This post is going to make some “experts” upset.
But it’s the truth.
The Law of Attraction is pretty simple to understand. It’s basically one rule.
But when you put it to practice, it’s not always that easy. Keeping positive and thinking good thoughts all day can be a challenge.
So, surely the #1 law of attraction mistake is being negative, right?
Actually, it’s not.
If you’re practicing the law of attraction, there’s one pitfall that’s really easy to fall into. In fact, I’ll say that most fall into it—yes, even the experts.
I’ve been reading LOA books for over a decade. But ever since learning this, most are hard to read.
And, even though I believe in manifestation, I find it very hard to connect with spiritual communities who ignore this part of the LOA.
Read on to learn what this #1 law of attraction mistake is.
The #1 Law Of Attraction Mistake: Shaming People + Their Lives
Your friend is going through something terrible. Maybe her job sucks. Maybe yet another girl left him heartbroken. Maybe she’s dead broke with nowhere to live.
They’re in deep despair but you smile because your spiritual awakening means you have the answer.
“Like attracts like,” you say, as if you’ve given them a key to their own life.
“What do you mean?” they ask.
“Your vibe attracts your tribe,” you give out another cliché. “What I mean is that you attract into your life these circumstances in which you’re now experiencing. Think better thoughts and this will stop happening to you.”
So. Much. Cringe.
Can we please collectively agree to stop using the law of attraction to shame people?
Even many spiritual teachers will say that your horrible life is your own fault. After all, if it wasn’t, then the law of attraction can’t be real, right?
The truth is that while we are spiritual beings, we are in a human experience. As such, very human things happen to us. Sometimes they’re out of our control.
Believing that the law of attraction controls everything gives us a false sense that we’re being lent the control we so desperately wish to have. But that’s not exactly reality. If someone gets into a car accident, they didn’t necessarily attract that. Sometimes, sh!t happens. Sometimes other people are bad drivers.
Let’s take another example: Someone is utterly depressed and you tell them to “think positive and things will change.”
Look, thinking positive is a good step. But for someone dealing with a clinical mental health disorder, prescribing 1 spiritual motto is unlikely to change their lives. In fact, shaming them when they likely already experience shame is probably going to push them further away. Sometimes, people think or feel negatively because of the chemicals in their brain. If it were easy for them to simply think better thoughts, they would have. For some, though, that takes therapy, medication or a combination of treatments.
Yet another scenario where your holier-than-thou speak is not appreciated: Let’s say your friend can’t find a job. She works in a male-dominated industry. She knows she’ll eventually be hired but she’s telling you about how it’s more difficult her because not only is she a woman, but she’s black.
“Anyone can land their dream job if they do the manifestation work,” you tell her while visually mapping out her vision board.
Only the problem is that, even though she can and will achieve it, reality says it can be lot harder for her because of systemic racism and discrimination. You learn that manifestation is intersectional. What’s that mean? Simply put, focusing on manifestation—without also addressing the fact that people are made up of different classes, ethnicities, sexualities and abilities—demeans those whose problems can’t be waved away by the spiritual principle. Of course, people of every class, ethnicity, sexuality and ability can manifest. But not recognizing that they face more barriers makes you a bad manifester, and an even worse friend.
As you see from those scenarios, telling someone that their issue is a product of their improper use of the LOA is insensitive, unhelpful, rude and altogether—really not spiritual.
How to Stop Using the LOA to Shame People
The law of attraction can be used in many ways to achieve many things. Even if you’re not spiritual, it makes sense from a scientific standpoint. In fact, this is what cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is in a sense—our thoughts and feelings affect our behavior.
If it works for you, that’s awesome. And if it doesn’t work for you, it’s okay to keep trying.
What’s not okay is using the law of attraction to shame people or victim-blame them.
Even though you’re probably doing it unintentionally, your positivity doesn’t come across as positive. It’s actually what’s known as “toxic positivity.” If you don’t know what that means, here is a seriously good, research-backed, post about it.
When someone comes to you with something difficult and vulnerable, it’s important to validate their concerns, even amongst your positivity. Spiritual people help bring other people up. If that means not bringing up your prized LOA, that’s what it means. Maybe, instead, it means finding other, more tangible solutions. But often, it doesn’t mean finding an answer at all. It could just mean sitting with them and listening.
There’s another reason you should stop making this mistake: It could affect your own ability to manifest.
If you’re putting judgy vibes out into the world, the LOA you cling to will work against you. If you are shaming people (even unintentionally), do you think the LOA won’t pick up on that vibe too?
Bottom line: Be kind to others and the LOA will be kind to you.