How to Stay Positive When Bad Things Keep Happening

YoHumanz

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Staying positive when bad things keep happening is a chore.

The first few things are tough.

But with everything additional that happens, we get sent further down into depression, stress or anxiety.

It’s like we can never catch a break.

We try to be positive but it’s getting increasingly harder.

We know that having hope can give us the energy to move into better times.

Yet it seems more difficult each day.

In this post, we’ll show you how to stay positive when bad things keep happening.

How to Stay Positive When Bad Things Keep Happening

I’m in one of those stages in life that nothing seems to be going right. And yet, to keep moving forward, I have to maintain some sense of hope—which requires a little positivity.

That’s a really hard feat most days, not going to lie. But it’s a little easier using these tips below.

Have Social Support

Research shows that people who have better perceived social support have more happiness. Having a strong social support system, especially during tough times, can really make a difference. Whether it’s having a friend to talk to about issues or a family member to take your mind off of things, they can help you feel more positive.

Exercise

Exercise releases endorphins—the body’s feel-good chemical. So even if you’re feeling negative, sad or mad, doing something physical can help you feel at least a bit better. It’s a good idea to add exercise into your daily routine to help keep positive. However, you can amp up that habit when you’re feeling particularity low. It can be an apartment friendly workout video, beginner’s yoga video or just a walk down the street.

Allow Yourself to Feel

Often people who are overly positive have trouble feeling down. They try to push the feeling down. But that only pushes it down the line so that you need to deal with it later instead of now.

Allow yourself to feel whatever negativity you’re feeling, whether it’s sadness, anxiety or anger. Know that, as a human, having emotions is normal. And it’s even more normal to feel them.

Then, see what you can do to try to release of express how you feel. That could be:

Writing down in a journal
Venting to friends
Talking to a therapist
Doing something creative
Crying
Screaming into a pillow

Do a Good Deed

Doing good things for others makes us feel good. So even if we’re not feeling happy, doing a good deed can help raise our spirits and recharge us with positive energy. It reminds us that good is still out there, even if we have to create it ourselves.

You can do this by donating your time, money or by doing a small act. Here’s some examples:

Leave positive notes around
Leave money around
Leave a gift card for someone to find
Leave a positive review for a video, podcast or pin
Write a friend a positive note

Be Grateful

Being grateful when things are going rough can be hard. After all, having some things go well doesn’t necessarily make you feel better about the things that aren’t. But they don’t have to. Instead, think of gratitude as a refocusing of your energy on the good things. Sounds cheesy? Well, studies show that saying thanks can quite literally make you happier.

A simple way to get started is to keep a gratitude journal. You can fill this out every day at a set time as a habit. Or you can just do it when you’re feeling down. Even on the days when there’s nothing to be grateful for, go for the seemingly small things—like your eyesight, ability to talk, feet, hands, your father, your dog, your apartment, your coat, your shoes, etc.

Focusing on the good things can help put you in a more positive mood and shush out the bad things that are happening for a moment.

Meditate

This is something I need to do more of myself, so I hate writing about it. But it’s true. There’s so many benefits to meditation that it can almost make you angry. Even though sitting down and doing nothing can be difficult to make yourself commit to, it’s worth it.

One benefit it that it can help us increase our mindfulness. This state can help us become more positive and realistic about life, accepting it for what it is, rather than being so negative.

This mindfulness can also give us a greater awareness of when we’re being negative. For example, we’re more mindful of negative thoughts, so we’re better able to stop them and divert our attention elsewhere.

Take Action

Sometimes, we’re looking for ways on how to stay positive when bad things keep happening. But in reality, maybe we should be taking action and changing things instead. For example, if your life is so bad that it keeps making you feel bad and negative, consider if there’s anything you can change about it.

Of course, change takes time. Perhaps you know something should change, but can’t do it in one fell swoop, like a career change. In those cases, outline the steps and get started, even if it’s scary. You’re allowed to be scared and anxious and still move forward despite that feeling. Sometimes, we don’t have the answers to a situation, but we can commit to looking for some solutions.

If you’re feeling overly negative about something, consider whether you should take action on it, whether it’s a job, relationship, living situation, etc.

Use Affirmations

They aren’t for everyone, but affirmations can help us feel better and have hope for a brighter future. If you’re not sure what they are, affirmations are short, positive phrases. They’re usually written in the present tense, even if they aren’t true to the situation right now (i.e. “I am calm and in control.”).

These affirmations can be said out loud, in your head or written down. You can post them on sticky notes to leave around your home as reminders or use them in daily practices, such as mediation.

The idea is that saying these phrases will help make them true. There’s some research to back up that this is true. When we think about something so much, we’re more likely to see opportunities to make them happen. For that reason, it’s worth a try.

It’s also good to mention that affirmations don’t always work and sometimes they could make you feel more negative. For example, if you choose an affirmation you really don’t believe in or that is far from your reality, it could make you feel worse. Try to choose affirmations that you believe in and that are relatable to you.

To get some ideas for affirmations, you can read 33 Life-Changing Positive Affirmations For Anxiety.

Accept the Situation

As I mentioned above, meditation is a good tool for mindfulness, which involves accepting a situation as it is.

Even if you’re feeling negative, anxious, mad or sad about a situation, try to accept it as is. If you can’t change it, accept that fact. Knowing that you can’t change it, focus on what you can control—which is how you feel. Even if it doesn’t feel like you can control how you feel, you likely have a lot more control over that than the situation.

Know that it’s normal for life to have ups and downs. And therefore, it’s normal to feel ups and downs to. Sometimes, periods of life will be happy and glorious. Other periods will seem like never ending, dark ones. All of this is part of the human experience.

Reject Toxic Positivity

There’s a new trend of “good vibes only,” in which we’re only allowed to feel all good all the time. It’s really unrealistic and it’s really fake. It also doesn’t help anyone. Actually, it hurts people because it gives them a false expectation.

We are not positive Polly Pockets. We are human beings. We are going to feel negative sometimes. While we can and should try to feel better, we should also know it’s normal to feel bad at times. Pretending we feel good and to be positive all the time does not help. All it does is shove the feeling down to deal with later.

To learn more about toxic positivity, read the downside to good vibes.

Look to a Higher Power

Believing in something greater than us can help us feel that all our struggles are part of a bigger plan. Or, maybe it just makes us feel like we’re apart of something. And that something good is out there still.

You don’t need to go all religious (although you can if you want to). But you can consider ways you can make your own beliefs, if you don’t already have them. Whether it’s Buddhism, new age, wicca or nature-based beliefs, there’s likely something out there that won’t completely repulse you.

Summary on How to Stay Positive When Bad Things Keep Happening

When life is difficult, it’s hard to be positive. While you may wonder how to be less negative, issues keep popping up and it never seems to get better. The first step is to forget about being upbeat and to let yourself feel your feelings—which can be difficult. Then, you can look to the ways listed in this post on how to stay positive when bad things keep happening. Remember that ups and downs are a natural part of life and it’s okay to feel negative sometimes. If you get too stuck in that emotion, consider help from a professional, like a counselor.

How To Set an Intention for Manifestation: 8 Critical Steps

YoHumanz

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You know want manifestation is and you’re ready to get started.

The first step is to decide on your intentions.

But what are they?

And how do you set them for yourself?

Since intentions are the cornerstone of manifestation, they’re an important practice to get right. Although it’s a fun activity, it should be something you’re serious about and ready to put deep thought into.

If you’re wondering how to set an intention for manifestation, you’ve come to the right place.

What is an Intention?

When it comes to the law of attraction and manifestation, everyone is talking about intentions. But what are they really?

An intention is simply something you intend to be, do or have.

For example, you can intend to have happy day. You can intend to make more money this year. You can intend to meditate more. When you decide on something you want, you can set a specific intention for it. You can use this intention to guide your daily thoughts, actions or practices.

In essence, setting intensions allows you to get the wheels of manifestation moving. They are a tool you can use when working with the law of attraction.

When Should You Set Intentions?

Before jumping into how to set an intention for manifestation, when is the best time to do so? People set intensions at different times. You can set them, change them or update them whenever you want.

The most popular times to set intentions are:

New years— When everyone is seeking out change. You can use this energy to boost your own manifestation and intension setting goals. Or, maybe that’s too cliché for you and you hate New Year’s resolutions.
New month— Maybe something happened in the last month to make you realize you can’t wait out on change.
New season— As the seasons change, it can be a good symbolic reminder to set your intentions.
Your birthday— Every year you grow older, you realize you have less time on earth and probably want to make the most out of what you have left. Setting manifestation intentions can be a good way to make that happen.
New moons— Some people believe that the energy around the new moon is a great time to set an intention for manifestation.

Remember that although there’s popular times to set intentions, you can set it whenever you want. If you want to manifest and you’re clear on your intentions, why wait?

How To Set an Intention for Manifestation: 8 Steps

If you’re wondering how to set an intention for manifestation, we’ll go over the basics here. They include:

#1 Prepare Your Space

Setting an intention for manifestation is a special activity and it should be treated that way. Instead of pressuring yourself to sit down and write down your goals, see it as a spiritual activity.

To relax, it often helps to create a comforting environment—one that calls in good energy and makes you feel as if it’s a sacred ritual. Here are some ideas:

Play soft music
Dim the lights
Light candles
Put essential oils in a diffuser
Light incense
Have crystals around

#2 Meditate

To get clear on your intentions, it’s probably helpful to meditate. That’s because we have so many thoughts going through our brains each day that it can be difficult to focus. For example, you’ll be trying to think of your intentions while you keep getting bothered about what you need to add to your grocery list. Although this is normal, meditation can help tone down these irrelevant thoughts.

If you’ve never meditated before, it can be challenging—but worth it! If you’re just getting started, try this simple 5-minute meditation. You could also just sit for a few moments and aim to breathe slowly and pay attention to only your breathe. As your thoughts drift, remind yourself to bring your attention back to your breath.

If meditation isn’t for you, you may do another activity that focuses your thoughts. For example, using an adult coloring book, knitting, or doing yoga can all help keep your body busy and let your mind rest, focusing on the activity.

If you think meditation is a waste, consider that it’s been proven to help focus. Having this extra focus can help you set better intensions for manifesting.

#3 Brainstorm

If you already know your intentions, you can jump into writing them. For most of us though, we’ll need to brainstorm what is is that we truly want.

What helps me is to break it down into categories:

Relationships— Family, friendships, romantic relationships, dating, pets.
Career— Changes, improvements, promotions, side businesses, entrepreneurship, personal projects.
Financial— Income, saving money, manifesting money for specific goals.
Fun— Travel, hobbies, new things to see, try and do.
Self-Improvement— New things to learn, mental wellness, self-care, exercise, health, diet.

Of course, you may not have goals in each category. Maybe you have one category that’s really important for you right now. Whichever the case, it’s ok. These are your intentions and intentions are highly personal.

Choose the category/categories that appeal to you and start writing down what you’d want to manifest. To start, it’s helpful if these are short bullet points. They don’t need to be solid or complete thoughts. You’re just brainstorming right now. Do this until you’re out of ideas or until you feel satisfied with your list.

#4 Form Intentions

Next step is to actually form your intentions. This should be easy now that you’ve made bullet points in each category. Go over your thoughts and see which ones stick out to you.

For example, maybe in self-improvement category you want to set an intention for more than one thing. Let’s say you want to read more and you want to workout more. Look at your bullet points about those two goals and form each into an intention.

Another tip is to make sure your intentions are positive instead of negative. For example, instead of saying “I intend to be less lazy” you could say, “I intend to have more energy.” Another one: “I intend to eat less junk food” could be replaced with “I intend to eat more fresh foods.”

Here are some examples of intentions:

I intend to get a promotion this year.
I intend to start my side business this year.
I intend to love myself.
I intend to develop healthy romantic relationships.
I intend to take at least one vacation this year.
I intend to save a portion of my income each month.
I intend to be calm amongst chaos.
I intend to ask for help if I need it.

Remember that you probably won’t know how your intentions will come true. That’s ok. That’s not your job right now. In this moment, you’re simply learning how to set an intention for manifestation. The “how” piece and the action comes later.

#5 Write Down Your Intentions

After you’ve solidified one or a few intentions, formally write them down in a list. This could be a written list. Or one saved on your phone. Or one on your computer. It’s up to you how you write it down.

I recommend 2 ways:

Original written copy— Write your intentions down by hand and keep it in a special location. This could be in your jewelry box, in a special bowl or in an altar. If you want, you can surround it with spiritual items, like dried flowers, herbs or crystals.
Everyday copy— As each day seems to get busier, it can be easy to forget that we made intentions let alone what they are. To help prevent this, I think having a second copy that’s easy accessible is a good idea. For example, have your small list of intentions saved in your Notes app on your phone. Or as your desktop wallpaper. Make a promise to yourself to try to visit these every day. These will keep your intentions front of mind and could help to boost the manifestation process.

#6 Practice Your Intentions

After you’ve set your manifestation intentions, you should come up with a plan of how you’ll actually practice them. It isn’t enough to just write them down. You have to solidify them in your brain. As this happens, you’re more likely to see or seek out opportunities that align with your desires.

How you practice your intentions is up to you. Here are a few ideas:

Write each down a certain number of times, as if you’re writing lines in a detention
Get an adult coloring book and write your intentions within the shapes you’ve colored
Repeat them during meditation
Repeat them using mala beads (here’s how to set an intention for manifestation using mala beads)
Read them each day

#7 Take Action

Some people will tell you that that’s it. You set an intention. Now you wait and do nothing. Just wait. Keep waiting. Keep waiting. Keep waiting.

I don’t agree with that. The Secret made the law of attraction seem like a fairy god mother whose only purpose is to grant your wishes. That’s just not true.

As you begin practicing your intentions, you should also be in the real world deciding how to take action. Although some people think the law of attraction works like magic, there’s actually a psychological reason it works: When you think of something enough, you’re more likely to see opportunities and take action on it. This is a critical piece.

If it helps, you can make mini goals/action steps inside each intention. For example, if you intend to start a side business maybe your mini action steps are to:

Research the market
Test products
Set up a website
Develop a marketing plan
Save money for a marketing budget

#8 Update and Reflect

Intentions are meant to be worked on and reflected upon.

When you’re first wondering how to set an intention for manifestation, you’re probably set on the ones you decide. Over time that can change though. Maybe your goals in life change and there’s more important things you intend. For example, maybe driving that sports car seems like an unimportant goal and now you’d rather focus on intending to strengthen your relationship with your children. It’s okay, normal and healthy to change your intentions.

From time to time, sit down with your list. Decide which intentions are still important to you. Decide which ones aren’t. If appropriate, add to your list. If you need to, modify or reword intentions so that they feel better to you.

If you didn’t get what you wanted and you still have that intention, perhaps consider action steps you can take toward it. Or, maybe your way at approaching it was too intense or needy and you need to draw in a healthier energy for it.

Summary on How to Set an Intention for Manifestation

If you’re just learning how to set an intention for manifestation, imagine for a second the world is your oyster. What do you want? After using the tips above to brainstorm a few ideas, form them in official intentions. Store these written phrases in a special place. It’s also helpful to keep the list somewhere you can read every day, such as your phone. Of course, the next step after setting an intention is to get the gears moving by taking action on the opportunities that come your way.

How to Not Care About Someone Who Doesn’t Care About You

YoHumanz

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Caring about someone who doesn’t care for us back is painful.

It’s frustrating, hurtful and probably takes a whack at our self-confidence.

I wish I didn’t, but I feel you.

Every breakup I’ve been through, I feel like I need to unlearn caring about someone who doesn’t love me back.

Whether you’re in a toxic friendship, relationship or family situation, it’s hard to let go of someone who doesn’t put the same amount of effort into you. But it’s possible and mostly necessary.

Read on to learn how to not care about someone who doesn’t care about you

How to Not Care About Someone Who Doesn’t Care About You

If you’re reading this, you’re probably a very caring person. And I have some bad news for you, my friend: People like us don’t just stop caring because we want to.

It’s not that easy. But it’s probably not supposed to be. Once we open our hearts, it’s hard to take back the love. We don’t have to though. We just have to stop responding to our caring urges. Here’s how.

#1 Be Mindful of Reality

When we care about somebody a lot, it can be hard to accept that they don’t care about us back. The fact we pour so much time, effort or love into another human and don’t have it reciprocated—it feels unnatural. It can be easy to make excuses for too. For example, they don’t care about us because it’s our fault, we’re not good enough, they don’t have time to care, they had a bad past, etc. But the only truth is that they don’t care about us.

No matter how much we care about them, that won’t change. No matter how much we wish it were different, it won’t change.

In the beginning, we may lull into a space of hoping and even believing they’ll eventually care. But eventually, we’ll have to accept reality that they don’t and likely won’t.

#2 Realize Their Care Isn’t a Reflection

Sometimes, I think we unconsciously cling to someone who doesn’t care about us to prove to ourselves that we’re worth it. But that doesn’t prove or disprove anything.

It seems only natural to fill in the blanks when we don’t know the story. If we don’t know why they don’t care, the only reasonable conclusion is us, right? That there’s something inherently flawed with who we are—our personality, our looks, our beliefs or family.

But someone’s care for us isn’t a reflection of who we are. It’s a reflection of how they feel, which can have many factors that don’t even involve us.

#3 Accept the Pull without Giving In

When you care about someone who doesn’t care about you, there seems to be a constant pull. You really care about them and want to spend time with them, but you’re resentful that they don’t care about you back.

When you try to distance yourself from the person, there will be an automatic pull because you still care about then. You might want to go back to them, say hi or make excuses to check in with them. But we need to realize that it’s possible to both feel the pull and not give in. To feel care for them, but to realize we ultimately are better off without them.

#4 Stand Your Ground

When we start retracting from someone who doesn’t care about us back, they might try to pull us back in. They may try to convince us they care, even though we know they don’t. They may blame us, even though we know we’re not at fault. They may make us see sunshine, even though we’re well aware of the darkness that lurks behind us.

We need to stand our ground and be firm in our decision to refrain from them. We need to keep the focus on doing the best thing for ourselves. If the pull is too intense and it’s making you drift back, even if you don’t really want to, you may want to learn about gaslighting.

#5 Feel the Feels

When you’re trying to stop caring about someone you love, a ton of feelings will come up. You might feel depressed, loss, anger, loneliness and more.

Whatever you feel, feel it. Take the time to sit with the discomfort of feeling bad. Don’t try to drown them out with being busy, being with others or drugs. All that will do is push your healing down the line. Get the emotions out—whether it’s crying, screaming into a pillow, journaling or talking to a therapist.

#6 Imagine Someone Better

When we’re trying to detach from someone, it can be easy to think about all the good things about them and how much we care about them. Take a break from that to imagine someone better—whether it’s a partner, friend or family member. Even if you don’t think anyone can replace the role they filled in your life, just imagine if someone were to. What would that person look like? Daydream about the possibility of meeting someone who better fills your needs and who actually cares. Know that somebody similar is out there. And you have the option of eventually finding them if you let go of the person who doesn’t care about you.

#7 Forgive Yourself

If you know that some of your actions led to someone not caring about you, you need to find space to forgive yourself.

For example, let’s say you really care about someone but you hurt them. In response to that, the person decided to stop caring about you. It’s their right to enforce their boundary. But you’re left figuring out how to stop caring about someone who doesn’t care about you.

Consider the lessons learned from the experience. What would you do differently next time to treat the person? After you’ve reflected on this, realize that this is all you can do in this moment. You can commit to a better future, but you can’t change the past. Seeing this, forgive yourself for your actions in the past.

#8 Realize Your Positive Attributes

As we said above, when someone doesn’t care about us back, it can feel like a personal hit. Why don’t we deserve their care? The dig at our ego can cause us to want to seek more validation.

But we can learn how to validate ourselves in these moments. Just because somebody doesn’t care about you doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy. You are. You’re just a better fit for someone who values your positive attributes. So what are they?

List all the positive things others would benefit from if they’re in a relationship/friendship with you. Stuck? I got the first item on your list: You’re super caring. Which is an amazing characteristic for any partner or friend 🙂

#9 Retreat to Distractions

When we first start accepting that someone doesn’t care about us back, it can be all we think about. It can be hard to bare. We may continue to go back to them because we care about them.

A good way to become stable away from them is to have some distractions. Although you need to feel your feelings, having activities to retreat to can give you a break from the constant mental battle. It can help you stay away and not care about someone who doesn’t care about you.

Distractions could include:

Self-care activities
Reading
Doing crafts
Journaling
Knitting
Playing an instrument
Leaning a new language
Reorganizing your home

#10 List Their Downfalls

When we’re looking for ways on how to not care about someone who doesn’t care about you, it can help to consider the person’s downfalls. Of course, if we care about and miss them, we already know there’s a lot of good things about the person. But knowing they don’t care about us means that we need to detach. That’s going to be easier if we can reason why we’re doing so.

Think about the things you don’t like about the person, small or big. It could be a pet peeve, such as eating loudly. A friend that only talks about herself. Or a partner who’s cheated on you before.

Realize that these negative attributes help balance the person out—leading you to see the reality about them. Whenever you find yourself idealizing your relationship with them, reflect on your list.

#11 Learn to Care in Another Way

I know you’re reading this post because you want to know how to not care about someone who doesn’t care about you. But the truth is, you might still care about someone. Hell, you might always care about this person. And that’s okay.

You’ll just learn to care in a different way. One that doesn’t hurt you or cross your boundaries.

It’s possible to care about someone in a way that wishes their future well, even if you’re not in it. It’s possible to be resentful if someone’s future is going well but still care and want the best for them anyway.

Caring about others means we open our hearts to them. It means we have the courage to make ourselves vulnerable to the possibility that we won’t be cared for back. It’s a beautiful thing, even if it makes us more suspectable to grief. We don’t have to stop it. We just have to learn how to care differently without the person in our lives.

How to Not Care Anymore: Summary

Learning how to not care about someone who you love could be one of the toughest things you’ll do. But once you know they don’t put that same effort toward you, it’s best to let them go.

Even know that, it can be hard to do. Using the tips in this post can help you gain the self-compassion and resiliency you need to move forward.

Most importantly, know that someone not caring about you isn’t a reflection on you. And it doesn’t mean you should stop. Caring about people as deeply as you do is a beautiful thing. It makes your heart more open to pain. But it also makes it more open to love too.

14 Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries To Be Aware Of

YoHumanz

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Unhealthy boundaries can be disastrous.

It can lead to people using you, taking advantage of you and wasting too much of your kindness and generosity.

Having personal guidelines helps you enforce what you are and aren’t comfortable with inside romantic, friend, family, co-worker and any other type of relationship.

Here, we’re discussing what unhealthy boundaries look like.

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are persona rules you set to identify what you’re comfortable with in a relationship. A boundary may state that it’s okay when a friend does this action, but not when they do that action. A simple boundary many people set is that they’re okay with regularly texting their friends, but they don’t want to be available 24/7. A more specific boundary would be that you’re okay with texting your boss about work, but not about your personal life.

Boundaries are set by the people in the relationship. In some circumstances, they may be set by a governing body (for example, human resources rules within a company). Boundaries look different to everyone and it’s okay if yours look different from your friends. For example, your friend may be okay with their friends texting them non-stop, but you don’t like that and that’s your boundary.

Both people in a relationship should operate within each other’s boundaries. This is true for friendships, relationships, co-workers and family.

Examples of healthy boundaries include:

Saying sorry for your own problems but refusing to take the blame for others
Being there for a friend but not being on call 24/7
Allowing a partner to be angry at their day but not to take that anger out on you
Having more personal space or time alone

Unhealthy boundaries are ones that don’t reflect your personal needs. For example, let’s say you set a boundary with your partner that they can know your passwords, but they can’t login to your accounts. If you’re uncomfortable with that rule and it makes you feel that they don’t trust you or are creeping on you, that’s an unhealthy boundary. Instead a healthier boundary and one that feels right to you may be that your partner can’t have access to your passwords or accounts at all.

14 Unhealthy Boundaries

If you’re wondering if you have unhealthy boundaries, consider the list below.

#1 Sharing Your Entire Life with Strangers

Sometimes, you connect with someone and you share a lot about yourself right away. But if this happens to you all the time and you find yourself giving up intimate details to strangers, it could be a sign of unhealthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries would typically reserve some privacy until you better know someone. Giving trust so blindly can mean guards are too low.

#2 Sitting/Standing Close Physically

Everyone knows someone who invades their “personal space.” This person talks way too close to your face and seems to not get the hint when you take a step back. If this has been you at times, it’s a sign you have unhealthy boundaries and that you’re violating other people’s.

#3 Contradicting Your Values

If you’re being influenced to contradict a personal or moral value, it’s likely that you have unhealthy boundaries. For example, let’s say your partner is protesting an issue that you morally disagree with, but you agree to go along anyway. Or, maybe your friend is insisting you miss your mother’s birthday party so they can rant about their date—so you forgo your value of family. These are signs you need to adjust your boundaries so they better align with your values.

#4 Touching Another Without Asking

Touching someone without getting permission is a sign of an unhealthy boundary. For example, let’s say you’re pregnant and everyone in the office is suddenly your friend, coming up and feeling your belly. A healthy boundary would be co-workers who either ask first or respect your physical space entirely.

#5 Taking Bad Behavior

Let’s say you’re in a relationship and you know your partner is treating you badly. You’ve tried to make them change it, but they won’t, so you stay in the relationship. A healthy boundary looks like ending the relationship when bad behavior isn’t fixed. An unhealthy boundary encourages you to stay and downplays your needs.

#6 Never Saying No

If you have a friend that you always need to say “yes” to, it’s likely you have unhealthy boundaries. You’re allowed to have personal rules around when you go out and see friends. When others are upset about your boundaries, that reflects them, not your boundary.

#7 Trusting Everyone

If you trust everyone or anyone shortly after you meet them, you probably want to set some better boundaries. Healthy personal guidelines typically look like giving out trust as it’s earned overtime.

#8 Letting People Make Your Decisions

If other people are making your decisions for you, whether big or small, it could be a sign that you have inappropriate boundaries. This could be as simple as your partner deciding what you’ll eat at a restaurant. Although they can make recommendations, deciding for you isn’t normal. You may also defer to someone else for your life’s decision because you’re used to them bending your boundaries.

#9 Accepting Gifts You Don’t Want

Let’s say you haven’t talked to your mother in years but she buys you a birthday gift each year. Even though it’s a gesture, you know it’s her way of trying to manipulate you with money and into talking with her again. If that gift crosses your boundary, it’s okay to say no thanks.

#10 Accepting Physical Affection You Don’t Want

Another sign of unhealthy boundaries is if you accept a physical action that you don’t want to. For example, let’s say your co-worker hugs you often and you’re uncomfortable with it. In these cases, you should know that you’re allowed to have personal boundaries. And others should respect them.

#11 Trying to Please Everyone

If you’re trying to do things to make everyone happy, you probably have set some unhealthy boundaries for yourself. You’re allowed to put you first.

#12 Allowing People to Take Advantage of You

When we know someone is taking advantage of us in order to gain a benefit, we should be able to call it out and correct or end the relationship. Unhealthy boundaries means that you’re silent about being walked over and the situation likely continues.

#13 Allowing People to Take an Unlimited Amount…

This could be allowing people to take an unlimited amount of time, effort, money, anything. At some point, most people have a boundary where they say “enough is enough” and draw the line. Not having this point likely symbolizes an unhealthy boundaries.

#14 Ignoring Problems

Perhaps you hate confrontation, so you’d rather pretend a problem doesn’t exist than bring it up. Or maybe you’ve brought it up so many times without a resolution that the only thing left to do is ignore it. In any case, a healthy relationship should allow you to confront and resolve problems calmly. Ignoring problems could be a sign of unhealthy boundaries that others keep crossing.

Summary: Unhealthy Boundaries

Personal boundaries are important to have in relationships because they dictate what you will and won’t accept. Identifying what you’re uncomfortable with and saying so is not only empowering, but it’s normal and healthy. If you’re not sure if you have unhealthy boundaries, read the list above and see if you can relate to any.

11 Apartment-Friendly Lunge Variations You NEED In Your Routine

YoHumanz

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What gets your heart pumping the most?

There’s many exercises that challenge your body. But among them all—some lunge variations top the list.

(I’m looking at you, jumping lunges).

Lunges are an exercise that most people can do and customize to their fitness intensity.

A workout including lunges is one that’s challenging for the lower body. Lunges work your hamstrings, gluts, quadriceps and calves.

You can use them to strengthen your muscles, make moving easier or prepare for exercise. You can also speed up the pace you do lunges for a cardio-like benefit.

Read on to learn the 11 lunge variations.

How to Do Lungless Properly

Lunges seem like—and can be—a simple exercise, but it’s critical to do them properly. If you have an incorrect position while lunging, you can end up injuring yourself. It’s better to do the exercise slowly to ensure you have food form than to speed it up and get hurt.

Here’s how to do a basic lunge:

Stand up straight
Step forward, placing your leg at a 90-degree angle, sending your opposite leg to the floor
Make sure your knee doesn’t extend past your toes
Return to starting position

Common lunge mistakes include:

Your knee going past your toes
Leaning forward or having bad posture during the lunge
Having wobbly knees and an unstable stance
Moving too fast and compromising form (ex. jumping lunges)

11 Lunge Variations: How to Different Lunges

Lunge variations are great to try when you’re working out at home and need some apartment-friendly exercises.

#1 Forward Lunge

This is the basic lunge. With your feet hip-width apart, take a step forward, bending your knee to a 90-degree angle and sending your back leg down. Stand back up into position and repeat on the other side.

#2 Reverse Lunge

What do reverse lunges work? Like forward lunges, the reverse variation strengthens glutes and hamstrings. It can be good for those with join issues since it puts less pressure and allows your front leg to be stable. Stand with your feet hip-width apart and take a step backward. Bend your front knee forward, lowering your body so the knee gently touches the floor. Return to position and repeat on the other side.

#3 Curtsy Lunge

Curtsy lunges look like what they sound like–doing a curtsy in a lunge position. Standing up, step back your left leg behind your right leg, bending the right knee. Touch the floor with your knee. Return to position and repeat on the other side.

#4 Side lunges

Side lunges work your hamstrings, glutes, quads and strengthens inner thigh muscles. It’s also a great exercise to do if you’re trying to gain flexibility, such as getting into splits position. To do a side lunge, stand with your feet hip-width apart. Step to your left, bending your left knee and pushing your hips back. Return back to position and repeat on the other side.

#5 Clock Lunge

A clock lunge combines the lunges of all directions: front, side, back and curtsy. Lunge in all 4 directions with one foot and then switch to the other side..

#6 Walking Lunges

Walking lunges are the same as a standard lunge, but adds movement. This can challenge balance and strengthen muscles. To do walking lunges, step forward 2 or 3 feet into a lunge. Lower your hips into the lunge, hold for a moment and then bring your back leg forward into your natural position. Repeat, walking forward in a smooth transition for each lunge.

#7 Lunge Twist

This lunge twist give you the benefits of a regular lunge, but also adds some abdominal work. To do it, begin with a normal lunge. When you’re in lunge position, activate your core by twisting your torso to the right. Twist back and stand up. Repeat on the other leg and the other side.

#8 Airborne Lunges

Airborne lunges are a challenging variation that can increase leg strength and improve your coordination. This one will take a little longer to get the hang of. Strand on your right foot and bend your left heel upwards. Bend your right knee, sitting back into your heel as you lunge down and drop your left knee.

#9 Add Weights

If you want to add some extra intensity to your lunges, consider adding dumbbells. This can give you more strengthening benefits while also raising your heartrate.

#10 Bulgarian Split Squat

This one combines a lunge and a squat. It helps strengthen the same muscles as a lunge, but the focus is on the front leg. This isn’t one to try for beginners. Ensure you understand proper form and have the focus to pay attention to form while doing this lunge variation. To do a Bulgarian split squat, stand with one leg on a bench or sofa that’s slightly below knee-height. Your other leg should be at a 90-degree angle in front of you. Bend your front knee to lower into the lunge.

#11 Alternating Jump Lunges

This is advanced exercise is a variation of the walking lunge. Don’t try it until you’ve mastered the basic form of the lunge. If you’re working out at home in an apartment, jumping lunges can be a louder exercise. Consider using carpet, mats and landing lightly.

When you’re in the lunge position, powerfully push off the floor using your arms and force. Jump and switch your legs in the air, landing in a lunge position on the opposite leg. If you can’t do this quickly without compromising form, go slowly until you can build your way up.

Summary on Lunge Variations

Whether you’re working out at home or in the gym, lunges are a great way to burn fat and gain strength. If you’re a beginner, make sure to master the basic lunge before you try more complex variations. Remember, the most important thing is to get your form right so that you can continue working out without injury.

Why You Love People Who Hurt You: 11 Eye-Opening Reasons

YoHumanz

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Sadly, I’m probably a great person to write this post.

I’ve loved people who hurt me—a lot.

I’ve known it was wrong and continued to stay.

There’s many reasons why it happens.

And no, I’m not going to tell you to love yourself more (although maybe you should, you’re awesome!).

Instead, I’m going to point out x reasons why we love the people who hurt us.

And hopefully, shed some insight on how to break painful bonds.

Why You Love People Who Hurt You

There’s a variety of reasons why we love the people who hurt us. Read on and see which may ring true for you.

#1 Childhood or Young Adult Trauma

To go psych 101 on why you love people who hurt you, look at your childhood and adolescents. Are there any patterns you’re recreating today? At first, it can be hard to see because it feels so natural. But if we keep this thought in our mind, we may begin to notice similarities.

If we experienced a relationship where hurt and love were intertwined while growing up, it makes it more likely we will repeat those behaviors in adulthood. Research has shown that adverse childhood experiences (ACE) are associated with the partner you choose–and your relationship with them. For example, studies show that daughters of alcoholics are twice as likely to marry an alcoholic.

Whether a family member or partner in young adulthood caused us hurt, this can be sort of “programmed” into our brain. As a result, we seek out people who follow those patterns. They feel natural. They feel like home.

This is why you might continue loving someone who hurt you in the same way your dad or mother did. For example, perhaps you grew up with a narcissistic mothers and now all your relationships are with narcissistic men who hurt you similarly.

Recognizing these patterns is a good starting place to detaching from people who hurt you. If the wounds run deep—or even if they don’t—a therapist can help you safely work through them.

#2 We Have an Anxious Attachment Style

Attachment styles are typically related to how we grew up, as we talked about above. There are 3 main types of attachment styles:

Secure
Anxious-preoccupied
Fearful-avoidant
Dismissive-avoidant

Originally, psychologists came up with the theory of attachment styles to explain how children bond with parents. However, now we also understand they can be applied to any relationships, including romantic ones.

People with an anxious attachment style can find it really hard to let someone go. They are usually the ones to reach out and patch things up, even if they’re in the right and are hurt by another’s actions. To prevent us from the anxiety of detaching, we keep the person around, even when they have bad behavior.

If you think you have an anxious attachment style, you should know that it’s usually best to be with people who have a secure attachment style. And if the person you love is repeatedly hurting you, it can usually be assumed they’re not secure.

#3 It’s Not Love

Some people say that if you love someone who hurts you, it’s not love. I’m not sure I agree with this. I think you can love people who are great and who are horrible. After all, love is a reflection of our own ability, not theirs. Instead, I’d say the difference is that one is “healthy love” and the other is “unhealthy love.”

But sometimes, it really isn’t love at all. In some situations, we may confuse infatuation with love. For example, if we want a partner and somebody pays attention to us, we may automatically feel better. Like the world has turned and we’ve found the one. When they hurt us, we may accept or reject their actions, but we continue being with them anyway. It’s worth thinking about whether you love the person or love the idea of being with a person.

#4 You Don’t Want to Be Alone

Many people are afraid of being alone, so they keep people around for far too long—whether it be hurtful partners, friends or family members. In effort to keep their loneliness at bay, they continue loving someone despite the pain.

But if you pay attention to it, aren’t you still lonely? Even if you’re with the one you love, doesn’t the pain of hurt resemble the pains of being alone?

Letting go of someone who hurts us is hard—but even harder if we know we’ll end up being lonely. But it’s better to be alone with yourself and have the opportunity of meeting someone better—than to settle for someone who hurts us.

#5 We’re Good at Forgiving

Many people hold onto past hurts for a long time. But then there’s another group who forgive easily. In many cases, I’ve been a part of that group. I can see why someone did what they did and I forgive them for their actions, even if I don’t agree with them.

Forgiving easily can be a really good thing. It can help release the weight of resentment and anger. It can aid you in moving on. It can feel like closure.

But forgiving and forgetting are 2 very different things. I can forgive someone for hurting me, but because I don’t forget it, I end my relationship with them.

I’ve made the mistake many times of forgiving but not forgetting—that is, to continue with someone who has and will continue to hurt me.

For those of us who forgive too quick, we need to remind ourselves of ourselves: our hurt matters. We can say “I forgive you but I also let you go.”

#6 We Think the Pros Outweigh the Cons

If you’re in a situation where you think someone has good and bad traits, you may love them simply because you think their pros outweigh their cons. Perhaps your partner puts you down or calls you names, but they’re nice sometimes too—they plan date nights, are smart and have a good family. So, you continue loving them because there’s more good than bad.

It’s important to realize something though—the pros don’t erase the cons. As much as your partner compliments you, their put downs are not excusable. If they do 100 good things but the one thing they do is abusive, that’s not okay.

#7 You Have Compassion and Empathy

Sometimes, we love people who hurt us because we have a large amount of compassion and/or empathy. Even though we may not want to love them because it’s painful, it’s almost as if we can’t help it. For example, maybe your partner or ex says mean things to you, which you know is not okay. But at the same time, they’ve had a bad day, they inherited temper issues from their dad, they have addictions, etc.

We understand the reasons behind why people act the way they do and we have compassion for their experience. We probably know the “reason” doesn’t excuse their mean behavior. But still, we still have trouble detaching.

If you can relate to this, I feel you. It’s a hard place to be in to feel someone else’s pain while also feeling your own. It takes a strong, courageous person to see both ends. But you can do it. You can have empathy but also keep the person as far away from you as is healthy. It just means you have self-compassion too 🙂

#8 We Want to Help Them

Similar to the point above, sometimes when we love someone, we understand their problems and want to help them. Unfortunately, in this process, we can get hurt.

Whether it’s a friend, partner or family member, we might feel for the situation they’re going through and aim to soothe or support. For example, maybe your friend has an addiction or your dad has a mental health issue. These problems are causing our loved ones to act out and do hurtful things. Still, because we want to see them be happier, we stick around and support them.

Maybe they’re trying to help themselves or maybe not. In any case, it’s good to remember that boundaries are necessary. Nobody’s needs are superior to yours. And we can’t change other people, no matter how much we want.

Backing up or walking away from the hurt could make us feel like bad people. Especially if we suspect they’ll go further downhill without us. But we are the most important people in our own lives and we need to start treating ourselves like it.

#9 We Think It Will Get Better

Adding to the last point, sometimes we continue loving the people who hurt us because we genuinely believe or hope it will get better.

We’ve pointed out to our partner where they’re hurting us and how to stop. They haven’t made a lot of progress—but we think they’re trying a bit. They continue their harmful behaviors but maybe we just need to wait a bit longer until they’re healed and finally stop being so mean.

Stop waiting around. Sure, it’s possible the person will change but look at the pattern of behavior. Be honest. Is it likely? And, if they do, how long will it take? Things don’t change overnight. Are we supposed to stand the hurt for that long? No. You deserve someone who treats you well.

#10 We’re Afraid of the Future

Sometimes we continue being there for the people who hurt us because we’re afraid of that the future would look like otherwise. Even though we wouldn’t be dealing with their pain, we’d be dealing with other types of discomfort and we’re afraid.

Maybe your partner hurts you but you don’t want to split because that would mean moving out and you’re afraid to live alone. Or maybe you’re afraid you won’t find anyone better. Perhaps your parents put you down every holiday but you don’t enforce boundaries because Christmas day would look a lot different if you did.

But if we continue with the people who hurt us because we’re afraid of the future, we won’t know how much better it can be. Spend some time brainstorming and trying to get excited about the good that could eventually come from it.

#11 Because We Don’t Need to Be There Physically to Love

Maybe you’ve already distanced yourself from the one who hurts you. And maybe you still love them anyhow. That’s an important realization and lesson to learn too—that we can love someone yet minimize or delete the role they play in our lives.

To be fair, sometimes it’s like we can’t control how we feel. We can’t MAKE ourselves stop loving someone. We try and try and try. But it doesn’t work.

So let’s take some of that pressure off. If you can’t stop loving them, let the feeling play out how it will without judging it. Continue distancing yourself from the person, but accept the feeling. Have some self-compassion and be proud of yourself for staying away even though you feel the pull of love.

Summary on Why We Love People Who Hurt Us

There’s many reasons you may continue loving someone who hurts you. It could be rooted in childhood traumas, loneliness, rose-colored glasses syndrome or empathy. No matter why you’re staying despite the hurt, know that you deserve better and that it’s out there—even if we can’t see it yet 🙂

Is My Breakup Grief Normal? Normalizing Heartbreak Pain

YoHumanz

When we’re going through a breakup, we might feel like we feel too much.

Like we’re alone and the only ones to go through this pain.

We know that others struggle too, but nobody seems to hurt this bad.

But the truth is, being heavily affected by your breakup is more common than you think.

If you feel depressed, like your life got worse—like it’s just about unbearable—you’re not alone.

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Normalizing Breakup Grief: 8 Heartbreak Facts

When you’re going through heartbreak, it can be helpful to know that breakup grief is more commonly intense than you might think. This doesn’t take away the pain. But knowing others feel similarly and get through it can give us hope.

#1 Depression is Common

How often do we feel not just sad, but depressed after a breakup? It’s easy to feel like others get over their exes quickly, but the reality is that they often don’t. In one study, 40% of college students who broke up said they were depressed. Moreover, 12% reported feeling severely depressed.

#2 Decline in Life Satisfaction is Common

Don’t you wish your breakup sadness only affected your romantic life? But it doesn’t. The breakup grief bleeds into your work life, family life, hobbies, school, etc. Sometimes, it feels like it affects everything and degrades your life as a whole.

Many people experience this alongside you. In a 2011 study, 43% of people had a medium-sized decline in life satisfaction after a breakup.

#3 Average Breakup Distress Nearing Unbearable

Have you ever had a breakup that felt so sad, horrible and hurtful that it was just about unbearable? Sometimes that can be followed by shame of how much we’re hurting. We might tell ourselves that we should have moved on, that we’re weak. That we haven’t seen anyone hurt this bad up close, so there must be something wrong with us.

But the reality is that having distress—a lot of distress—is common during breakups. Researchers surveyed close to 6,000 participants in nearly 100 countries. They asked them to rate their emotional response to breaking up. On the low end, 1 was no effect. On the high end, 10 was unbearable. For both men and women, the medium and mean response was 7 out of 10.

#4 Love Rejection Triggers Cocaine-Related Brain Areas

This was the biggest thing that normalized breakup grief for me. Studies show that areas of the brain that light up for love rejection also light up for cocaine cravings.

Yes, that means areas involved in drug addiction could explain our obsessive behaviors. Things like thinking about your ex constantly, recalling positive memories, looking at photos and stalking their social media may be functions of this brain area.

So, instead of judging ourselves for the fact we can’t stop thinking about them, let’s pause. Take a breath. And realize that you’re likely dealing with real biological changes—this is hard! Have some self-compassion.

#5 Breakup Memories Trigger Physical Pain-Related Brain Areas

Here’s more proof that your brain is going through serious changes during a breakup. In one study, researchers asked participants to look at pictures of their ex while using functional MRI. They found the same areas of the brain that light up for physical pain also light up when they looked at the photos.

So next time you feel bad when you see a picture of your ex on social media, remember that it’s normal. Your brain is triggering the same thing that physical pain does. It’s okay to feel hurt by it. Understanding these facts can help us treat ourselves a little more nicely; like we would if we were in physical distress.

#6 Ex-Lover Cravings Are Real

Do you have cravings for your ex, even if you know they aren’t good for you? Even though it logically doesn’t make sense, you can’t help but think about them or miss them.

One explanation could be that breakups involve the reward system. And your brain physically expects the love to return. When you split with someone, reward-expecting neurons are still expecting love to come back. It’s not like they understand you broke up and stop right away.

This biological expectation for reward after heartbreak should make you feel a little more normal. The cravings for your ex just aren’t in your heart—they’re in your physical brain too.

#7 Lower Self-Worth Means More Breakup Distress

Ever wonder what makes one breakup better or worse than another? Well, there’s a ton of factors. But researchers have uncovered and important one: Self-worth. A 2011 study found that those who base their self-worth on their relationship status have more emotional distress and obsession.

This intuitively makes sense. If we need to be in a relationship to feel worthy, not being in one changes our view of ourselves—leading to a ton of emotional turmoil. Next time you’re going through a rough heartbreak, ask yourself if you tied any of your self-worth to the relationship or the fact you were in one.

#8 Humorous People Are Harder to Get Over

Sometimes you might split up with someone and only experience a bit of sadness. Other times, you might be fighting with urges to text, call or “accidently” bump into them. Why? What makes one person harder to give up than another?

A 2015 study revealed that women took a longer period of time to get over their ex if they were funny. More specifically, for every 1 point of humor they rated their ex, the chances of contacting them went up.

The takeaway? Don’t date funny people; they’re just too hard to get over.

Just kidding. But don’t be too hard on yourself when you start missing your class clown.

Summary on Breakup Grief

Many of us think we should be over our breakup or divorces already. That our pain is too deep. Our healing is taking too long. That something is wrong with us. But the truth is, it’s normal to feel intensely after a breakup. Research shows that people commonly feel depressed and many rate the experience as nearing unbearable. There’s more interesting heartbreak facts too.

Not only are you not alone, but there’s biological reasons why you’re feeling so rough during heartbreak. Studies show that romantic endings can trigger areas of the brain related to cocaine cravings and physical pain.

If you’re feeling heartbroken, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel deeply, even if it looks like others don’t. Treat yourself the same way you would if you were in physical pain.

Read This If You Feel Alone: 12 Thoughts on the Pain of Loneliness

YoHumanz

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Feeling a little empty, unwanted, disconnect from the world?

Like the globe is turning but you’re watching it instead of inside it?

Maybe you have everyone’s back—but no one has yours.

Perhaps you want to connect so badly with the world but for some reason, it’s difficult.

Maybe you’re single and have felt alone for too long.

Or maybe you just broke up and you’re being introduced into a world of loneliness.

You could be in a relationship and feel more isolated than ever.

Or have all the friends in the world yet nobody you can really trust.

You probably hate this new feeling of being alone.

Or maybe you’ve always felt alone.

Maybe you will always be lonely, you might think.

People find themselves lonely in many situations. It can be a temporary feeling, one that lingers or one that just rears its head every now and then.

If you can relate to any of this… please, keep reading.

Read This If You Feel Alone

Loneliness could have many causes. And just about as many solutions. While you may feel alone for many different reasons, realise it’s a common and normal experience. For some people, loneliness will go away with time. For others, we need to learn how to better connect with others, the world around us or ourselves. Here’s some thoughts on that.

It Won’t Always Be Like This

Maybe the most horrible part about feeling alone is that it feels like it will never change. It feels like no one is there or no one cares and they never will either. But that’s not true.

It can be helpful to think of life as similar to “seasons.” Some seasons you may be close with family, friends or romantic partners. Other seasons, you may spend more time within yourself. Some seasons, relationships will be great. Other seasons, they’ll deteriorate, break and cause pain.

Even if you’ve never felt not alone, it doesn’t mean you won’t feel better in the future. Sometimes, we may not have evidence we’ll pull ourselves out of loneliness, but we need to choose hope anyway.

Feel It

It’s okay to admit to yourself you feel alone and to allow yourself to cry and release that emotion. Sometimes, we try to fill out time and stay busy so we don’t need to remind ourselves of how alone we truly are. But all that does is push the “deal with it” date later down the line. So be okay with feeling how you feel. Feel it all. A better feeling is somewhere on the other side of it.

Others Are Lonely Too

Knowing that other people feel alone won’t make you feel better, but it could help you feel more normal. Almost everyone has periods where they feel like or are alone. Even the people we may know well—the people that go to parties, have the seemingly best relationships and the best jobs—can feel lonely sometimes.

It’s easy to think otherwise with social media, right? But people share the highlights of their lives and rarely the low ones. Just like you may be shielding others from your loneliness, others could be shielding it from you too.

It’s a natural emotion. It’s also natural to yearn for connection. It’s a part of being human.

Loneliness Doesn’t Need to Be Personalized

Often when we feel alone, we have negative thoughts about ourselves and what the loneliness means. For example, we’re alone because nobody loves or cares about us. We’re unworthy of other’s attention. We have no friends and it’s our fault because we’re not good enough too. While everyone is together enjoying life, we’re alone because something deep inside us is flawed, even if we can’t pinpoint it.

The bad thoughts are endless. But the fact is you’re lonely. And the other fact is that feeling lonely says nothing about you. Blaming ourselves give us reason why we feel that way. It helps us write the story. But not a true one. We need to stop and remind ourselves that we’re worthy of feeling connection, even if we feel the opposite. Realize that you can have these thoughts and acknowledge them without believing them.

There’s Value in Unpleasant Experiences

Nobody wants to feel lonely but many times, our dark experiences can lead to great growth or understanding. Obviously, this doesn’t mean we should seek out bad feelings, but it gives us opportunity to make the best out of them.

If you’re in the pits of your loneliness, you might be able to see a reason for it. But probably not. And that’s normal and you don’t need to. But it’s worth considering that this feeling could teach you some lessons you’ll eventually be thankful for.

For example, my darkest lonely times have given me a better understanding of other people’s dark times, even if they don’t look like mine. I think it’s given me more compassion, empathy and weirdly enough—a better, more “worldly” connection with others.

Re-Evaluate Relationships: Feeling Alone in a Relationship

If you feel alone but you aren’t really alone—it’s a good idea to ask yourself why. For example, many people feel alone in a relationship. Perhaps your partner isn’t affectionate, doesn’t understand you or can’t communicate about tough things. Or maybe your friend never seems interested in your life so you don’t feel you can talk to them. Over time, this can make you feel very lonely, even if you love them.

In these cases, you might want to revaluate the relationship. Is there anything you can do to improve it? Sometimes, there is. But remember, we can’t change other people. If there’s nothing we can do and we feel alone with them, we might consider ending the relationship to find people who deserve us. Yes, losing them could make you feel even lonelier. But it’s better to be lonely and truly alone than to feel that way with someone else.

Although the people in our lives should care, be there and support us, we also have to realize that it’s not their job to make us happy or kill our loneliness. Sometimes, the people in our lives are absolutely great—but we still feel alone. So what then? Read the next point…

Get Comfortable with Yourself

Maybe you have some great people in your life but you’re still looking for your soulmate and feel lonely in the meantime. Maybe you already have everyone you need. But the loneliness still won’t go away.

One possible reason is that we need to get comfortable with ourselves and spending time in our own company. This is usually easier if you’re an introvert. If you’re an extrovert, you naturally want to be around people a lot—and that’s healthy! But it’s also healthy to learn how to be with yourself.

Know that it’s natural to be alone sometimes. It doesn’t mean you’re missing out, that the world is forgetting about you or that people don’t love you. Allow yourself to think, process your thoughts, get creative, cry, eat in restaurants alone, take up new hobbies, do calming practices (ex. meditation), etc. Get comfortable with being by yourself at times.

Go into Nature

Being lonely and stuck at home make both of those things worse. When you’re feeling alone, go outside. Anywhere. Go for a walk. To the park. For a coffee. For a hike. To pick flowers. Try to pick somewhere in nature since nature has been shown to decrease loneliness in research.

Experiencing the world around you can help make you feel more in it. A little Vitamin D can’t hurt either.

Take Time for Self-Care

When you’re lonely, the feeling is often accompanied by bad thoughts about yourself. One way to feed some love back into your body is with some self-care. What that looks like is different to everyone. The main part is that it nourishes your body, mind and soul.

Self-care could be:

Reading
Yoga
Meditation
Face masks
Painting your nails
Taking a bath
Reading a book
Knitting

Connect Online

If you’re feeling alone and want to reach out to someone but can’t in person, consider some ways you can do so online. You can join online communities and meet people to message to chat with. Although it may not be the same, it can help dampen the loneliness. Here’s some ideas:

Facebook groups
Friend-meeting apps like Bumble BFF
Reddit forums
Random chat sites

Seeing Connections from Afar Can Help

Even if you don’t have anyone you can connect with right now, go outside your home and watch the connections of others. For example, when I’m feeling lonely, even a stranger’s smile on a morning walk can make me feel a little closer to others. You can sit on a park bench and watch the connections of others, or do the same in a coffee shop while connecting with the barista.

Connect Spiritually

When I was a teenager, I got very interested in spirituality. When I was reflecting on this, I realized the reason why was because it helped me feel less alone during that time.

Having a sense of spirituality can help you feel better connected to the world around you—like you’re less alone and more a part of something bigger. It could be religion, Buddhism, witchcraft, nature-based or a mixture of beliefs strung together. Even believing in a common humanity can help impart a sense of hope.

Summary on Feeling Alone

Loneliness is probably one of the hardest feelings to feel. Sometimes, it’s like it will never end. And it can happen whether we’re with others or not. Despite the awfulness, there’s a common human experience in loneliness: Almost everyone feels it at some points. While it’s normal, it’s important to not personalize it and blame ourselves. To feel better, sometimes we need to take steps to connect with others and other times we need to better connect with ourselves.

If you’re still feeling alone and that nobody is there for you, I am. I love you ❤️ Send me an email at [email protected] if you want to talk.

11 Signs Casual Relationship is Getting Serious + They’re Falling

YoHumanz

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When you start dating someone, you’re not really sure where it’s going.

Can you see yourself in a long-term relationship with them?

Do they see themselves with you too?

Often times, we don’t have “the conversation” about where the relationship stands or where it’s going.

Sometimes, the relationship develops naturally and ends up something far more serious than it started out.

So how do you know if you’re on the right track?

How do you know if the person you’re dating is getting more into it?

In this post, we’re counting 11 signs a casual relationship is getting serious.

11 Signs Casual Relationship Getting Serious

Wondering if the person you’re dating is starting to see more potential? Consider these signs of a serious relationship:

They talk about the future with you
They ask questions about your future
You meet their people
They talk about you with others
You spend weekends together
You do not fun things together
They allude to love
They talk to you a lot
They leave things at your home
You have deep convos
You have “the relationship convo”

We’ll go over these main points in more detail below.

#1 They Talk About the Future

If someone is talking about their future and they’re adding you into the scene, it’s because they can see a future with you, meaning that it’s getting serious in their mind.

This could be something like asking you to be their wedding date months in advance. Or it could be planning a vacation for next summer. Sometimes, people will place you in their long-term future. For example, they joke about what a good mother or father you’d be or how you’d be such a caring wife.

#2 They Ask Questions About the Future

Maybe your partner isn’t placing your into their future just yet, but perhaps their asking questions about how you envision yours. Of course, sometimes these conversations happen early in the relationship as people don’t want to waste time. Other times though, as your partner gets more serious about you, they ask questions about your future to understand what theirs would look like for you.

A few examples would be asking about what you’d name your kids (if you want them), how you’d parent, where you’d like to live the rest of your life, what type of home is your goal, etc.

#3 You Meet Their People

This isn’t always a sign that things are getting serious. For example, if you share the same group of friends, of course you’ll hang around them. Also, some people are just more casual about introducing whoever they’re dating to family and friends.

But if you know the person you’re dating doesn’t just bring anyone home and they bring you home, they plan on keeping your around. If you’re unsure whether meeting their family or friends is special, you can simply ask them, “how many people have met your family/friends before?”

#4 They Talk About You with Others

Ok, so maybe you haven’t met their friends or family yet, but you know for a fact your partner is talking about you. Maybe they tell you stories about things they’ve mentioned about you to their family and friends. Again, if you know this person is serious about their family and friends and they bring you up, they’re probably starting to get serious about you too. After all, why talk about you if they think you’ll be gone in a few weeks?

#5 You Spend Weekends Together

In the beginning, you’ll probably schedule dates and hang outs with your partner. Maybe a Friday or Saturday night and then you’ll go home and maybe meet up during the week.

But as things get more serious, you’ll start to spend more time together and that can be one of the signs a casual relationship is getting serious. For example, if you both have weekends off, you’ll start spending the weekend at their place. Instead of going home in between visits, you’ll have a few full days together. Spending that much time with someone without a break is pretty intimate and can be a sign they’re starting to fit you into their life.

**#6 They’ll Do Not Fun Things with You**

When you first begin dating someone, you’ll probably go on fun dates—whether that’s eating out, visiting new places, going on walks or hikes, partying, etc.

But as the novelty of the relationship wears down, you’ll start to do more normal, day-to-day things with them. That could include seeing each other after work and cooking dinner. Stopping by while they’re doing laundry just to say hi. Or it could be just doing simple, non-exciting things, like watching TV as opposed to making every date an adventure.

Of course, if you’ve never done date things with your partner—even at the beginning—this isn’t always a sign that things are getting serious. But for many people, it’s a sign that you’re moving out of the “new” stage and into the “getting comfy/serious” with someone stage. Essentially, they’re not with you because they’re having a crazy time each time, they’re spending time because they actually want to spend time with you—no matter what that means.

#7 When They Allude to Love

It can be tough to say “I love you”. And, even when it’s not tough, it may just be too early and you know you need to wait it out longer. But that doesn’t mean the person doesn’t have very intense feelings. Sometimes, instead of saying “I love you,” people will say other things that allude to the feeling or that they’ll be in love soon.

For example, when I’m starting to fall for someone, I’ll say something like “I really like you” or “I really like how this is going” or “I’m super happy about this.” People could also be more blunt, such as saying, “I’m falling for you.” While the love feeling may not be there yet, all of these phrases point to the fact that their emotions are getting serious.

#8 They Talk to You A Lot

Some people love texting. Some hate it. Some people love talking on the phone. I personally will avoid almost every call (come on, I’m a millennial). People’s preferences need to be taken into consideration when thinking about whether this sign applies to you. Also, some people’s jobs don’t allow them to sit and text all day, so that’s important too.

If you know the person you’re dating is a big texter and they text you once a day or every few days, it’s probably not serious and they’re not serious about you.

On the other hand, if your partner is making effort to talk to you in their free time and they’re as prompt as they can be in their responses, they’re doing it for a reason. They genuinely enjoy talking to you and they want to get to know you more—meaning it’s moving in the right direction.

#9 When They Leave Things at Your Home

You’ve probably seen this in the movies. A woman leaves a toothbrush or tampon box inside a man’s apartment and he freaks out because he sees it as a sign the woman is getting serious with him. While it isn’t true in every scenario (it could be just convenience), it’s usually one of the signs a casual relationship is getting serious. After all, if you’re leaving things at each other’s homes, it’s probably because you’re spending a lot of time there. And if you’re spending a lot of time there, it’s probably because it’s getting serious.

#10 You Have Deep Convos

Things are getting serious if you’re talking to them more about serious things and less about everyday topics. When you first meet someone, you’ll get to know their hobbies, their likes and dislikes and about generally about then. If things progress though, you’ll get into the deeper things, like:

Their fears
Their dreams
What they’re self-conscious about
Their past relationships
Their past traumas
Their opinions on tough issues

#11 You Have The Conversation

Look, sometimes we can’t tell whether someone is serious about us or not. Maybe we’re bad at reading signs a casual relationship is getting serious. Maybe we have low self-confidence and we can’t really believe someone would like us that much. Or maybe the person is shy and takes time to open up, so we can’t be sure.

In these cases, it’s best to be open and have the conversation. Although almost everyone dreads the “where is this going conversation,” it almost always gives you an answer. If you’re having trouble understand whether your dating partner is as serious as you, just ask. It’s hard to be vulnerable. And it’s hard to chance hearing something you probably don’t want to hear. But in any case, you’ll likely have your answer. Try opening the conversation with, “hey, I have to ask you, can you see us going anywhere long-term?” If you’ve just started dating, you don’t want to scare the person away by talking serious already. But if it’s been awhile and you’ve put in the time and effort to know them, you both deserve to know if you’re wasting your time.

Summary: Signs Casual Relationship Getting Serious

If you’re unsure whether the person you’re dating is starting to get serious about the relationship, consider the signs a casual relationship is getting serious. Picture yourself and whether these apply to you. Of course, even if we try to read other’s actions, we could be wrong. The only way to know for sure how someone is feeling is to ask them. Although these conversations can be vulnerable and awkward, they’re often necessary if you’re feeling unsure about the state of the relationship or where it’s headed.

How To Make Spiritual Cleansing Spray: DIY Crystal Essence

YoHumanz

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Crystal tinctures are fun and easy to make—even better to use!

They can be used as a rub, taken under the tongue or turned into a spray that you can mist all over your home.

You can also tailor them to your needs—choosing crystals and essential oils that align with your purpose.

All you need is a few crystals and some water to get started.

Ready?

We’ll show you how. Read on.

Please Note: Crystal sprays are fun to use for spiritual purposes but they are not a science-based treatment. They do not replace treatments of any kind. If you have health concerns, talk to your doctor or a relevant professional.

What is a Crystal Tincture?

A crystal ticture or essence is basically water infused with a crystal. This helps impacts the benefits a crystal has.

The vibration and energy of crystals can pass through water. And when you spray or use that water, it can then be dispersed into the air, environment or your body.

You can make gem essence with just one crystals or a set of them.

You can use crystal tincture as is as a tincture or rub, or you can turn it into a spray, such as a spiritual protection spray.

What you use your crystal tincture for is up to you. When you make your spray, you set its purpose based on two things:

The crystal you choose
Your intention

When you set your intention for an essence, you should aim to use a crystal that corresponds to that purpose. Your intention could be:

Energy protection
Balancing of physical body
Balance of mind or emotions
Spiritual or intuition enhancement

How to Choose a Crystal for Your Tincture

First, you need to set an intention for your spray. Then, pick at least one crystal that focuses on that area. For example, a calming spray would do well with amethyst, since it’s people know it for its anti-anxiety effects.

Decide whether you want to infuse one crystal, or a combination. Choosing a set of crystals could infuse different benefits into the spray. For example, you can add an orange stone to your amethyst spray to impart positivity and happiness into the calming effects.

Crystals to Use for Infusions

Crystals for energy protection: Hematite, Black Obsidian, Smokey Quartz, Lapis Lazuli and more
Crystals for health: Aventurine, Citrine, Bloodstone, Lapis Lazuli and Turquoise
Crystals for mental health: Rose Quartz, Amethyst, Black Tourmaline, Kyanite and Lapis Lazuli
Crystals for spiritual enhancement: Amethyst, Labradorite, Celestite, Kyanite and Blue Lace Agate

Make sure that your crystals are cleansed and charged before you use them.

You know also know whether your crystal can be placed in water. The makeup of some stones can be damaged by water and some are toxic. Examples are Malachite, Selenite, Bornite and Halite. If you’re not sure, using a tumbled stone can be a safe bet or alternatively, use the indirect infusion method below.

How to Make Crystal Tincture

You can use your crystal tincture as is or use it to make a spray (directions on that below). Make sure to choose crystals relevant to your purpose for the tincture or spray.

Materials

1 or more cleansed and charged crystals
Bowl(s)

Instructions: Direct Tincture

*Use this method only if the crystal you chose can be placed in water; not all crystals can be*

Place the crystal(s) in a bowl and fill with clean water
Set your intention for the tincture
Place the bowl in sunlight for 3-13 hours
Remove the crystal from the water

Instructions: Indirect Tincture

*Use this method if your crystal cannot be placed in water or if you’re unsure*

Place crystal in small bowl
Place small bowl inside of larger bowl
Pour clean water into the space between the bowls
Set your intention for the tincture
Place the bowl in sunlight for 3-13 hours
Remove the crystal from the water

How to Use Your Crystal Tincture

You can use your crystal essence in a variety of ways:

Make it into a spray (instructions below)
Placing it under your tongue (sublingually) and taking it as a tincture (crystal expert Judy Hall recommends taking a few drops three times a day). Make sure the crystal isn’t toxic for this.
Adding it to bathwater
Rubbing it into the area of a chakra

You can document your experience with your crystal essence sprays so you know how to improve them next time. For example, perhaps you find that adding one crystal is slightly more beneficial than another for a specific purpose. To do this, using a journal, record:

Date tincture was made
The crystals you used
The purpose of the tincture
The effects it imparted

How to Make Spiritual Cleansing Spray with Crystal Tincture: Chakra Cleansing Spray Recipe

You can use your crystal essence to make a spiritual cleansing spray or chakra cleansing spray recipe. To do that, make sure you use crystals for protection when you make your essence.

Materials:

Spray bottle
Crystal tincture (recipe above)
About 1 tbsp. Isopropyl alcohol or vodka
Essential oil
About 20-30 drops of essential oil (optional)

Instructions for Chakra Cleansing Spray Recipe:

In a spray bottle, add your vodka and essential oil. Then fill the rest with your crystal tincture.

Choose an essential oil relevant to your purpose for the spray. If you’re making a spiritual cleansing spray, use protection oils like Sage and Cedarwood. If you’re making a spray to balance emotions, you can try “happy” scents, like Orange and Grapefruit.

Alternatively, if you already used a protection crystal, you don’t need to add an essential oil to your spray for energy cleansing.

How to Use Your Spiritual Cleansing Spray

If you made a spiritual cleansing spray, you can spray it regularly to cleanse the energy of yourself and the environment around you. You can also spray it after someone negative leaves your home, or when you anticipate them arriving. In this way, it can be used as a chakra cleansing spray recipe.

The way that I do it is similar to the way I sage. I say a small prayer or intention phrase for cleansing in my head. I spritz the area of each room, making an X motion across doors and windows.

You can also spray around your body to cleanse your aura.

Summary on How to Make Spiritual Cleansing Spray

Many recipes for how to make spiritual cleansing sprays use essential oils. Although we recommend that too, it’s optional in our recipe, which focuses on crystals. First, make a gem essence using cleansing crystals and then turn it into a protection spray. You can also make crystal essence for other purposes, like spiritual awakening. Chakra cleansing spray recipes are often used to clear the energy of your own body or those around you.

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