may be true, there also may be steps you can take to alter the outcome. For example, perhaps you start couples therapy and your free will changes your relationship.

In that same way, other people have free will. With love tarot spreads specifically, we’re often focused on another person, such as a partner or crush. A spread may indicate one outcome but another may happen if the person changes their course. For example, a spread may suggest you’ll get back with your ex, but then your ex has the courage to realize it isn’t a good idea, so it doesn’t happen—freewill prevails.

I Didn’t Get the Tarot Answer I Wanted

If you don’t get the outcome you’re hoping for, know that:

  • It could change— Everyone has free will.
  • You could change— If the answer depends on your behavior, you can always change your behavior, affecting the outcome. For example, if your answer is that the relationship will end because of your aggressive arguing, you could attempt to say your opinions calmly, kindly and fairly, which may save the relationship.
  • Stop pulling cards— Sometimes, when people don’t get the answer they want, they keep pulling cards until they do. This will likely make you even more stressed or provide false reassurance. It also doesn’t change the situation. If you fall in this boat, put the tarot away and look for other ways to healthily cope with your relationship or love stress.

Can I Change My Love Outcome in Tarot?

If you find yourself wanting to change the outcome of your tarot spread, remember a few things:

  • You can change your own actions— Which may impact the future. For example, if your partner wants to break up because you’ve been aloof lately, showing more love, care and effort can turn that around and change the breakup outcome of a tarot spread.
  • You can’t change others— If the outcome of the tarot spread relies on the other person, there’s nothing you can do but wait and see how it plays out (or leave before, if appropriate). For example, if the love tarot spread indicates you’ll breakup because your partner’s substance abuse gets out of control, the only way that can change is if your partner changes their own behavior. While you can be supportive of others changes, you can’t do it yourself.

Can I Make My Partner/Crush Love Me?

Often with tarot or psychic development in general, people ask if there’s something they can do to make others act a certain way. In this case, you may be wondering if there’s a special love spell. Remember this:

  • Even if there was a love spell— It wouldn’t be appropriate. It’s not okay to control others’ actions. Everyone should have the ability to make decisions they feel are best for them, even if you don’t agree.
  • There is no love spell— Some people may try to sell love spells or curses, but since freewill exists, these don’t work. However, you can do “love spells” as a way of opening YOURSELF up to love. Doing spells for yourself is another tool you can use to learn about and connect with your soul. They cannot be used to control others though.

 

Using Love Tarot Spreads for Self-Development

Even if you don’t believe in psychic topics, you can use a pack of tarot cards to learn about love in your life. By interpreting the symbols on the cards and reading descriptions about its meanings, you can consider how they apply to your relationship or crush.

Putting ourselves into the cards and into the tarot’s story can help us see our own love stories in a different light. For example, maybe a card symbolizing greed makes you realize that your partner is right; your hunt for money has meant no time to develop your relationship. Or, maybe you receive the death card and start pondering ways in which your recent breakup has been a death, even outside of the love context.

To put it plainly, using tarot can lead you to insights about your love life, which may inspire a change of thought or action for the better.

 

3 Love Tarot Spreads

tarot spreads love

The love tarot spreads below cover your past love situations, your current one and possibilities for the future. Use these whether you’re in a relationship, considering getting out of one, wondering about your crush or thinking about your ex.

 

Heart Tarot Spread

tarot spreads love

Shaped as a heart, this tarot spread is a more in-depth one that covers many aspects of your love life. You’ll uncover conscious and unconscious hopes and fears you have about your current situation. You’ll also learn about a factor you’re not considering and external factors affecting love. Finally, tarot will suggest changes you can make to strengthen your love life and lead you to the outcome of your love query.

#1: Your past love experiences

#2: Your current love experience

#3: Your current hopes about love

#4: Your current worries about love

#5: Something you’re not seeing/considering

#6: External factors affecting love

#7: Changes you can make to draw in healthy love

#8 Outcome of your love query

 

Love Tarot Spread for My Ex

tarot spreads love

Shaped as an ex, this tarot spread is designed for people who miss their ex or can’t stop thinking about them, whether good or bad. It covers your feels, your exes possible feelings, why you can’t move on and a step you can take to move on. To help gently push you forward, it also suggests what’s next in your love life.

#1 State of past relationship

#2 Current feelings toward ex

#3 Feelings ex has toward you

#4 What’s holding you back from moving on

#5 Consideration to take to move on

#6 What’s next in your love life

 

3 Card Love Tarot Spread

tarot spreads love

This simple 3 card tarot spread covers the basics of anyone’s love life. You’ll start with any issues you may be having in that area and work your way toward something you’re overlooking or not considering. Finally, you’ll learn how to make the situation better. This is a good spread to use whether you have a crush in mind or are having problems in your relationship or marriage.

#1 Problems in the love department

#2 What you’re overlooking in the love department

#3 How to make your love situation better

 

Tarot Spreads for Love

You can use a love tarot spread whether you’re in a relationship, married, have a crush or want to get over an ex. Remember that despite the outcome, everyone has freewill and the ending could change. Another point to consider is that we can’t control other people; the tarot can help us uncover and learn about our situations. But if we don’t get the answer we’re looking for, we shouldn’t keep pulling more cards, hoping to turn fate.

tarot spreads love

 

3 Tarot Spreads for Stress to Calm the F Down

By
YoHumanz

Stress sucks.

Nobody likes it.

Yet it is a largely unavoidable part of life.

Despite our best efforts, it’s inevitable that we’ll get stressed sometimes.

There’s plenty of ways to cope with stress. One way is to better understand it: Why does it happen? What causes it? Is there anything we can do to minimize it? Or at least change how we feel about it?

Tarot cards are known for telling the future and are used as a psychic divination tool. However, we can also use it to learn about ourselves, the world and our lives. How? Each card symbolizes a specific part of the human journey. By looking into how it relates to us, we can begin to see situations in a different light. These insights can help us into calmer people.

In this post, we’re sharing 3 tarot spreads you can use to learn about your stress or stressful situation.

 

How to Use Tarot Spreads for Stress

Although you’ll layout the cards and interpret the meanings in the same way, you can use a tarot spread for stress in 2 main ways:

  • As a divination tool to gain insight on the future
  • As a self-development tool to gain insight about yourself

As a divination tool, you can use the cards to learn hints about your past, current situation and future situations with stress. You may learn whether your situation will naturally subside or if you’ll need to take action to minimize it. You might also use it to learn sources of unconscious stress that you didn’t know about before.

As a self-development tool, you can use the cards as symbols and see how they apply in your own life. You may know that a deck of tarot cards is actually a journey of the human experience. This is related to the “Hero’s Journey” often used to write books and tell stories in a familiar arch. Every tarot card represents a point on this journey, whether challenging or celebratory, sad or happy.

Even if you don’t believe tarot can tell the future, you can look at the cards you pull and consider how/if they relate to your life. For example, you may not understand what one card means toward your stress. But when you look at the symbolism on the card and perhaps read explanations on it, you may learn new meanings. These insights may lead you to change your thoughts and behaviors, which could mean less stress.

 

Tarot Isn’t a Solution for Stress Though…

Of course, tarot itself isn’t a solution to stress. If it gives you insight on stress, you still need to consider how you’ll put that advice into action. They can’t make changes for you.

Further, if you’re looking to tarot as an alternative to therapy, don’t. If you’re dealing with chronic, long-term stress or anxiety, a doctor or therapist can teach you coping skills that will improve your condition. If you cannot afford help, see if there’s free community services near or if you can find peer support online.

Either way, tarot can help us learn about our stress, but it can’t help us cure it.

 

3 Tarot Spreads for Stress

tarot spreads stress

Looking for tarot spreads for stress to help you gain insight? Here’s 3 options that look at your situation from a different angle.

Stress Box Tarot Spread

tarot spreads stress

This simple tarot spread gets to the basics of your stress: what’s the biggest cause? But it also addresses solutions, like the best way to cope with your stress, lessons learned and how to avoid similar stresses in the future. This is a good spread to do if you want to know how you can move forward while dealing with, instead of ignoring, stress.

#1 The biggest cause of my stress

#2 Best way to cope with this stress

#3 Lesson learned by my stress

#4 How to avoid this stress in the future

 

Stress Smile (3 card tarot spread)

tarot spreads stress

This simple 3 card spread is a great one to use if you’re having a hard time separating what you can and can’t control. Similar to the Serenity Prayer, it can help us accept the things we truly don’t have power over. But it can also help us take action on the things we can control. Sometimes, we already know what we can control but have trouble moving forward. This tarot spread helps answer why you’re having trouble taking action.

#1: Things I’m stressed about that I can’t control

#2: Things I’m stressed about I can control

#3: What’s preventing me from taking action on things I can control

 

Need a Hug Tarot Spread

tarot spreads stress

This stress tarot spread is a great one to try if you feel like you just need a hug. Sometimes, we want advice and we want to learn about our situation, but we want to do so gently. This spread goes through your current stresses and sources of conscious and unconscious stress you may be ignoring. It also addresses lessons you’re learning through the stress and what simple action you can take to feel better today. Of course, you’re in a sensitive state, so it helps to have something to look forward to. That’s why this spread ends with one thing you can be hopeful about that will happen in the future.

#1: Your current situation

#2: Sources of conscious stress

#3: Sources of unconscious stress

#4: First step to make you feel better

#5: Major lesson you’re learning through this

#6: Something to feel hopeful about in future

 

Summary of Tarot Spread Layouts for Stress

Tarot spreads for stress are great to try out when you want to learn more about your sources of stress, how you respond to it and what you can do about it. Whether you believe it can tell the future or are just looking for self-development insight, you may improve your situation by looking for meaning in it. Of course, tarot is not an ideal stress coping mechanism and you should contact your doctor for advice about therapy and/or medication for chronic stress or anxiety.

tarot spreads stress

 

Empath Anxiety: Is It Me or Them? + REAL Solutions

By
YoHumanz
empath anxiety

Heart beating. Mind racing. Mouth getting drier.

Am I dying? Am I anxious? Or am I just an empath?

If you’re an empath, you may know the ins and outs of anxiety. But is it your own or someone else’s?

And, either way, what can you do about it?

In this post, we’re talking about empathy anxiety and how you can finally feel better

 

What is an Empath?

To put it simply, an empath is someone who feels what other people do. The term “empath” was coined by author and Dr. Judith Orloff.

She believes that some people “absorb” other’s emotions and take them on as their own. Whether the emotion is good or bad, they feel it to extremes.

One example of this is walking into a room and immediately feeling the energy of it. Perhaps you suddenly feel anxious or rushed and you don’t know why. It could be because you’re picking up on the emotions of people inside that room. It can work in a positive way too. Let’s say you meet someone in the grocery store and immediately feel connected to them with a sense of purity and joy.

Sometimes empaths know they’re absorbing other people’s emotions. They may realize they feel angry because they met with their usual angry boss, even though they themselves have no reason to be upset. Other times, empaths may not know they’re taking on other energies. They may feel depressed and not know the reason, when really it’s because the friend they’re hanging out with is going through something tough, even if the empath doesn’t know the situation.

Interestingly, it’s also believed that empaths can pick up on physical pain. For example, if your friend starts having back pain, you may also experience some back pain.

Some empaths realize they’re different from others in that they feel more intensely. So, they may research and come across the concept of empaths and learn more about themselves. In this process, they can learn how to protect their energy and how to tell which emotions are and aren’t there. However, other empaths live their entire life without classifying themselves as “empaths.” These people may struggle to control their emotions, or they may develop their own set of ways to cope.

Being an empath can be exhausting with many negatives. However, it can also have many benefits, especially when you learn how to control your empathic abilities.

Empaths are usually highly intuitive. This means they get “gut feelings” about people that typically turnout to be true. Some people look at this insight as something magical. Other people say it’s a natural benefit of reading very subtle body language and cues.

 

What is Empath Anxiety?

empath anxiety

If you are or think you’re an empath suffering from anxiety, you’re not alone. Many empaths experience anxiety for multiple reasons. In fact, one study found that people with social phobia show more sensitivity and attentiveness to other people’s mental states. The authors go on to state that socially anxious people may demonstrate unique abilities like cognitive empathy.

We’re breaking empath anxiety down into 2 major categories:

  1. Empath anxiety that comes from others
  2. Empath anxiety that comes from a clinical disorder

If being anxious is becoming a problem for you, to figure out the solution, you need to understand where the anxiety is coming from.

 

Empathy Anxiety from Others

The first reason empaths may experience more anxiety than the average non-empath is because they pick up on the emotions of others. For example, if your friend is very anxious and you hang out and begin feeling anxious, the feeling may go away as soon as you leave your friend. Or, perhaps your boyfriend or girlfriend is a very anxious person and you’re constantly picking up on it, making it feel like you have the anxiety disorder.

Since empaths feel the emotions of others, they can be particularly susceptible to negative emotions like anxiety. You’ll know this is the cause because your anxiety will come and go depending on how frequently you connect with the anxious person or place. If you feel anxiety every time you go inside a specific person’s home, and you stop going to their home, you should stop feeling anxiety if that’s the cause.

However, we need to be careful to not blame our anxiety on others. For example, we may be suffering from a clinical anxiety disorder, but because we’re empaths, we may believe the anxiety is someone else’s and we’re just picking up on it. In these cases, falsely blaming your mental health on someone else will do more harm than good. For one, you wrongly blame someone else. And secondly, you won’t find the solution if you can’t realize the issue is inside you.

If your anxiety is coming from other people, the best thing you can do is learn how to protect yourself from other people’s energies.

 

Empath Anxiety from a Clinical Disorder

Many times, empath anxiety isn’t from other people—it’s from you. Empaths are often highly sensitive people. That means we’re more tuned into our own emotions, surroundings and thoughts. Because of this, we are more susceptible to anxiety.

Let’s take an example of a conversation with a boss. Most people will have the conversion and go on with their day. But empaths may question it more. Because they’re sensitive, they may read their bosses’ low energy as disappointment. They may be inside their head more, replaying the conversation. They may already be on high-alert because of all the people in the office building. All of these factors can trigger anxiety for the empath.

Of course, we all have moments where we feel anxious. But ongoing and long-term anxiety may be classified as a clinical anxiety disorder. If you think this is the case, you should talk to your doctor who can help you form a treatment plan.

 

Empaths and Social Anxiety

empath anxiety

Social anxiety disorder (aka social phobia) occurs when a person is fearful of being judged or watched by others in social situations such as conversations, work, school or even just walking down the street or talking to the cashier. As with most disorders, there’s a spectrum. While you may not have “social anxiety” as a clinical disorder, you may relate to many social phobia traits on a lesser level. Or, your clinical social anxiety may affect you so much that it’s hard to do anything with another human being.

Interestingly, science has found a link between empaths and social anxiety. We talked above about the study that found socially anxious people were more empathic. Another study came to similar conclusions. It found that those with social anxiety disorder have no difficulty perceiving the emotions of others. There was one caveat though: they’re less able to share the positive emotions of others.

One reason why those that suffer from social anxiety may be more empathic is because they spend more time listening. If you have social anxiety, you’re more likely to be an observer than a talker. If you’ve been this way since childhood, you’ve had a lifelong lesson about other people. The payoff could be that you can read people easier, including their emotions. Because those with social anxiety tend to be more in their heads, they may also be better mentally primed to feel the emotions of others too.

 

Empath Anxiety and Trauma

Another possibility why some empaths suffer more from anxiety could be because of childhood trauma.

According to Dr. Judith Orloff, one of the possible reasons empaths become empaths is because of trauma. This could be physical or emotional abuse to growing up with an alcoholic parent, etc. Why would this cause a child to become an empath? The theory is that if the home wasn’t always considered “safe,” a child has to read their surroundings to learn how to act to stay safe. For example, let’s say you grew up with a narcissistic parent who has good days and very bad days. As you grew up, maybe you learned that the way they walked down the stairs each morning indicated whether it was a good or bad one. Maybe a heavy walk meant it was a bad day and you’d need to walk on eggshells. And a lighter walk meant you could breathe a little more that day.

Another example could be reading subtle cues of a parent during a conversation. You knew that a certain tone in their voice, look in their eye or specific mannerism meant that they were on their first and last fuse before they unleashed their wrath.

These small lessons grow into patterns we unconsciously look for in other people. As we grow up, not only do we use these skills to read our parents, but to assess the world around us. As we become more sensitive, we can better read and feel other’s emotions.

Okay, so that’s what ties empaths to trauma. But what ties empath trauma with anxiety?

Well, trauma of any form can result in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). PTSD is actually a type of anxiety disorder with many possible differing symptoms. Even if people with trauma don’t experience PTSD, they may experience other forms of anxiety, such as generalized anxiety disorder. Science has repeatedly shown the connection between trauma and anxiety.

In short, both anxious and empathic traits can be a result of childhood trauma.

 

How to Deal with Empath Anxiety and Be an Empowered Empath

To get rid of anxiety as an empath, you should first consider its source. If your anxiety is situational and comes from being an empath, tips on how to protect yourself will be the most relevant. If you have an anxiety disorder, no matter how much protection you do, it won’t help you unless you also address your own issues. This is best done through professional help, whether that includes therapy, medication, or both.

Try Therapy

Especially if you think or are suffering from a social anxiety disorder. But even if you’re not, many people can benefit from therapy. It’s unfortunate our governments don’t support mental healthcare for all citizens. If you are covered under your healthcare plan, research therapists you think may be a good fit and make an appointment. You can also ask therapists if they work on a sliding scale, meaning they adjust their prices according to your income.

If you don’t have coverage, you can find cheaper options through online counseling websites. You can also search “affordable therapy” + “your area” on Google. Some community centers may also offer therapy in your area. Chatrooms like Healthfulchat.org and 7Cups provide peer support.

Read: 29 Mental Health Tips + Resources

 

Enforce Boundaries

As an empath, boundaries are very important. Because you feel so deeply, it can be difficult to not be on call for everyone who needs you. It can also be difficult to leave situations where you feel you’re picking up people’s emotions, such as anxiety. Remind yourself to not only set clear boundaries, but to follow them yourself. If other’s don’t respect your boundaries, it’s likely a good idea to break the connection if possible.

 

Ground Yourself

Grounding yourself is really important for empaths because it connects you to the earth and the world at large, instead of being a victim to your own inner world. People do this differently. Here’s some ideas:

  • Take a silent walk in nature
  • Envision roots going from your feet into the earth’s core
  • Meditate
  • Trace the outline of your hand and each finger, breathing in and out

 

Protect Yourself

Many empaths using “energy protection” techniques to stop others from affecting their emotions. Again, people protect themselves in different ways, but here’s a few ideas:

  • Envision a white light surrounding and protecting you
  • Envision a cord between you and the other person and then envision cutting that cord
  • Next time you feel yourself absorbing someone’s emotions, envision putting a mirror between you and the other person, reflecting the energy back at them.
  • Use empath protection crystals
  • Frequently smudge your space and yourself to reset the energy

 

Summary of Empowered Empath Anxiety

When it comes to empath anxiety, the emotion may be absorbed from others or it may be your own. It’s also easy to confuse the two, blaming your own anxiety disorder on someone else. In any case, empaths are more likely to experience an anxiety disorder than the general population for multiple reasons outlined in this post. In any case, empaths can benefit from therapy, protection and grounding techniques to help curb their anxious minds.

empath anxietyempath anxiety

Ask A Human: The Q About the No-Home-Visit Relationship

By
YoHumanz
ask a human advice column

🔎 Ask A Human…

is an Advice Column for Humans by One Human. We want to hear what you’re struggling with these days. Relationships? Breakups? Family? Friends? Jobs? Mental health? Anything.

Ask us Anonymously Here or by emailing [email protected]

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Dear Human,

I have been in a relationship for 4 plus years, we actually got engaged 2 plus ears ago. I have always praised and pampered her in many ways. She gives great presents and shares her life with me in ways that no one else has before. Our history begins more than 22 years ago, with a courtship that was mostly nightlife karaoke outings and she choose to marry someone else, which was cool and at the time showed her superior intelligence.  Today we have progressed in ways but have stumbling blocks for us growing and marrying.

She has been reluctant and steadfast in her desire for me not to see her with her make up off, although I have because I cared for her when she had an operation. I have been in her home only like 10 times in the four years, she currently has two son’s, 42 and 35, living with her and a grandson, 13. But that has varied in the past 4 years with this being the least of family that has lived there.

We joke about her makeup thing that when we turn 90 she will go without make up. That is 27 years away. Our life centers around; karaoke (she sings, I do not), cruises (although that has not happened this year), and now weekends at the beach, but we are limited to 2 hours from her home.

Sundays is her absolute rest day and she does not come out at all. We went to church once. And every Sunday I drop off a homemade dessert and she will not greet me, sending a son or a grand child, so I just hang it on her door now and texted her it is there.

I get frustrated often by her seclusive way at times.  We can sit in my car in her drive way and talk for hours, yet she will not come over my house. Only once in 4 years while she drives by regularly.  I have given her a pass because her life has been difficult and well I am crazy about her.

We can have conversation and she has revealed things from her past. But her future and what she wants is impossible to ascertain.  At times I want to walk away, but those thoughts are negated by the way I feel about her. For awhile her granddaughter, who I am close with, taught her to drive, chauffeured her to and from work, always said be patient.  Socially, we are seen as married and a couple that is admired for the way we are together. Well, I just want to get an opinion about this being normal behavior/know this is normal behavior.

 

Dear Human in a Relationship with No Home Visits,

If it were a few months into the relationship, I’d say that she’s likely trying to take it slow and maybe heal past wounds. She may still be trying to heal past wounds or scared to move on. But some of that behaviour doesn’t seem normal 4 years in.

Firstly, she sounds like someone who needs a lot of time alone. That’s totally okay and normal.

However, my question to you is: When do you get to see her? You say you’ve been in her home 10 times and she’s been in your home once. So, where exactly did this relationship develop? All your conversations take place in the car? Or on walks only? This is abnormal.

Perhaps she doesn’t want you over to her home because she doesn’t want her family to get attached or ask questions. But that doesn’t explain why she won’t go over to your home. And the thing about her not even answering the door on Sundays sounds suspicious until I thought about it a little more: It’s probably her no-makeup day and she doesn’t want to put some on just to answer a door. I hate strangers seeing me without makeup, no matter how irrational others think it is. And on my no-makeup days, I don’t even leave the home. And if I do, I’m wearing sunglasses. Perhaps one of her fears in going to each other’s home is staying the night and seeing her without makeup. If that’s the case, working on boosting her confidence (without being pushy) could help. Although you sound like a caring guy, so I’m betting you’ve already done that.

There’s many possibilities but I can’t say which. Maybe she doesn’t take the relationship as seriously as you take it. Maybe she thinks of you as a friend. Maybe she’s not sure you’re the right person for her. Maybe she’s afraid of getting attached and her heart breaking. Maybe her life is so full with family that she can’t find the time (although not going to each other’s houses is still abnormal). Or perhaps the reason is something different entirely.

The only solution is to ask her. To have the awkward and vulnerable conversation.

You say her future and what she wants is “impossible to ascertain.” It likely isn’t impossible. You just have to ask and be open to hearing it, whether it’s what you want or not.

“Can I ask you something? I really like/love you but as time goes on, I’m getting confused about the future. We rarely go to each other’s houses as most couples, and I’m wondering if there’s a reason for that?” You can also add, “Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable getting closer to me?”

Then you can start asking about the future.

“How do you see our future? Do you want things to remain this way forever? Or are you open to [what you want, seeing each other more, eventually living together, getting married, staying nights over, etc.]?”

Try to come across as understanding instead of pressuring her to spend more time with you. Instead of saying “you never come over” or “you never answer the door on Sundays,” try to focus on how it makes you feel. Maybe something like, “I’m just trying to understand how you truly feel because sometimes I feel like you don’t like me too much or you don’t want us to move forward.”

Having conversations like this is tough because it requires us to be honest and to face the things we’ve tried to ignore or hide from—for both parties. But getting vulnerable together is great for building the connection that could make the relationship better. Or, it could give you the answers you need.

I had to have one of these tough conversations when I realized a man I was seeing was becoming more distant than usual. His answer wasn’t what I wanted. Instead, I heard that he’d thought about us and he didn’t think he’d be able to move to my city as quick as he promised. I asked more questions and heard more of what I didn’t want to hear. Never. He was never moving here. I’d wasted so much time on something that had no chances of developing. I was hurt, angry and depressed. But having the courage to ask those questions saved me even more heartache.

Let’s say you ask her and she has no plans on changing this way of communicating/seeing each other. Are you okay with that forever? Try to answer honestly. She’s allowed to have her needs. But you’re allowed to have your own too. And you should honour them.

It sounds like you need a partner to be there in person more. That’s a normal need. After 4 years, you don’t need to live together, but you probably should be able to spend time in each other’s homes instead of in a car. If she doesn’t want this, you can try to work out compromises. For example, maybe you never live together but she agrees to spend a few nights a week at your home. If she’s not willing to compromise, you may ask yourself if she’s the best fit for your life.

In any case, at least as you’ve described it, she treats you as more of a friend than a partner. I can tell you are wild about her. But you deserve someone who’s equally as wild about you, whether that’s her or someone else.

Sincerely,

A Human❤️

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