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24 Signs You’re in Toxic Relationship That Won’t Change

By
YoHumanz
signs of a toxic relationship

There’s a lot of talk these days about toxic relationships.

It’s almost as if the word is thrown around to describe anyone you don’t like.

But does that mean they’re actually toxic?

Toxic relationships are ones that can destroy how you feel about yourself and your life. But since there’s a scale of severity, it can be hard to determine whether you’re one.

Here, we’ll describe the signs you may be in a toxic relationship.

 

24 Signs You’re in Toxic Relationship

signs of a toxic relationship

We should mention that having one of these signs doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in a toxic relationship. Nobody is perfect and everyone has things they could work on that would improve the quality of their relationships. However, if you can highly relate to several of these signs—or one or a few quite severely—you should consider whether you’re in a toxic relationship.

If you discover that you think you’re in one, they are difficult to fix in most cases. Many times, it’s best to leave the situation to heal yourself and to give your partner a chance to heal themselves without causing anyone more pain. If you’re in an abusive relationship, make a safety plan before leaving.

 

#1 You Argue All the Time

Arguments are normal in every relationship. However, if you’re disagreeing to the point of arguing all the time, that isn’t normal. It may be that you or your partner are getting upset at small and unnecessary things. But it can be a sign of a toxic relationship when you are arguing and raising your voice frequently instead of talking. In many cases, a disagreement can be solved or reduced with a conversation; there’s no need to get into a fight about it.

In toxic relationships, you may notice that you’re better than most at deescalating situations. But still, you partner seems to blow up small issues and they’re hard to contain.

 

#2 Moodiness

If your partner is always seems to flip moods, it can be a sign of a toxic relationship. It’s normal for people’s emotions to fluctuation throughout the day. However, if their mood is affecting the relationship, that’s not normal. For example, one moment your partner is happy. The next they’re upset about something in their life, and they’re distancing from you. In short, they’re taking it out on you. Or, their emotion could be changed by simple things you do. For example, bringing up a chore they forgot to do could have them threatening the relationship, when in reality, it should be a simple conversation.

 

#3 They’re Accusatory

If your partner keeps accusing you of things you’re not doing, it can be a sign they’re trying to control you. Toxic relationships often involve one partner constantly accusing the other of cheating. Even though you may not be doing anything abnormal, your partner is upset and you don’t understand why.

 

#4 They’re Jealous

A normal level of jealousy can be ok in a relationship. For example, the man at the drive through makes a comment about your partner. However, if your partner is constantly jealous or punishing you for their jealousy, that’s not normal. For example, if your partner gets mad every time a man talks to you. Or, if someone flirts with you, and they blame you for it as if you asked for it.

 

#5 They Threaten the Relationship

If every tough conversation you get into ends with your partner threatening the relationship, it’s likely you’re in a toxic relationship. For example, if there’s a simple issue or disagreement and your partner would rather end it then have an adult conversation, that’s not normal. You should be able to have calm conversation, even about tough things, with the person you’re with. Although things can get heated, it’s best to take a moment of silence or take a walk. If your partner repeatedly get up and storms out, take it as a sign they’re not prepared for a healthy relationship.

 

#6 They Say They Don’t Need to Change Anything

Changing yourself or amending your behaviors is difficult. But, in most relationships, it’s necessary. For most of us, we improve ourselves through the relationships we’re in. Maybe we learn to be more calm in the face of confrontation. Maybe we learn to hold back mean words when we’re angry. Maybe we learn to say things in a softer way. The bottom line is that even though we don’t want to change, we often change small communication habits to better align with our partner. And that’s usually a good thing. It makes us better human beings.

However, in some cases, our partners refuse to make small changes for us. For example, perhaps you want to be greeted when they come home. Or maybe you want more hugs. Or maybe you want your partner to talk instead of yell during conversations. Whatever the case, they insist they are fine as they are and they don’t need to change anything. Increasingly, you need to change your need for the basics, but they don’t need to improve their ability to provide them.

 

#7 Effort

At the beginning of the relationship, your partner may have been generous. But now, they almost provide no effort. It seems that although you’re still trying to do things to impress them or make them happy, they don’t care how you feel about them. They feel it’s enough to show up. When their energy doesn’t match yours, you may feel that they’re taking you for granted.

 

#8 It’s One-Sided

If you can relate to your relationship being one-sided, it can be a sign you’re in a toxic relationship. In healthy relationships, both people should make compromises and put in effort. If you feel like you’re doing all the work and the other person is just sort of dictating, that’s not normal.

 

#9 You Feel You’re on a Roller Coaster

For me, the #1 sign of a toxic relationship is the feeling of being on a roller coaster. The highs are so nice and happy. But the downs can be so deep and dark. But then you go up again and you almost forget about the lows. Eventually though, you have to step off the rollercoaster because it pushes you off or sucks you in for good.

 

#10 You’re Drained

After riding on a roller coaster so long, you start to feel drained. And with all the ups and downs you’ve been through, that’s completely normal. In healthy relationships, your energy levels are generally consistent because the relationship is stable. In unhealthy ones though, you may feel tired all the time and like you have no energy for a life outside of that person.

 

#11 There’s A Lot of Lying

Some small lies can be normal—for example, they told their mother they loved a centrepiece when really they thought it was completely hideous. However, in most cases, lying is not ok. Whether your partner lies about where they are, random stories, people in their lives, etc., that’s a major red flag.

 

#12 You’re Not Allowed Needs

Everyone has needs in a relationship and those are different for everyone. Perhaps you’re someone who needs to emotionally connect with your partner more often. Maybe you need to spend quality times on walks. Maybe you need to be physically close to them. You don’t need to have the same needs as your partner, but we should make efforts to honor them.

In a toxic relationship though, you notice that your needs slowly become less important. Although all their needs are met, yours aren’t. And when you bring up that you want something to change, they insist nothing needs changing and your needs are too grand. Even though you think your needs are normal relationship basics, you’re made to believe they aren’t.

 

#13 They Prove You’re More Wrong

In toxic relationships, a common tactic is to make the other person feel as though they’re more wrong, so any wrongdoings are cancelled out at best. For example, you may point out where your partner did wrong in an effort to correct their action. Instead of apologizing, your partner points out where you did wrong. What you did may have been a lot less severe, but your partner blows it up in an effort to make it look worse than their wrong deed. After they’re done exposing your wrong, they hope that you will sheepishly ignore their wrongdoing and maybe even apologizes yourself. In this way, they never have to be held accountable for their actions.

 

#14 They Don’t Hold Themselves Accountable

Look, nobody is perfect. There are times in every relationship where we need to hold ourselves accountable, even if we don’t want to be. However, if you’re with someone who never takes responsibility, it’s usually a red flag.

For example, perhaps your partner made a comment that hurt you. Instead of saying sorry and noting that so it won’t happen again, they either deny it or insist it’s never a big deal. Even in situations where most people would agree they did wrong, they are unable to hold themselves accountable and may even blame others.

 

#15 You Avoid Bringing Up Problems Because It’s Pointless

To tack off the last point, when your needs are continually not met, you start to complain about the same thing. Even though it may be simple to fix, your partner is unwilling to meet that basic need. After a while though, you stop complaining. You stop trying to fix the problem. You start to ignore it and try your best to accept it. You know that if you bring it up again, you’ll end up arguing, and there will be no real resolution anyway. It’s pointless.

 

#16 Their Bad Behavior is Embarrassing

You can control their bad behavior when you’re alone and there’s no one around. But when others are watching, you feel embarrassed to be around someone who acts that rude or mean. Because you don’t want to passively sit by, you may make excuses for their behavior.

 

#17 Abuse

Abuse is a sure-fire sign you’re in a toxic relationship. If you’re in an abusive relationship or situation, make a safety plan to leave. Physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse are never ok.

If you’d classify yourself as in a borderline-abusive relationship, it’s also time to leave.

#18 There’s No Resolution

Normally when you have a disagreement, you come to some sort of resolution with your partner. Even if you don’t agree, you can see where the compromises are and both people feel a little less resentful coming out of it. However, if it seems like you never reach this place and every disagreement just dangles there without solutions, you could be in a toxic relationship.

 

#19 They Hurt Your Self-Esteem

Some toxic relationships can make you feel worse about yourself. Your partner may pick apart even the littlest things about you and make you feel unworthy. Whether it’s the way you look, your hair, what you’re dressing like, your friends, your cooking, etc.

 

#20 They Refuse to Talk About Issues

When it comes to talking about issues, your partner has come to the point where they have just started to refuse. They won’t listen to you anymore and they refuse to comment anything about it. Because they don’t think there’s an issues, or think that you’re the issue, they genuinely see no point in talking to you.

 

#21 You’re Waiting for Change

If you’re in a toxic relationship, you can probably relate to the feeling of waiting for them to change. You’re just waiting for the day that they will magically turn off the parts of them that are bad. There’s so many good things about them if it weren’t for just that one or few things. But they never end up changing. And you just keep waiting. And waiting.

 

#22 The Future Looks Grim

When you think about the future with your partner, you should be happy and excited. If getting married is your goal, you should be confident they’d make a loving husband or wife. If your goal is having kids, you should be confident they’d be a caring father. If your goals have shifted, changed or you feel differently about them because you’re not sure your partner can take on the responsibility, you may be in a toxic relationship.

 

#23 You’re Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

In toxic relationships, things are often going wrong. Even if things are going right, you’ve trained yourself to expect a period of upheaval between the good times. When things are going well, you’re almost already shielding yourself from what’s going to drop next. In your stomach, you always feel like the other shoe is going to drop. And it usually does.

 

#24 Gaslighting

Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you by making you feel as if you’re the crazy one. For example, maybe your partner lied about something and you caught them red-handed. Instead of admitting the lie, they’ll insist that you made it up and that there’s something wrong with your head. Or that what you need out of a relationship is was too much, you’re asking for the world. Over time, you begin to believe that and think that you are, in fact, the crazy one.

 

Summary of Signs of Toxic Relationships

Being in a toxic relationship can make you feel as if you’re on a roller coaster. Although you know it’s not normal or healthy, it can be very difficult to let go of the person because there’s an emotional bond. It’s important to realize you’re allowed to miss someone yet know that leaving them is the right thing. Sometime the right thing to do really pulls at our heart strings. And often, we can still feel as though we love someone, even when they treat us badly.

Despite this, we know that we can’t change their actions. All we can do is change our ability to see them. If you’re in a toxic relationship, consider that although you may be sad, you’ll eventually be more emotionally stable without them.

signs of a toxic relationship

Ask A Human: The Q About The BF Who Goes Quiet After Conflict

By
YoHumanz
relationship advice column

🔎 Ask A Human…

is an Advice Column for Humans by One Human. We want to hear what you’re struggling with these days. Relationships? Breakups? Family? Friends? Jobs? Mental health? Anything.

Ask us Anonymously Here or by emailing [email protected]

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Dear Human,

I have been dating this guy for over 5 years now. Whenever we have a misunderstanding he goes quiet then he will come back again. This is a pattern that has been going for some time now. I like him but his behavior scares me and makes me question if this is the guy I want to end up with. We have talked about it over and over again.

 

Dear Human w/ The BF Who Goes Quiet After Conflict,

I’m sorry you’re going through these periods of silence when your boyfriend. It’s hard when we’re willing to communicate and get to the “bottom” of an issue and the other person refuses. No matter how calm or kind we talk, sometimes the people we’re with aren’t open to conversation.

The first thing I want you to know is that you needs are normal. When we get into misunderstandings, we should be able to talk with our partners. Although it’s okay to take space to decompress and come back to the situation later, going quiet isn’t healthy.

If he doesn’t think he needs to change, ask him to consider how a relationship like that will play out long term. Be vulnerable; tell him that you don’t feel secure in the relationship when that happens. If you don’t talk about issues, resentment will grow and he won’t like that outcome either. Be clear about what you need to change.

You can try laying out the boundaries with your partner. For example, let him know that it’s okay if he needs to take time away from you to regroup and talk later. This is especially important if he gets upset, overwhelmed and if it gets heated quickly. However, ask that he lets you know when he will return to talk about the issue. This should be a few minutes or a few hours, not “going quiet and coming back again” for a longer period of time. In essence, draw perimeters around his “silence space” about what’s okay and not okay. Try to communicate that speaking about issues is important, even though you both think it sucks.

But it sounds like you’ve talked about similar things plenty of times. It’s difficult to have people change their behavior unless they want to. In some cases, people don’t see the issue and therefore won’t change. We can try to point out where they’re wrong, but sometimes people will never agree.

I was dating a guy who refused to make simple changes in how he talked to me in some situations. These changes would take almost no time or effort. Yet, he would rather spend 10X time arguing about how he didn’t need to change anything.

“If everyone has a problem with him, that’s their problem,” he’d confidently pronounce, each time he was confronted with even a minor issue or misunderstanding. It was infuriating. But nothing I could do. But breakup and cry. A lot.

If you learn this is your situation—that your partner doesn’t think he needs to change—know that somewhere inside of you is the strength to walk away. It’s different if someone is actively taking steps to improve the communication. Effort and progress count a lot. But if you’re having the same conversation with similar results each time, how many more angles can you approach it from? As much as we wish that part of his personality could be transplanted, it can’t be.

Especially that you’ve been together for 5 years, you should be able to expect your partner to try to resolve issues. You should feel safe and secure with him—knowing that he will communicate, even when it’s uncomfortable and unpleasant. You should feel confident that a long future is a possibility.

But you don’t. And you deserve to feel that way. And you will eventually. But maybe not with him.

Sincerely,

A Human ❤️

 

11 Fun Manifestation Writing Exercises to Attract ASAP

By
YoHumanz
Manifestation Writing Exercises

Sticking to the law of attraction can be tough.

One way we can get better at it is by practicing.

You’ve probably done different manifestation activities before to determine what you want in your life. For example, we’ve bet you’ve set a few intentions.

Once you’re clear on what you want through, where do you go from there?

You can make a vision board and stare at it forever. But will that really make your dreams come true?

The law of attraction works more by psychology than magic, and as such, doing a few exercises can help prime your brain to realize opportunities.

The manifestation writing exercises in this post can be easily done daily in your journal or even in your phone’s notes app.

Ready to get manifesting? Read on to discover the activities.

 

11 Manifestation Writing Exercises

Manifestation Writing Exercises

Using manifestation exercises can help you nail down what you want. But more than that, it can help you reconnect to the feeling of what it would be like to actually have it. If you believe that like attracts like, feeling good should attract more feeling good. So, in each of these exercises, make sure to pay special attention to how you feel. These manifestation writing exercises include:

  1. How to Script LOA
  2. Morning Script
  3. Year Script
  4. Your Perfect Year Script
  5. Ideal Job Description
  6. Future Wedding Vows
  7. Future Perfect Home Real Estate Listing
  8. Vacation Journal
  9. Life Wish List
  10. Success List
  11. Write Intention Lines
  12. Write a Letter To…

We list the instructions and ideas for each exercise below.

 

#1 How to Script LOA

Scripting is a common law of attraction technique that is said to help you manifest your desires. To put it simply, scripting is writing a detailed script about what you want your future life to look like.

Think about what you what your life to look like:

  • What job do you have? Describe it. How much money do you make? How do you feel while working?
  • How do you spend your money?
  • Do you have a soulmate? What do they look like? How to they treat you?
  • What does your day-to-day look like?
  • What fun activities do you do?
  • How do you give back to the world? How do you create change?
  • How do you feel about yourself? What positive things have changed about you?
  • How’s your health? Your mental health?
  • What do you do in your spare time?

There’s a few “rules” to writing this script:

  • Write it in present tense (ex. “I am a six figure leader” NOT “I will be”)
  • Write in positive phrases (ex. “I have tons of energy” NOT “I am no longer tired all the time)
  • Be as detailed as you can
  • Focus on the FEELING of what you’re describing
  • If you’re not excited about it, don’t include it

 

#2 Morning Script

When you wake up and before you get out of bed, take the journal and pen off your nightside table and devote 5 or 10 minutes to the exercise.

Pretend that you’re in your future body. Pretend that you woke up and you’re living your future life. What does the day you have ahead look like? Describe it in detail. Don’t forget to add how you feel. Here’s some ideas:

  • Do you work? What’s your job?
  • How do you feel about your job?
  • What do you do after work?
  • Do you have work freedom?
  • Do you come home to your soulmate or family?
  • What type of home do you come home to? Where do you live?
  • How will you add to the world today?
  • What are you grateful for in the day ahead?
  • What are you excited about in the day ahead?

 

#3 Script Your Perfect Year

Similar to the exercise above, only from a birds-eye view. Imagine that you’ve just finished the perfect year in your future. What does that look like? What have you accomplished? How have you spent your time? What are you excited about? How have all the developments this year made you feel.

Spend 10 to 15 minutes detailing your future year.

 

#4 Write Your Ideal Job Description

One-third of your life is spent at work. That’s a lot. So it should go without saying that your job affects the quality of your life. Because of that, even if you don’t mind your job, you might have ideas of better opportunities in the future.

Maybe you want to switch fields. Maybe you want a promotion. Maybe you need a change-up at a different company. Or perhaps you’re starting your own side business. Or just want to grow the one you already have. Even if you don’t know what you want to do, you probably know how you want to feel during and at the end of each workday.

Write yourself a job description of what you want. Include the traditional details:

  • Hours you work
  • Days you work
  • Your hourly rate or salary
  • Things you accomplish each day
  • Tasks required of you
  • Who you report to
  • Where you work from
  • “Soft skills” you use in your job
  • The impact your work has
  • Vacation time
  • Benefits

But also include untraditional details like:

  • How you feel after work
  • How you feel during work
  • The amount of freedom your job gives you
  • How close your job is to home

 

#5 Write Your Future Wedding Vows

What? How can you write your wedding vows if you haven’t even met your soulmate yet? Well, you probably already know the type of person you want to meet and how you want to feel in the relationship. Believe it or not, that’s all you need to write your vows. Not only can this manifestation writing exercise help you manifest your partner, but it can also serve as a checklist for when you’re dating. If you met someone, you’ll know they’re not a fit if they can’t live up to your pre-written vows.

Take 15 minutes and aim to write a few paragraphs worth of vows. Include:

  • Your promises to your partner
  • What you love about your partner
  • How they treat you
  • How you treat them
  • How they make you feel
  • The best parts about them
  • The best parts about the relationship

To get some ideas on what to write, read these wedding vow examples. You can also read The Knot’s instructions on how to write wedding vows. But remember, these probably won’t look exactly like traditional wedding vows. You want to insert less specifics (ex. “that time we went sailing”) and more feelings (ex. “I love the way you make me feel when…”).

 

#6 Write the Real Estate Listing to Your Home

If you want a new home—whether you can afford it or not—one of the good manifestation writing exercises to try is developing a future real estate listing.

Include all the details a regular listing would:

  • Where it’s located
  • How many rooms
  • Beds?
  • Baths?
  • Design style
  • Pools? Movie theatres?
  • Garages?
  • Big backyard?
  • Balcony?
  • Pent house?
  • Landscaped?
  • Size?
  • Big kitchen? Walk-in closet?

Include untraditional things too:

  • What is the home perfect for (ex. raising a family, hosting dinner parties, having cozy nights with your partner)?
  • What vibe does the home have (warm, friendly, cozy, etc.)?
  • Easily affordable for your income?
  • How do you feel in the home?

Bonus points if you can attach pictures to it!

 

#7 Vacation Journal Manifestation Writing Exercise

Many of us want to go on vacation but can never seem to find the money for it. Or maybe time is the issue. Either way, there’s manifestation writing exercises you can try. In this one, pretend you’re waking up on vacation. You’re writing from your hotel room, from a beach or maybe even a plane. Take 10 minutes and write up a journal entry about how it’s going.

  • Where are you?
  • Where are you going?
  • Where have you been?
  • What activities do you do there?
  • Is anyone with you?
  • How do you feel on vacation?
  • What are you learning?
  • What’s your favorite thing about the vacation?
  • What type of freedom allows you to take the vacation (financial, time, etc.)?

 

#8 Create a Life Wish List

If you’re just starting out with the law of attraction and are looking for general manifestation writing exercises, this is a good one to begin with. Since it doesn’t focus on one specific area, it can help you determine what you want in general.

Just like how you have a wish list for products in a store, do the same with your life. Nothing is off the table. Simply write “What do I want in life?” at the top of the page. Then, start jotting down points about what you want. This could include:

  • Career
  • Financial
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Relationships
  • Pets
  • Children
  • Homes
  • Health
  • Mental health
  • Vacations
  • Freedoms
  • Feelings
  • Experiences
  • Hobbies
  • Activities
  • Life milestones
  • Physical items (although remember, there’s more to life than buying the latest sports car or designer purse)

 

#9 Success List

Of all the manifestation writing exercises on this list, this one is a little different. Instead of theorizing what you want, we’re going to focus on what’s already went well. Why? Because the law of attraction states that like usually attracts like. So if you’re feeling good and grateful, you’re likely to draw more good and grateful into your life.

Spend some time writing down all your successes over your life. Don’t stop until you reach 50. After the first few big ones, you’ll probably struggle to find more. That’s when you can write down the smaller successes. Maybe graduating high school, giving that speech, going past your comfort zone that time, challenging your fear about something another time.

 

#10 Write Intensions like Writing Lines

Do you remember when you were younger and anyone that had detention had to sit and write lines? They’d have to write the same phrase over and over.

Similarly, do the same with your intentions. Only since you’re not in trouble, it’s more fun! Take the intention you’ve formed and write each down 20 times in a row. As your hand gets lost in the movement, try to feel the feelings of life as if you’ve already accomplished that intention.

 

#11 Write a Letter To…

Write a letter to someone who could be a part of your manifestation goals. For example, if you’re trying to manifest a soulmate, write a letter to your future partner. Detail how much you love them and how good they make you feel. What experiences have you had together? What’s the best thing about it?

If you’re wanting a new job, write a letter to your boss telling her how happy you are to have the position. What do you do each day? How do you feel? How’s the work-life balance? What’s your impact on the world?

If you want to get out of debt, write a letter to a friend describing how you just paid off the last cent of your debt. How does the new financial freedom feel?

 

Summary of Manifestation Writing Exercises

Manifestation Writing Exercises

If you’re trying to change your life using the law of attraction, one of the tools you can use to make that happen are manifestation writing exercises. You can do these on a sheet of paper, your diary or a journal dedicated to just these activities. We’ve suggested ideas from how to script LOA to writing your future vows and ideal real estate listing. Use the suggestions on this list to dream up the best life for you!

Hope for the Broken Hearted: 14 Insights to Feel Ok Again

By
YoHumanz

Sometimes it feels like you have nothing.

Everything is going wrong.

You feel the worst you’ve ever felt.

You split from the main person in your life.

You might feel empty, lost, broken.

Like you just want to cry all the time.

Like there’s no light anywhere anymore.

But there is. There is always hope for the broken hearted.

When we’re going through something really tough, it can be hard to see where the hope lies. So I’m going to point it out for you in this post 🙂

 

Hope for the Broken Hearted: 14 Tips

Nothing we say here is going to make the pain better. But these small tidbits of hope for the broken hearted can provide comfort and make you feel less alone. It will get better.

 

#1 Cry All the Tears

Crying isn’t the most inspirational message for hope for the broken-hearted. But you can’t have real hope if you’re busy shoving down how you feel. Instead, the sense of positivity you get will be artificial and fade to eventually reveal your real pain. Choose to deal with it now instead of down the road.

Give yourself time to cry, scream, get angry, cry again, and grieve in whatever ways you need to.

Some people are afraid to feel the depths of their darkness because they’re afraid they’ll get stuck there. While we’re not saying to wallow, we are suggesting to spend time in your feelings. When we’ve seen the darkness, the light and hope becomes that much more real, genuine and meaningful.

 

#2 You Have Better Opportunities Now

The best part about breaking up is that you now have opportunities to meet someone new. If you loved the person you were with, you disagree. This isn’t a good thing at all, you may think.

However, if it didn’t work out with the person, they likely aren’t right for you. Even though they may have had plenty of good things about them, it may not have been the right recipe you need to spend the rest of your life with. In other words, you can still do a lot better, even if you really liked your ex. And now that you’re not with them, you have opportunities to meet someone more geared toward you.

The thought may sting a little now. But take a few moments to envision yourself with someone who has all of the main qualities you’re looking for. Someone who you feel stable and safe and loving with. Doesn’t that feel a whole lot better? That’s available to you now.

 

#3 You Learned More to Share with Next Partner

Many people think that they wasted so much time with their ex. And that could be true. But there may be a few gems in that waste. And those gems can make your future relationships better.

Even if we were with someone who taught us nothing, we likely still learned something. For example, even in relationships where I was treated badly, I can still recognize where I could have treated the other person better. That doesn’t mean my actions justify theirs. And it doesn’t mean I should run back and give them everything. But it does mean I learned how to treat someone better, and I can take that into future relationships to benefit the right person.

Seeing your failed relationships as school-like stepping stones to the right path can give you hope for the broken-hearted.

 

#4 Time is a Main Ingredient

While we can do everything to gain hope and feel better, time plays a major role. It will never make everything go away, but how you feel will likely become less intense overtime. So, while you’re busy trying to keep busy and feeling your feelings, remember that the time factor is also working to your benefit.

You can’t speed it up. But when everything else isn’t working, time can give you hope that the heartache will lessen.

 

#5 It Will Pass

Some parts of life really suck. Even if you’ve never been through a breakup like this before, you can probably recall a time in your life that you wish would end. It felt like it would never end. It felt like the worst. But eventually, it did end. Or, at least became less intense.

In the same way, there’s an eb and flow to life. Some parts you’ll feel like you’re standing on a mountain and other’s your feel buried underneath it. If you’ve ever stuck under for too long, you should consider options for professional help. But for many people, they follow the natural flow and soon enough, they’re on the upswing again.

So when things are going particularly rough, remember that like everything else, this will pass too.

 

#6 Imagine if Everything Happened for a Reason

You know the saying, you’ve heard it a million times: “Everything happens for a reason.” Sometimes, it can be hard to believe if you’re going through something tough. If you’re going through something traumatic, the phrase can be downright cruel. It can make you want to throw a book at the wall or frankly, punch someone.

We’re not going to tell you that everything happens for a reason, because that’s yours to decide. However, if we may suggest, simply contemplate, what if everything did happen for a reason?

What if you this relationship ended so you could find a new person—someone who was much better for you. What if you remained with this person and became miserable. What if your future partner is way more of what you need? What if the pain now is actually saving you so much time and bringing you closer to the right person?

Contemplating that the universe is conspiring for instead of against you is a warming thought. Even if you don’t completely believe it, it can help instill a little more hope to make the pain a little more meaningful.

 

#7 Go Easy On Yourself

It can be hard to have hope if you’re lacking self-compassion. You may be wondering why you’re not over it yet, why it hurts so bad, why your friend’s breakup seemed easier, why you’re such a mess, etc. etc.

While it’s true some people are more sensitive than others—and some breakups are more painful than others—you should realize everyone is different. And that’s okay. If you need more time to mourn the end of a relationship, that’s what you need, so take it. Give yourself the space you need. After you’ve extended some kindness toward yourself, it’s easier to have hope through heartbreak.

 

#8 Gain Hope Through Acts of Kindness

Acts of kindness are a great way to lift your spirit. It’s hard not to feel a sense of hope when you’re doing something for someone else. Even if the act doesn’t make your situation better, you know that it’s slightly making someone else’s situation better. And that proves hope exists. And is worth having.

Brainstorm a list of acts of kindness you can do. Whether it’s leaving positive notes around town, randomly leaving around gift cards or donating money, there’s always quick ideas you can try.

 

#9 Turn Pain Into Art

We shouldn’t glorify pain because those that are in the thick of it know that it’s nothing to rave about. But we can realize that many beautiful things come from pain. If you think about some of your favorite singers, bands, writers, and artists—many of their creations were made through pain or heartbreak.

Talking our pain and transforming it into something else can give us hope for the future because we’re breathing life into it. Whether you want to create to show people or just to keep it to yourself, consider which ways you can transform your heartbreak into art:

  • Write a poem about it
  • Write a journal entry telling your breakup story
  • Make an abstract painting of your emotions
  • Write a song about it, either lyrically or on an instrument
  • Write a play or TV about your breakup
  • Create memes about your breakup or heartbreak

 

#10 Personal Growth From Breakups

When we’re in the thick of it and struggling through heartbreak, we don’t want to hear about the positive of how much we’re growing. We just want the pain to end. While you don’t need to realize it now, it can give you hope for the broken hearted to see that growth can come of it.

In fact, research shows this.

One study found that after breaking up, couples could identify 5 areas where they grew:

  • Self-confidence
  • Emotionally better off
  • Relationship wisdom
  • Stronger friendships post breakup
  • Independence

If you’re in the right mental space, consider which areas you’ve grown in. If you’re not there yet, try to take solace in the fact that, even if you don’t see it, there’s probably a least a tiny, tiny piece of good coming from this.

 

#11 Honor Your Capacity to Love

When we feel broken hearted, it’s easy to beat ourselves up for it. Why did we fall so hard? Why did we love so much? Why did we waste all of our effort, kindness and compassion?

Think about it. When we do that, we’re picking on ourselves for giving love. Nobody should ever pick on someone for that! Giving love is a beautiful thing. Even if you gave it to the wrong person, realize that, but also realize your huge capacity to love. That’s a special quality that will go a long way in a healthy relationship.

After all, if you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right person.

 

#12 Hope for the Broken Hearted Through Spirituality

In hard times, many people turn to religion and spirituality. The most common example is Alcoholics Anonymous where “addicts” exchange their addiction for a love of Christ. While AA doesn’t work for everyone, it works for some because it makes them see life outside of their own.

Even if you don’t consider yourself religious, consider if there’s any spiritual beliefs or practices that you can lean on through the tough times. For example, some people:

  • Gain hope by going to church
  • Don’t do anything but hold the belief that “everything happens for a reason”
  • Do meditations to make contact with spirit guides and angels
  • Get into manifestation in hopes of improve their life
  • Connect with the spirit of nature and see the wider perspective outside their reality
  • Learn tarot cards to discover human patterns and archetypes

Each of these examples are good ideas for hope for the broken hearted.

 

#13 “The One” Doesn’t Exist

Wait, this is supposed to be about hope for the broken hearted. How does knowing “the one” doesn’t exist help?

Many of us put too much pressure on ourselves, scouring the world to find the one perfect person for us. The one person who God put on this Earth just for us. Then we wonder if we already met that person and screwed it up and now our chances are over forever. We ruined it.

But that’s not really true. It’s a somewhat romantic, somewhat possessive idea that you’re put on this Earth for one specific person. It’s also unrealistic. The truth is that there’s many people on this earth that will with your personality type. Like, come on, everyone is super special, but there’s 7.5 billion people—you have options! If you screwed up a relationship with someone who was genuinely good for you, learn the lessons but don’t give up. There’s still plenty of others who will fit you well.

 

#14 You Aren’t For Everyone

I just talked about how there’s 7.5 billion people, so you have plenty of options for “the one.” But at the same time, not everyone will fit you. Mayne the relationship you just got out of is a good example. In fact, it probably is, because if it was right for you, you’d probably still be in it.

When we think of going out and dating again, it can be a bit scary because dating involves vulnerability. Do they like us? If not, what’s wrong with us? Can we change it? Should we?

The possibility of rejection can dampen your hope when it comes to meeting someone new. But consider this: You are not for everyone. And everyone is not for you.

You are a very specific type of person. And you deserve someone who can see all those parts, knows how to love them and knows how to handle your challenges. You deserve someone who just… fits.  For that, you also need to meet a very specific type of person. That can take some time to find. It could take more heartbreaks. You may feel like this again. Or you may not.

It’s like if you’re putting sand through a sifter at the beach. Many tiny rocks will weed themselves out and fall through. Some rocks still stay around for a bit longer and you’ll need to shake them through when you realize they’re too small to keep. But some will stay and you’ll polish them and they’ll become even more beautiful.

If you’re trying to find the very specific person who fits, it can feel like a lonely journey sifting through people.

But the good news is… that it’s always still out there if you want it.

 

Hope for the Broken Hearted: Summary

Having hope through heartbreak can be tough. A part of your life is ending and probably a part of your identify too. You may have to learn new ways of going about your day and find ways to soothe yourself. While we can’t say how long this will last or promise it will never happen again, we can say there’s plenty sources (and evidence for) hope.

How to Recharge Crystals: 6 Basic Ways to Try Now

By
YoHumanz
How to Recharge Crystals

Collecting and using crystals is fun what how do you recharge them?

After a while, crystals start to take on the energies around them. For them to “operate” at their full potential, they need to be cleansed.

And after cleansing, some people recharge them. But what does that mean? How is that different than cleansing? Are the same methods used for both? That seems like a lot of work to cleanse and recharge each and every crystal you own.

When it comes to stones, there can be quite a bit of confusion around what to do with them between using then.

Here, we talk about the difference between cleansing and recharging crystals. Then, we’ll outline how to recharge crystals in 6 ways.

Charging Vs. Cleansing Crystals: Crystal Charging 101

When it comes to cleansing and recharging crystals, are they the same?

Some people believe you need to cleanse your crystals, but not charge them. This group believes that crystals are already “programmed,” so once cleaned, you don’t need to charge them at all. Here, the term “cleansing” and “charging” might be used interchangeably to mean the same thing.

Other people believe that cleansing and charging crystals are completely different. This group believes you need to both clean and charge your crystals.

So who’s right? You. Do what works for you.

In this article, we are sharing how to both cleanse and charge your crystals. Charging them is optional, depending on what you believe. But cleansing crystals is critical for everyone.

Cleansing a Crystal

  • Remove energy from crystal
  • Goal is to end with a pure energy, similar to a shower
  • Everyone agrees crystals should be cleansed

Charging a Crystal

  • Some belive it restores energy after depletion
  • Goal is to recharge it, similar to a battery
  • Not everyone belives crystals need to be “charged”

To put it simply, when you use a crystal, it absorbs your energy. To rid it of these energies, we need to cleanse it. After cleansing it, the crystal will be free from our energies. Some people think cleansing also recharges the crystal. Other people have a separate process for charging the crystal after cleansing.

Why Some People “Charge” Crystals

Most people know why it’s necessary to cleanse their stones: because they want to clean them! But many are confused why you’d want to recharge them.

Here’s the arguments some people make for charging crystals after cleansing them:

  • More Powerful Use. If you’re wondering why you’d charge a crystal, start to think about it as having a spirit. The spirit absorbs energies around it, making its own energies clouded. So, when you’re using the crystal, the idea is that it works better when its energy is clearer. To do this, recharging your crystal is necessary.
  • Attune to Crystal Energy. Every crystal is said to have its own energies. For example, a tiger’s eye will have a difference healing energy than a rose quartz. By recharging crystals, we encourage their natural qualities to come out instead of being clouded by other energies.
  • Attune with Intent. Some people use the term “programming” crystals as they charge them. This means that they are asking a stone to do a specific job. They are using their intention to “program” their crystal with a certain purpose.

Again, other people belive all these benefits are imparted during the cleansing process anyway, so there’s no need to charge them.

Before Recharging a Crystal…

If you’re wondering how to recharge crystals, you should know that it’s also important to set an intention beforehand. For example, let’s say you’re laying your crystals in sunlight to recharge them. After you set them on the windowsill, set an intention or say a small prayer. This could be something as simple as “Sending recharging light with the intention of inspiring my highest good” or “with the intention of restoring natural energies.”

If you have a particular reason for recharging it (aka “programming” your crystal), you can set an intention for that too.

Some people argue that there’s no reason to “program” your crystal because crystals already have different meanings. So, if they already have a purpose, why would you need to “program” them?

Although there’s different schools of thought around “programming” crystals with intention, do what works for you.

How To Recharge Crystals: 6 Ways

How to Recharge Crystals

There are a variety of ways of how to recharge crystals. Before jumping into them, know that this is not necessarily the same as cleansing them. If you decide to charge your crystals, you need to cleanse them first. The exception to this is if the method you’re using does both cleansing and recharging.

We should note that there’s no one “rulebook” for cleansing and recharging crystals. Some people will say there is no difference. Some people will claim different methods do and don’t charge them. That’s ok. The main thing is to do what feels right for you. Follow your intuition and keep your intention at the forefront.

#1 Sunlight

*This method can cleanse and recharge crystals*

Sunlight can both cleanse and recharge your crystals, making it a one-stop-shop for crystal care. Place your crystals in a dish and set it in direct sunlight for a few hours.

#2 Water

*This method can cleanse and recharge crystals*

Water can cleanse and recharge crystals in one practice, making it a go-to option for many. Remember that if want to both charge and cleanse, you need to hold both intentions in your mind. Have all your crystals ready in a dish beside the sink. You can take one by one, or you can try a few at a time. Run the crystals under water and let them dry on a towel. After all the stones are done, dry the crystals and return them.

*Keep in mind that not all crystals should be run under water*

#3 Charging Crystals in Moonlight

Many people set their crystals out in a dish on the windowsill or outside in the moonlight to recharge their crystals. Charging crystals in moonlight is a good idea if it’s a full moon and if you’re particularly drawn to lunar energies. Some people cleanse their stones on a full moon but recharge them in sunlight when they believe there’s more “energy.” Do what feels right for you and focus on your intention.

#4 Sound

This is a good option if you have a singing bowl, chimes or something that makes a high-frequency sound. Place your crystals in a dish in front or beside you. Then emit the sound around it, keeping the intention or recharging the crystal in your mind.

#5 Reiki Energy

If you practice reiki, it’s possible to recharge crystals using your healing energy. Place the crystals on a table in front of you. Then hover your hand on top of them, sending charging reiki energy into them. Hold the intention in your mind during the process.

#6 Meditation

Some people also use meditation to recharge their crystals. When you reach a certain state during meditation, it’s possible to use your own energy of intention to charge the crystal. To do this, keep your intention for the crystal as your focus. Another option is to do a visual mediation where you envision healing light surrounding your crystals and recharging them.

 

Summary on How to Recharge Crystals

The first step is to understand that cleansing and recharging crystals can be the same thing, or different things, depending on what you believe. Some people think cleansing crystals already charges them. Other people believe you need to charge crystals after you cleanse them. How you work with crystals is up to you and your own beliefs.

If you choose to also charge crystals, we’ve provided some ways above. Some methods, like water sunlight, can both cleanse and recharge a stone. You can try different methods and pick your favorite, or you can choose different ways each time; do what feels right for you!

How to Recharge Crystals

How To Deal With Loneliness After a Breakup: 19 Cures To Try

By
YoHumanz
How to deal with loneliness after a breakup

What’s the worst part about breakups?

The drama?

Giving their stuff back?

We’re betting it’s probably the feeling of loneliness.

After you’ve gotten so used to doing almost everything with your partner, it can be difficult to adjust to.

Whether you saw them every day after work or school or just on weekends, the gap you have to fill is now nothing but… nothing. It feels bad and lonely and like everyone is going about their life, except for you.

Luckily, there’s a few things you can do to shake the loneliness feeling. While different things work for everyone and you need to heal before you completely get rid of it, there’s hope.

In this post, we’re sharing how to deal with loneliness after a breakup in 19 tips.

 

How To Deal With Loneliness After a Breakup

How to deal with loneliness after a breakup

Coping with loneliness after a breakup can be tough. It probably feels like the only person who can cure it is the one who you’ve just split from. I’ve been there many times. It feels like your whole world has crashed in, even if it’s just one person. You don’t really want to see anyone, but still feel a deep sense of loneliness and dread. You compare yourself to other, happy couples who made it work. Which makes you feel even lonelier.

It’s ok though. There’s some things you can try to feel less lonely as you heal.

 

#1 Reframe Loneliness

When we break up with someone, especially if we’ve been with them a long time, the change of being alone can be startling. While we can compare ourselves to successful couples, it’s worth looking at the upsides to being single. Even if you’re an extrovert, having some ‘me time’ can be a great way to recharge yourself and evaluate your priorities. Having one less major person to hang out with means more time to do something you really enjoy—whether that’s baking, crafting, working out, working on a side business, etc.

Instead of seeing yourself as lacking because off the loss, try to see it as an opportunity to grow, try new things and enjoy your favorite hobbies.

 

#2 Reevaluate Beliefs About Loneliness

Before we get into the concrete actions on how to deal with loneliness after a breakup, we have one more psychological tip: consider your beliefs about your loneliness.

Many times when we feel alone after a breakup, it’s not just about missing being around people. There’s typically an element of shame:

  • Why did they breakup with me?
  • Why did I choose someone I had to break up with?
  • Why is everyone else in successful relationships but me?
  • Why am I home alone while everyone else is out on date night?
  • I’m not with anyone on the weekend; I’m such a loser

Realize your negative beliefs about yourself. Are you interpreting the situation as if there’s something wrong with you for being alone?

The truth is being alone can be a good thing. Learning how to be with yourself is an important skill and should be nothing to be ashamed of. Even if you’re an extrovert, most of us go through breakups and periods of feeling isolated. It’s normal. It’s okay.

 

#3 Reconnect with Friends

Many times when we get into relationships, we get busy and spend less time with our friends. After a breakup is a great time to lean on your friends and rebuild those bonds.

 

#4 Bond with Pets

Pets are a great cure for loneliness because they don’t judge what you’re going through and will be by your side the entire time. Carve out some extra time to play with your pet and cuddle.

 

#5 Consider Getting a Pet

If you don’t have a pet, consider if now is the right time to get one. Of course, you should never get a pet just for the sake of curing loneliness. You need to be able to ensure you have the time and resources to give them a great, loving life. If you’re in the position to do so, the extra time you have on your hands could be useful for puppy training. And this kind of puppy love never goes away 🙂

 

#6 Try Friend-Making Apps

Spending more time with friends is a good idea, but what if you don’t have any? Sometimes when we’re in relationships, we pour most of our time into our partners and work that we have little time for others. As a result, those friendships deteriorate and aren’t there when we need them most.

You can meet people the old-fashioned way, but you may agree with me that that’s becoming increasingly harder. Instead, you may want to try some apps:

  • Bumble BFF
  • Friender
  • Hey! Vina
  • Local Facebook groups with people looking to hang out

 

#7 Window-Shop Dating

Many people who get lonely after a breakup just jump into another one. This is called “serial dating,” and it’s not recommended. Why? Because if we don’t deal with our real issues, masking them only pushes the solution further down the line.

With that being said, I think there’s a middle ground. If you’ve just split with someone and you’re wondering how to deal with loneliness after a breakup, don’t go searching for the one just yet. But when you’re ready, it’s okay to “window shop.” By “window shop dating” I mean that you download the dating app and creep people, but don’t bother to chat. Some apps even let you “hide” your profile but you can still see others.

What’s the point? Well, you get excited about your future knowing there’s so many (probably better) guys out there. You become a little less lonely knowing that when you’re ready, the world is waiting for you.

 

#8 Listen to Audiobooks and Podcasts

As someone who lives alone and who is generally by myself, I can vouch for podcasts and audiobooks as being my ‘friends.’ Sure, it’s a one-sided relationship in which I just listen, but I’m really okay with that.

Having on background noise can create the illusion that you’re less alone. While a TV show could work, audiobooks and podcasts can be listened to while you’re doing other things. And you can develop an attachment to hosts, giving you something new to look forward to each week.

 

#9 Accept Invitations

Most of us don’t want to go anywhere or do anything after we’ve broken up with someone. It feels like the whole world stopped, or at least it has for us. This can make it harder to join people at events or activities. Saying “no” becomes a lot easier than saying “yes.”

However, accepting those invitations can get your out of your loneliness zone—even for a couple hours.

 

#10 Count the Benefits

Make a list to the benefits of not being with your ex. It may be hard to get started at first, but we think you’ll have a huge list once you get the ball rolling. Don’t know where to start? Read 22 Bright Sides to Breaking Up.

 

#11 Join In-Person Groups

Another way to feel less lonely is to surround yourself with a group of people who care the same interests. Many times, if you meet every week, it’s easier to extend those friendships outside of just the meetup. If you don’t know what to join, think about your interests. Search for classes in your area on Google and Meetup.com. Ideas could include:

  • Art classes
  • Cooking classes
  • Mom groups
  • Local meetup groups
  • Singles groups
  • Spiritual or religious groups
  • Meditation groups

 

#12 Practice Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness is the practice of being in the present moment. It could involve practices like naming all the colors around you or sitting down for a breathing meditation. While this doesn’t sound fun, it’s a research-backed idea for how to deal with loneliness after a breakup. A 2019 study found that mindfulness training reduces loneliness and increases social contact.

 

#13 People Watch

Sometimes we can’t bring ourselves to hang out with other people just yet, but we’re still super lonely. A good middle ground is going out by yourself in public. People watching can make you feel like you’re still apart of the large world, even if you’re a little sad right now. Sit on a park bench, take your laptop to a coffee shop, go eat a meal in a restaurant alone. Observe other people, eavesdrop, hear the noises of not being alone.

 

#14 Join Facebook Groups

If you live in a smaller town, it may be more difficult to meet people to feel less lonely. However, online friends can help fill that gap a bit. Consider joining local Facebook groups and meeting people that way. Another option is to join Facebook groups of your interest—dogs, fashion, parenting, music, writing, exercising, etc. There’s groups for just about everything. Making posts and commenting on other’s is a great way to build bonds.

 

#15 Express Yourself in How to Deal with Loneliness After a Breakup

Creativity can be a great way to release your emotions of loneliness—I mean “art therapy” exists for a reason. Even if you’re not a crafty or artistic person, there’s plenty of ways to be creative. Some examples include:

  • Wood working
  • Bead loom
  • Beading
  • Making bookmarks
  • Baking
  • Cooking
  • Painting abstract
  • Follow YouTube painting tutorials
  • Redecorating
  • Model cars or trains

 

#16 Find Your Spirituality

When many people go through life changes, it requires them to leave a group of people behind, for example, quitting drugs. To compete with that loneliness, many often turn to religion or spirituality (ex. Born Again Christians). While I’m not telling you that dusting off your bible will be your answer on how to cure loneliness after a breakup, there’s a chance it could be. I’m not a religious person, but I do tend to get more spiritual when the going gets tough. For me, it’s more of a new age spirituality. But for you it could be:

  • Major religions
  • Buddhism
  • Witchcraft or Wicca
  • Shamanism
  • Spiritual practices—meditation, tarot cards, reading
  • Astrology

All of these have the ability to make us see life around us, which in turn, makes us feel less alone.

 

#17 Plan Social Activities

It may sound simple, but having a calendar of social activities you can look forward to will help. It’s easy to read this list and think, “ok, I should do that” and then not do any of it. Reading these tips is only useful if you put them into action.

So, right now, pick a few social things that you want to do and plan them out. Ask people to go for a walk or coffee and pencil it into your calendar. Book that class. Plan anything social you can be excited about.

 

#18 Try Journaling

Sometimes we feel lonely because we have nobody to talk to about all our emotions. Or maybe we do, but we’ve already talked their ear off and we don’t want to annoy them with anymore. In this case, journaling could be a good solution. Open a page and write what’s on the top of your head. If not, search up some relevant promotes to get the ideas flowing. Although it can feel awkward to pour your heart out to an inanimate object, you’ll probably feel better after—like a weight has been lifted.

 

#19 Try Therapy

Sometimes, no matter what you do, you just can’t shake the feeling of being lonely. If you’re feeling this way long-term, it’s a good idea to try therapy. If you have health insurance, spend time looking for a therapist who you think would be a good fit. If not, look for therapists who work on a sliding scale, meaning their cost is adjudged to your income. If you don’t have any money to spend, check with your local community health center and ask about resources. Free apps like 7Cups may also help for those that can’t afford the expensive price of therapy.

 

Summary: How to Deal with Loneliness After a Breakup

If you’re wondering how to deal with loneliness after a breakup, you should know that there’s no surefire way to feel better. With time and effort though, you can feel a little less alone. Use the list above as a way to brainstorm ideas to feel more a part of the world. Then, when you’re ready, schedule some activities, even if it feels a bit uncomfortable and you still feel a bit sad. Even when we don’t want to go things, the action of moving forward can make us feel better after.

How to deal with loneliness after a breakup How to deal with loneliness after a breakup

Quiet Workouts: 11 Effective Tips for No Noise Exercise

By
YoHumanz
quiet workouts

Live in an apartment? Don’t want to annoy people with your workout sounds?

Yep, I’ve been there.

Actually, I am there.

I’ve never been to a gym and yet I workout without any of my neighbors complaining.

And yes, I do more than yoga and Pilates.

I do HITT workouts in my tiny apartment and I’m going to show you the tricks I use to minimize the sound

Ready? Let’s jump into quiet workout tips you can use at home.

 

How to Workout Quietly in an Apartment

quiet workouts

From reorganizing your apartment to choosing better apartment-friendly exercises, we got you covered in this quiet workout guide.

 

#1 Use Area Carpet or Rugs.

If you live in an apartment with a hardwood floor, consider laying down carpet. This is probably the quickest way to lessen the impact from exercise moves. Instead of hearing constant and deep thuds, the carpet will cushion them, making it less noticeable.

Carpets are expensive, but if you plan on working out at home as a habit, it’s a good idea to invest in a thicker one. I changed carpets around in my apartment so that I could have a bigger one in my living room to workout on. Unfortunately, when it was delivered, I noticed it was about half the thickness of my old carpet. Although I saved A LOT of money, you can definitely tell the difference in noise.

Moral of the story? Thicker rugs=less noise.

If you don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars on a rug, you could always look for people selling used ones locally or online. If it bothers you that it’s used, steam clean it. You could also only roll it out for workouts and roll it back up after.

 

#2 Use Cushy Workout Mat

You can get cheap mats that aren’t a problem to workout on, but you’ll notice they create more of a thud when you’re doing jumping moves. For example, a cushy vegan suede mat is going to absorb more noise and impact than a thin PCV mat.

Again, the good mats cost more money, but they’re a worthwhile investment if you plan on working out at home and sticking to it.

 

#3 Rethink Minimalist Style

I love the minimalist style. It looks so clean and put together. There are downfalls though. If you live in an apartment, minimalist style can mean more echoing and more sound leaking outside. That means people can more easily hear you talk and workout too. Simply put, a cluttered apartment will contain the sound better.

While you don’t have to have a messy apartment, consider adding some pieces to lessen the noise:

  • Furniture
  • Pictures on the wall
  • Bookshelves
  • Wall tapestries

Basically, anything the sound can bounce off of to stay inside your apartment can be a good thing.

 

#4 Don’t Wear Shoes

If you’re moving around in running shoes, the noise of your impact will be more. Instead, you can workout barefoot or use a pair of non-slip socks. That will also reduce other noises that come from shoes, such as squeaking. However, remember that when you workout without shoes, there will be LESS sound but MORE impact on your feet. To reduce that impact on your joints, it’s a good idea to workout on something soft (ex. on a mat on a carpet rather than bare feet on hardwood).

 

#5 Land Softly

When you exercise in the gym, you might not care how loudly you land when you jump. However, you may get away with some exercises at home if you are constantly conscious of how light you are when you land. Landing softer also takes more work, giving you an added challenge.

 

#6 Choose Low Impact Exercises

No matter what you do to make your apartment or room “workout proof,” it’s probably a good idea to choose low impact exercises. The moves that don’t require you to jump are quieter and are less likely to annoy anyone who can hear.

For example, instead of doing full-on burpees, try walking burpees. Instead of doing jumping jacks, try a round of shadow boxing to elevate your heartrate.

This can be easy to do on something like arm day, but when you’re trying to work on your cardio, it can be more difficult to find quiet exercises. We have the answer though: Read 28 moves for quiet cardio workouts.

Quiet Cardio Workout

 

#7 Use Weights

If choosing lower impact exercises means less of a racing heart for you, add weights to get it back up. Many quiet exercises can be done with weights for an added challenge. When you’re ready to build intensity, up the weight. If you’re worried about the noise of weights, consider plastic coated ones as opposed to metal.

 

#8 Use Resistance Bands

Another way to make low impact exercises more intense is to use a resistance band. These make it feel like your leg or arm has extra weight, making it work harder. This is also a good option if you don’t want the sound of weights clanking inside your apartment.

 

#9 Use Headphones

If you like music blasting when you workout and are afraid to annoy the neighbors, simply use headphones. That way, you can get the music as loud as you want!

 

#10 Get to Know Neighbor’s Routines

If you’re someone who listens to things without meaning to, it’s possible you already know your neighbors routine. For example, maybe they leave at 7am for work every day. That means working out after that time won’t annoy them because they aren’t there. Of course, this is easier to figure out in small apartment buildings where there’s only a few noises to pay attention to.

 

#11 Ask Neighbors for Best Times

If all else fails, you can always knock on your neighbor’s door and ask them when is a good time to workout. Nice neighbors may say that you can workout anytime, they don’t care about the noise. In that case, you have nothing to worry about anymore!

If they tell you they leave or get home at a certain time, you can consider whether that works into your schedule. Another option is to give them your number, tell them you’ll be exercising and to text you if it gets too loud for them. That way, you can figure out what’s doable without getting any landlords involved.

 

Summary: Quiet Workouts, Tips for Apartments

If you live in an apartment, getting a workout in can seem impossible because you don’t want to disturb any of your neighbors. Fortunately, it’s possible with the tips we’ve outlined above. After trying your best to soundproof your apartment for impact, choose moves that are less likely to make noise. Another option is to talk to your neighbors and see what’s doable for them.

quiet workouts quiet workouts

How to Answer a Compliment with 6 Non-Awkward Tricks

By
YoHumanz
how to answer a compliment

Compliments are weird, right?

They usually feel good to get (even if we’re too modest to admit it).

But often they feel awkward to respond to.

Like, is saying “thanks” confirming the compliment you’re self-conscious is screaming “no” to?

…But not saying “thanks” is also rude.

So what do you do?

Here, we’re showing you how to answer a compliment in 6 ways, complete with examples.

 

Factors that Influence How to Answer a Compliment

If you give dozen people the same compliment, how they respond will each be slightly different. That’s because there’s some personal factors that influence how we perceive them. If you’re wondering how to answer a compliment, it’s worth consider the factors below, where you currently fall into them and how that affects your response.

 

Imposter Syndrome

Have you heard of Imposter Syndrome? It’s the when someone continuously doubts their skills and has an fear of being “found out” as a “fraud.” For example, someone compliments your work and you doubt you have the skills and if you do, then it’s probably a one-off success. If someone genuinely says you’re beautiful, you doubt that and fear them finding out what you really look like when you wake up.

In other words, imposter syndrome holds us back from seeing who we truly are, even when others can see our skills or talents. If we believe this about ourselves, it can make it difficult to accept compliments because we don’t believe them. Saying “thank you” genuinely feels weird because the compliment was weird in the first place—after all, we aren’t that great or deserving of it.

The first step to accepting a compliment is killing imposter syndrome—even if you can just manage it for the moment.

 

Self-confidence

Along with imposter syndrome, someone can also suffer from low self-confidence. While imposter syndrome can affect specific areas of skill or talent, you might lack confidence overall. In this case, you may think that any compliment you get is weird and out of place.

If you can relate to this, understand that you likely respond to compliments from this angle. Recall ways you’ve downplayed comments because you don’t see yourself as deserving. Then try to accept that someone else truly sees that about you.

 

Modesty

Perhaps you know your skills and your positives, but you’re also big on modesty. You’re afraid of coming across as too braggy or showy. So instead of accepting a compliment, you downplay it, saying it’s not true or all that important.

The most popular example of this is compliment someone’s outfit and they respond with, “Oh, this old thing?” Even though they may think they look great in the dress, they don’t want others to know they know because that would be immodest of them.

The truth is that saying “thank you” isn’t being immodest. It isn’t even complimenting yourself. In fact, I’d argue that accepting a compliment is modest because you’re humble enough to accept someone else’s opinion, even if it makes you uncomfortable to voice.

 

Cockiness

Cocky people respond to compliments often in inappropriate ways, as if they’re all-knowing about how great they are. When looking for how to answer a compliment, this isn’t a good way. But we won’t go on about it because chances are, if you’re reading about how to accept one, you aren’t cocky.

 

Compliment Genuine-ness

Lastly but importantly, how we respond to compliments has a lot to do with how genuine the compliment is. If we feel the person is coming from a good place and means it, we want to give a genuine thanks back. If the person said it rudely, to get something from us or as a backhanded comment, we usually aren’t sure what to say—but it definitely didn’t make us happy.

Disingenuine compliments may include:

  • A guy yelling out his car window with his gross friends, “You’re so sexy!”
  • A guy who you just met at the bar telling you that you’re wifey material and he’d love to take you back home because you’re just so smart
  • An aunt who always insults your hair, but compliment now that you’ve dyed it back to a “normal” color

In any of these cases, you don’t have to accept the compliment. You can walk away, say it made you uncomfortable or ignore it completely.

 

How to Answer a Compliment: 6 Tricks

how to answer a compliment

If you’re someone who’s not always sure of themselves, it can be difficult learning how to respond to a compliment in a polite, non-awkward way. Here’s some ideas you can practice.

#1 Say Thank You

The easiest way to answer a compliment is just to say thank you. Often times, we are too busy defending why we don’t deserve a compliment. But try to put that out of your mind for a moment and just accept that someone else thinks you deserve it. It feels nice right?

It’s not always easy to give compliments and nobody needs to, so when somebody genuinely chooses to, say thanks!

Remember that there needs to be no qualifier or prologue to it. Don’t say:

  • “It really looks bad, but thanks.”
  • “Thanks, but I really didn’t do much.”
  • “I really don’t think so, but thanks anyway.”

Thank you is a complete sentence 🙂

If “thanks” seems to short or dismissive, say it out fully. For example, my go-to is always “Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.”

 

#2 Give Praise for Complimenting

When someone gives you a good or heartfelt compliment, you may want to go beyond the plan “thanks” and elaborate a little.

For example, if I feel like someone I don’t know went out of their way to give me a nice compliment, I’ll say thanks, but I’ll also add something like, “you are so sweet!”

Other variations could include:

  • “You’re so nice for saying that.”
  • “You’re so kind for going out of your way to say that.”
  • “What a nice thing to say!”

Giving people praise for saying something nice is almost like giving them a compliment back. It makes them feel better and they’ll probably like you even more too! Everyone likes feeling like they’re being a good person.

 

#3 Share Relevant Information

Above we said that thank you is a complete sentence. And it is. But sometimes being short saying thank you can feel awkward. We feel the need to elaborate. Which is probably why we end up self-deprecating in most compliment responses. Instead of doing that though, think about what else you can add to your “thank you.”

The most common example is someone complimenting your shirt and saying, “Thanks! I got it from the store down the road.”

Other options can include:

  • Sharing where you got a product relevant to the compliment (ex. shirt, décor)
  • Sharing where you got a service relevant to the compliment (ex. hair, car detailing)
  • Sharing how you did something (ex. workout regime to get fit)
  • Sharing the recipe for something (ex. if you got complimented on your baking)

 

#4 Share Impact of Compliment

Let’s face it, it can be awkward to receive a compliment, but if it’s genuine, it usually also feels good. Maybe you weren’t expecting it, maybe your day was going bad, maybe you feel better about yourself because of it. The point? Compliments have impact. Telling people that ensures they will go on to compliment more people and the world will be a happier place because of it.

Also, the person who complimented you will feel the love back. Realizing they made you feel good will likely make them feel good. So don’t be afraid to share the impact your comment had. Examples could include:

  • “It really means a lot to me.”
  • “You just made my day.”
  • “Nobody ever says that to me!”
  • “I was worried red didn’t look good on me, but now I feel a lot better.”
  • “I have to say, I’ve been having a horrible week and just saying that small thing really lifted me up.”
  • “You don’t know how your compliments will lift someone’s day!”

 

#5 Ask a Relevant Question

When thank you seems too short and awkward to say, another way you can lengthen the conversation is by asking a question. This also takes the attention away from you, which is useful if being the center of attention makes you uncomfortable.

Think about questions relevant to the compliment. Of course, this will depend on the thing you’re being complimented about. Here’s a few examples:

  • Compliment about hair –>Where do you get your hair done?
  • Compliment about your work –>What part was your favorite/most meaningful?
  • Compliment about your decor –>What artwork/other pieces would look nice with it?
  • Compliment about your earrings –>Do you know where I can get a cheap sterling silver pair?

 

#6 Compliment Back

The last way to accept a compliment is to compliment the person back. Of course, you want to accept and acknowledge their compliment first. Don’t immediately fire a compliment back as a way of rejecting your own.

The most common example is saying “you too!” Like, if someone says they like your hair color and you say, “Thanks, I love your hair too!”

To make the most out of it though, try to make it a specific and genuine compliment. For example, firing back the exact same line could seem fake or that you’re just looking for something to say back. Adding more detail makes the compliment more special to the person. For example, “Thanks, I love your hair too, I wish I could pull off red like you” or “Thanks, your haircut really suits your face shape, it looks great!”

 

Summary on How to Answer a Compliment

Getting compliments can be awkward, even if it feels good. Yet, we want to honor the fact that someone took the time to tell us something nice. So, how do we do it without coming off cocky or like we have no confidence at all?

The tips shared in this post should help you accept compliments without insulting yourself in the process. If “thank you” seems short and you’re wondering how to answer a compliment, we’ve provided other ways you can add to your response.

how to answer a compliment how to answer a compliment

 

Ask a Human: The Q About the Mean Husband

By
YoHumanz
relationship advice column

🔎 Ask A Human…

is an Advice Column for Humans by One Human. We want to hear what you’re struggling with these days. Relationships? Breakups? Family? Friends? Jobs? Mental health? Anything.

Ask us Anonymously Here or by emailing [email protected]

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

Dear Human,

My marriage is fractured to the point that I really do not have the motivation to even attempt a reconciliation. I have been miserable for 40 years and am trapped.  My husband is mean and self-serving.  I told him that I do not like the person that he has become and his response was “I really don’t care”.  What are your thoughts on this comment.

 

Dear Human with the Mean Husband,

It sounds like you didn’t write in for advice. It sounds like you wrote in to get someone anonymous to validate how you feel. As you described it, you are 100% right to feel how you feel.

I think you know what to do here. You say you don’t have motivation for reconciliation. And he says he really doesn’t care. It seems that the marriage has gotten unhealthy to a point of breaking. I encourage you NOT to fix it. It sounds like you may have made attempts in the past to improve the relationship, but haven’t got much help from your partner. If he is self-serving like you say, he’s unlikely to ever put effort in. It seems like you know you’d be happiest without him. The best idea is to seek support of those close to you and make a plan to leave the marriage.

Although relationships can be difficult and fall apart, it’s never appropriate for your husband to be mean to you. Because you describe him this way and say you feel trapped, I wonder if there’s forms of emotional abuse happening. If this is the case, you may want to make a safety plan for leaving.

I can’t pretend to be able to relate to 40 years of marriage. That’s a long time and it’s a lot to hand over. What I can relate to though is the feeling of being helpless to the point of wanting to run yet not ever really wanting to leave the cage. Even though the person could be mean to me, I thought there was still a lot of good there. I hoped that if I waited longer for them to change, I might not need to throw away our time together. I wished that the problems we were having were all my fault—because then I could try to actually fix them. But I can’t fix something that’s on the other person’s shoulders. I can’t fix them for them.

We also deserve more than someone who’s mean to us and who doesn’t care about how we feel. That’s not normal in any type of healthy relationship. You deserve to be happy.

It may hurt a lot to leave, even if it hurts to stay. Or it may be past the point of hurting where you feel more numb. Whichever the case, you know what to do.

Hope this helps.

Sincerely,

A Human❤️

Quiet Cardio Workout: 28 Moves + DIY Workout Printable

By
YoHumanz

How can you do cardio inside without annoying your neighbors?

Is it possible to work up a sweat without leaving home?

Luckily, it is.

Even if you’re a gym person who’s used to doing intense cardio, we bet there’s some moves on this list that will test you.

In fact, I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’ve never been to the gym. I don’t like people around me and I don’t like paying to exercise.

Yet, I live in an apartment building and I manage to workout almost every weekday.

Yep, it’s totally possible.

If your floors are squeaky or you live in an apartment building with whiney neighbors, we’re about to get rid of that excuse for you—once and for all.

How to Use This List for Quiet Workouts

Quiet Cardio Workout

You can use the list of quiet exercises below to create your own DIY quiet workouts. Here’s how:

  1. Print/save our FREE HITT Workout Planner PDF
  2. Choose your moves and write them in your workout planner
  3. Set your timer and go!

 

Here’s the details of your workout:

  • Each HITT workout features 7 moves
  • Each move is 45 seconds long
  • Rest time between moves is 10 seconds
  • Complete 4 rounds for a full 26 minute workout.
  • If you do a move on one leg/arm, do the next in the next round.

 

How to customize your quiet cardio workout:

  • For a bigger challenge, go 5 or more rounds.
  • For beginners, start low at 2 rounds and work your way up.
  • Alternate your quiet exercises over time so your body doesn’t get used to them. If you want, make several lists of different combinations.
  • For added intensity, some moves allow you to add weights or simply do them at a quicker pace.

 

Quiet Cardio Workout: 28 Quiet Exercises to Try

Quiet Cardio Workout

Pick 7 moves off this list to insert into your DIY Workout Planner Printable.

#1 Fast Walking Lunges

The key is to go fast, but don’t rush it to the point where you knee falls in and you lose your form. You don’t want an injury. For an added challenge, use weights.

#2 Lunge Pulses

 

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A post shared by UCOACHES (@chrispecsi)

Similar to a walking lunge, only you pulse on one leg.

#3 Reverse Lunges

Instead of lunging forward, lunge back, alternating between legs. You want to go as fast as you can to break a sweat, but not so fast that your legs are wobbly and your form is compromised.

#4 Side Lunges

 

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A post shared by thekosherstogie (@thekosherstogie)

Yet another variation of the lunge. Side lunges are good for stretching, but when done quickly, they can also be a form of cardio. For added intensity, use a weight.

#5 High-Low Plank

 

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A post shared by Kay 🌻 (@kayllieanne)

I hate this one because my arms are weak and it feels like intense quiet cardio every time.

#6 Bicycle Crunch

A great way to work your abs to a sweat.

#7 Mountain Climbers

Kind of like an inverted bicycle crunch. If your hands are planted into the ground and you use a mat, the noise will be minimal but the sweat will be severe. If you’re a beginner, go slow. If you’re in for a challenge, go as fast as you can. You can also choose to crisscross, opposite knee to opposite elbow.

#8 Plank Walkout with Pushup

Plank walkouts are like burpees but without the impact that will disturb your neighbors. Although it doesn’t look like much, adding a push up and doing as many as you can within 45 seconds will break quite the sweat. In the example above, avoid the knee jump for sound reasons.

#9 Plank Jacks

Plank jacks are another annoying move that work. Similar to a jumping jack only on the floor so that your ab muscles are engaged.

#10 Front Kicks

As fast as you can, kick forward, alternating legs.

#11 Side Kicks

Side kicks are quiet (as long as you don’t hit anything) but as you build up an intensity, you’ll be panting.

#12 Shoulder Taps

 

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Shoulder taps are another one that don’t look like much, but you’ll probably be panting by the end. I mean, you’re in plank the whole time, it’s not super easy. For more intensity, go faster.

#13 Fast Squats

Squats can make you sweat, but doing them fast is a form of cardio. Just remember, go as quick as you can, but not fast enough that it ruins your form and creates and injury. For more intensity, go lower or add weights. You can also use weights to make this more difficult.

#14 Squat Punches

 

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While sitting in a low, wide squat position, use your fists to alternate punching. Try to keep your form without getting up for a break.

#15 Wall Sit: Quiet Cardio

 

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A post shared by Tony Comella (@tony.comella)

Since you’re basically squatting using a wall, you may not think it’s cardio. But try it, get your heart racing and I’m sure you’ll disagree. For added intensity, use a weight.

#16 Squat-Side Kick

The combo move of the squat and side kick makes it feel like cardio even though it’s part of quiet workouts. Squat and as you come up, kick with one foot. Squat again and kick with the other leg. Repeat.

#17 Kettlebell Swing

 

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If you have a kettlebell, you can use it to raise your heartrate with some swings.

#18 Boxing Quiet Workouts

Punching takes a lot out of you and brings on the pace of cardio. If you have equitment, you can punch that. But if you’re looking for a quiet exercise, you probably don’t have a punching bag on hand. Luckily, punching the air works up a sweat too!

#19 Skaters

Bend down to touch your opposite hand to your opposite toe.

#20 Sliding Burpees

Can’t do burpees in your apartment? This version will still make your heart race. All you need to do is put a small towel or slider under your feet so that you slide instead of jump for less impact.

#21 Bear Crawl

Keeping your body in this position while moving will raise your heartrate.

#22 Lunge to Kick

This move combines lunges and kicking, giving your legs extra strain to power through. It also really tests your balance. Make sure to switch legs the next round.

#23 Swimmers

 

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A post shared by [P]Rehab®️ (@theprehabguys)

Have no pool around you? No problem! Get on the floor and act like your swimming. This is another move that looks easy peasy, but tests so many muscles that you’ll be glad when it’s over.

#24 Tricep Dips

If you want to work your arms while doing cardio, this is a good one for you!

#25 Russian Twists

Yet another ab move that, done fast enough, doubles as cardio.

#26 Shoot Throughs

If you’re uncoordinated like me, this move is a little harder. But it’s worth learning because it always gets my heart jumping.

#27 Donkey Kicks

 

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A post shared by Body Coach (@changewithcarley)

Another version of the kick you won’t get bored of but that’s different enough to get your blood pumping. You can use a band for this, as shown above. But if you don’t have one, you can simply stand up and kick backwards at a faster pace to patch the intensity.

#28 Side Plank Switch

 

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A post shared by Teri Dow (@dowteri)

Side planks can be made into cardio if you do them at a quick enough pace when you switch arms. However, if you’re working on your form, remember your form is way more important than your pace. You don’t want any injuries!

Summary: Quiet Cardio Workouts

If you can’t or don’t want to go to the gym, there’s still many ways to do quiet cardio workouts inside your apartment. Use the quiet exercises above and your printable to create your own DIY workouts that won’t upset your neighbors!

Quiet Cardio Workout Quiet Cardio Workout
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