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8 Ways to Call More Peace Into Your Life

By
YoHumanz
how to have peace in life

Feel stuck? Like life is a constant struggle?

Do you go to bed trying to feel hopeful, only to wake up with a sense of hopelessness?

Do you feel like everything in the world… kind of sucks right now? That everyone is against each other and there’s no end in sight?

Let’s be honest, there’s a lot to be stressed, anxious and depressed about.

Like, a lot.

Blinding ourselves to it may help, but we don’t want to become naive by putting on fake rose-colored glasses.

There is an in-between though.

One that allows you to know the realities of the world while still feeling peaceful inside. It’s not always easy, but it’s a habit mindset you can build, and eventually, care through your life with ease.

We’re sharing 8 ways you can live a peaceful life in this post. Read on to calm down.

 

How to Live a Peaceful Life

how to have peace in life

Before we get into how to live a peaceful life, we should acknowledge that peace may mean something different to everyone. And, there’s even more ways on how to get there.

In general, a peaceful life is one where you feel calm and content about yourself and your place in the world. It doesn’t mean you think the world is perfect. But it means that you realize peace starts from within and expands outwards—onto others, our community, city, state, country and the world.

While we’ll still have fears and stresses (we’re human), we’re able to cope with them in a healthy way and revert back to our calm state.

 

#1 Be 100% You

Turmoil can come when we’re pretending to be who we’re not by fitting into society’s mold of who it thinks we should be. It’s not always a conscious decision either. We’re running a rat race, often going from school to more school to work to climbing the latter. It’s easy to get lost in the process and lose ourselves within it too.

Ask yourself from time to time, am I being myself? Do my actions align with my soul’s wants, needs or goals? Am I doing what I want or need? Or am I just doing what’s expected of me?

While being yourself is important, that doesn’t mean you won’t develop. Lifelong learning is another trait of the peaceful person, so don’t be afraid to change as you learn. Just make sure it’s still a version of yourself.

 

#2 Look Past Facades

how to have peace in life

The times I feel the least peace are the times when I really feel like I could punch someone. The person who says something really rude, insensitive or mean. Or the person clearly displaying a total disregard for others. How do you deal with that while remaining at peace?

One way is to try to see the human in others, even when it’s really hard. Hurt people often hurt people. This isn’t an excuse for their behavior. But seeing that the guy who made a rude comment was abused during childhood could explain a bit of why he has so much anger. This doesn’t mean you should allow them to get away with it, but knowing what’s behind the façade could make you a little less angry all the time.

Another example is the idiot who cuts you off when you’re driving. Maybe they’re rushing to visit their mother in the hospital before she dies. And, maybe they won’t make it. Same thing does for people “begging for money” on the side of the road. Instead of being annoyed that they ask you, try to imagine what circumstances led them there.

 

#3 Forgive

Forgiveness is a tricky thing to talk about sometimes. Some people think you should forgive everyone, including the worst people on earth. Some people think you should forgive no one.

Look, it’s ultimately up to you who you forgive and who you don’t. But remember to separate forgiveness and forgetting. You can forgive your ex for cheating on you, but you won’t forget it, so you won’t take her back or allow it back into your life. But that act of forgiveness has allowed you to let go of the burden of anger. That clears space for better thoughts, like, ones that don’t involve them at all.

Try forgiveness out and see which situations where it could help you.

 

#4 Draw a Line Between Real Life and Fake Life

The other day I was petting my dog and I was reminded of all the work I had left to do on my computer. I lifted my hand to stop petting him and turn back to my work.

Then I thought, “No, this is life.”

The truth is, with social media and the ability to be constantly available via text or email, a lot of life is lived in the fake world—the one that exists somewhere, but not here.

Yes, we need to get our work done and complete our responsibilities. But we can’t let that overtake our time in the real world. The one where we talk to people, pet dogs, go for walks and maybe even say hi to a neighbor.

Living a peaceful life could start by putting the phone down. Turning off notifications. And drawing social media boundaries.

 

#5 Practice Seeing Life from Varying Perspectives

As I was saying above, everyone has been through things that you haven’t and there’s a lot behind someone than just a face. People arrive at different conclusions because they come from different perspectives.

Next time you disagree with someone, try to learn what perspective they’re coming from. Again, this doesn’t mean excusing them. And it definitely doesn’t mean you need to agree with them. But learning why they think the way they are could lead to a more peaceful life.

For example, let’s say there’s a homeless shelter proposed near you and you’re angry because it’s going to bring more crime to your community. You’re angry at the people who support it. Talk to them and learn why they’re for it. Share your fears. Maybe you learn about how difficult it can be to be without a home. Maybe you learn that, despite that popular belief, crime doesn’t typically go up when shelters are introduced into communities. So, maybe you change your mind. Or maybe you don’t. But having a wider perspective can make you more at peace with yourself and lead you to form opinions more aligned with humanity.

 

#6 Embrace Mindfulness

Mindfulness is being thrown around a lot lately, but it basically means living in the present moment. Everything you do, you do with 100% attention. You do things one at a time, without thinking about what’s coming next on the to-do list. This can help you do things better or get the most enjoyment out of it.

For example, next time you eat a meal, put down your phone and turn off the TV. Pay attention to the texture, the smell and taste of every bite. Resist the need to hunt for your next bite before swallowing the current one.

I know this sounds a little… vague and sappy. So it can help to look at tangible mindfulness-based stress reduction exercises to see what it’s all about.

 

#7 Give Up Control

You can control one person and that’s you. And let’s be honest, even that can be difficult sometimes.

But you really, you can’t control other people. You can try to show them what to do to be better or how to act, but you can’t physically make them. Often times, none of these efforts work because many people need to change from inside themselves first.

The serenity Prayer is called the Serenity prayer for a reason, so I’ll share it here:

 

#8 Have a Peace Practice

If you’re wondering how to have a peaceful life, you should know that it can be a lot easier if you incorporate a peace practice into your life. What does that mean? It’s up to you. Basically, anything that calms your mind into a meditative state can help. Activities like these can make feeling peaceful a habit; calm is contagious.

Peaceful practices could include:

  • Meditation
  • Breathing practices
  • Prayer
  • Reading spiritual texts
  • Doing a repetitive task, like weaving or knitting
  • Yoga
  • Tai Chi
  • Pilates
  • Walking
  • Petting your cat

 

Summary on How to Have a Peaceful Life

how to have peace in life

Finding peace in life today is tough. There’s always something bad going on in the world and sometimes, there’s a lot of junk in our personal world too. But there’s hope! Peace is a state of mind, and with that, it takes time to build. And it takes effort to maintain. To start your journey to peace, try the tips above.

how to have peace in life

 

35 Unconventional Lady Rules Every Human Should Follow

By
YoHumanz
lady rules

This list isn’t what you think it is.

We’re not telling you how to be a lady.

This isn’t the scene in Princess Diaries where Mia learns etiquette rules from the Queen.

It’s time to face the truth: There’s more important rules in life than which one is the salad fork.

In fact, maybe the most important rule is that there are none. Yep, even if you’re a lady. While some people and society at large may try to put women in a box, you don’t belong there. Nobody does. Maybe you came here looking for it, but it’s not what you need (not even you, Karen).

It’s time to stop learning how to be a good little lady and start learning how to be a good human being. Seriously, the world needs it more.

This post contains 35 lady rules for being a good person—regardless of your gender.

 

How To Be A Lady: 35 Unconventional Lady Rules for Every Gender

lady rules

If you’re wondering how to be a lady or what “lady rules” everyone should know, we suggest you reframe your question. Being a woman, a human and being alive is about a whole lot more than that. It’s about things you’ll unlock with the following rules:

  1. You can be honest and nice at the same time. Say what you mean without being mean.
  2. Nobody requires you to be an asshole, so try not to be one.
  3. Listen completely when someone talks. Stop filling the time by thinking about your response.
  4. When someone gives you a compliment, say thanks instead of responding with the reasons why you don’t deserve it (you do!).
  5. Hold the door open for other people when you can.
  6. Say “no” when you’re really thinking, “I guess, but I really don’t want to.” You don’t need to do everything!
  7. Be curious about other people. Ask questions about them.
  8. Exercise empathy and compassion in all things: Conversations, issues, arguments, etc.
  9. Speak up when something is wrong, even if it affects someone else and not you.
  10. In an argument or looking at an issue? Try to see it from all perspectives.
  11. Be there for people in your life. It’s a two-way-street.
  12. Learn from your mistakes, even when you don’t think there’s a lesson there. It could come later on.
  13. When you’re spending time with someone, give them your attention instead of checking your phone.
  14. Don’t mistake kindness for doormat syndrome. Make it a lady rule to be kind yet assertive of your boundaries.
  15. Are words or actions ambiguous? Give people the most generous interpretation you can and seek to learn more before getting upset (this is a hard one!).
  16. Don’t buy into the black and white the world wants you to accept. The older you get, the more grey area you find (and it’s usually where the truth lies).
  17. Say the truth, even if your voice is shaking the entire time.
  18. Reschedule as soon as you cancel on a friend.
  19. Take time to cool off when you’re angry. And give others time to cool off when they’re angry, too.
  20. When you’re in an argument with someone, take pauses before speaking to make sure you’re choosing the right words. Draft texts before sending, editing a flaming-angry message into a lesser-angry one.
  21. Always donate the things you can before throwing them out.
  22. Set boundaries. If others can’t accept them, they’re probably worth losing anyway.
  23. Say please and thank you. (I said there wouldn’t be etiquette rules, but this is an exception.)
  24. Always pick up your dog’s poop on walks.
  25. Plan to be 10-15 minutes early instead of on time.
  26. Realize that everyone is going through something you never have, so be kind.
  27. Stop being so judgy. Not smoking crack doesn’t make you better than the person who does. Really, it doesn’t.
  28. If you drive, let in cars when they want to merge. If you take transit, give up your seat for pregnant, disabled or elderly people.
  29. Give yourself time away from social media and your phone or laptop in general.
  30. If you squat and pee or somehow accidently pee on a public seat, wipe it up.
  31. Treat the CEO the same as the person who sweeps the CEO’s floors. Nobody likes a Karen.
  32. Cut ties when someone’s actions don’t match their words or if they’re not treating you well.
  33. Think before making promises. Can you really keep it?
  34. Make it a lady rule to do right thing, even if everyone else is doing the wrong thing.
  35. If someone tells you to act more like a lady, send them this song.

 

Summary on Lady Rules + How To Be a Lady

If you came to this page, you may have been expecting to learn about etiquette rules. You didn’t find it. You didn’t learn how to be a lady in the patriarchal sense. But trust me, you’ve left with something a whole lot greater: How to be a tiny bit better of a human 🙂

 

lady rules lady rules lady rules

The #1 Law Of Attraction Mistake Almost Everyone Makes

By
YoHumanz

This post is going to make some “experts” upset.

But it’s the truth.

The Law of Attraction is pretty simple to understand. It’s basically one rule.

But when you put it to practice, it’s not always that easy. Keeping positive and thinking good thoughts all day can be a challenge.

So, surely the #1 law of attraction mistake is being negative, right?

Actually, it’s not.

If you’re practicing the law of attraction, there’s one pitfall that’s really easy to fall into. In fact, I’ll say that most fall into it—yes, even the experts.

I’ve been reading LOA books for over a decade. But ever since learning this, most are hard to read.

And, even though I believe in manifestation, I find it very hard to connect with spiritual communities who ignore this part of the LOA.

Read on to learn what this #1 law of attraction mistake is.

 

The #1 Law Of Attraction Mistake: Shaming People + Their Lives

law of attraction mistake

Your friend is going through something terrible. Maybe her job sucks. Maybe yet another girl left him heartbroken. Maybe she’s dead broke with nowhere to live.

They’re in deep despair but you smile because your spiritual awakening means you have the answer.

“Like attracts like,” you say, as if you’ve given them a key to their own life.

“What do you mean?” they ask.

“Your vibe attracts your tribe,” you give out another cliché. “What I mean is that you attract into your life these circumstances in which you’re now experiencing. Think better thoughts and this will stop happening to you.”

Ugh.

So. Much. Cringe.

Can we please collectively agree to stop using the law of attraction to shame people?

Even many spiritual teachers will say that your horrible life is your own fault. After all, if it wasn’t, then the law of attraction can’t be real, right?

The truth is that while we are spiritual beings, we are in a human experience. As such, very human things happen to us. Sometimes they’re out of our control.

Believing that the law of attraction controls everything gives us a false sense that we’re being lent the control we so desperately wish to have. But that’s not exactly reality. If someone gets into a car accident, they didn’t necessarily attract that. Sometimes, sh!t happens. Sometimes other people are bad drivers.

Let’s take another example: Someone is utterly depressed and you tell them to “think positive and things will change.”

Look, thinking positive is a good step. But for someone dealing with a clinical mental health disorder, prescribing 1 spiritual motto is unlikely to change their lives. In fact, shaming them when they likely already experience shame is probably going to push them further away. Sometimes, people think or feel negatively because of the chemicals in their brain. If it were easy for them to simply think better thoughts, they would have. For some, though, that takes therapy, medication or a combination of treatments.

Yet another scenario where your holier-than-thou speak is not appreciated: Let’s say your friend can’t find a job. She works in a male-dominated industry. She knows she’ll eventually be hired but she’s telling you about how it’s more difficult her because not only is she a woman, but she’s black.

“Anyone can land their dream job if they do the manifestation work,” you tell her while visually mapping out her vision board.

Only the problem is that, even though she can and will achieve it, reality says it can be lot harder for her because of systemic racism and discrimination. You learn that manifestation is intersectional. What’s that mean? Simply put, focusing on manifestation—without also addressing the fact that people are made up of different classes, ethnicities, sexualities and abilities—demeans those whose problems can’t be waved away by the spiritual principle. Of course, people of every class, ethnicity, sexuality and ability can manifest. But not recognizing that they face more barriers makes you a bad manifester, and an even worse friend.

As you see from those scenarios, telling someone that their issue is a product of their improper use of the LOA is insensitive, unhelpful, rude and altogether—really not spiritual.

 

How to Stop Using the LOA to Shame People

law of attraction mistake

The law of attraction can be used in many ways to achieve many things. Even if you’re not spiritual, it makes sense from a scientific standpoint. In fact, this is what cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is in a sense—our thoughts and feelings affect our behavior.

If it works for you, that’s awesome. And if it doesn’t work for you, it’s okay to keep trying.

What’s not okay is using the law of attraction to shame people or victim-blame them.

Even though you’re probably doing it unintentionally, your positivity doesn’t come across as positive. It’s actually what’s known as “toxic positivity.” If you don’t know what that means, here is a seriously good, research-backed, post about it.

When someone comes to you with something difficult and vulnerable, it’s important to validate their concerns, even amongst your positivity. Spiritual people help bring other people up. If that means not bringing up your prized LOA, that’s what it means. Maybe, instead, it means finding other, more tangible solutions. But often, it doesn’t mean finding an answer at all. It could just mean sitting with them and listening.

There’s another reason you should stop making this mistake: It could affect your own ability to manifest.

If you’re putting judgy vibes out into the world, the LOA you cling to will work against you. If you are shaming people (even unintentionally), do you think the LOA won’t pick up on that vibe too?

Bottom line: Be kind to others and the LOA will be kind to you.

 

law of attraction mistake

law of attraction mistake

law of attraction mistake

10 Unconventional Ways to Wake Up Easier and Happier

By
YoHumanz
ways to wake up easier

Getting up sucks most mornings.

Yep, the ringing alarm on your phone goes off and you wish you could just throw it across the room.

Or turn back the clock.

Or rid yourself of responsibility for the first half of the day.

Unfortunately, you can’t do that though. (And if you can, let me know how, you wizard)

But there are some things you can do to make morning less crappy.

In this guide, we’re sharing 10 ways you can wake up easier.

 

10 Ways to Wake Up Easier

how to wake up easie

If you’re not a morning person but want to be, try these unconventional tips to see if any help!

#1 Alarm Shut-Off Via QR Code

I’ve used the app Alarmy for years now and it’s the best I’ve come across. Even though the layout is simple, it has a ton of free features that help wake you up. One of those is the QR code shut off. So, instead of sliding your alarm to shut it off, you have to scan a specific QR code.

So, how can a QR code make waking up easier? First, you can make your own QR code and link it to something inspirational: A talk, an online quote, motivational song, etc. You can print this code out and place it anywhere. If you want a simple wake up, put it by your bedside. If you aways press snooze, place it out of the room, requiring you to actually get it to stop the annoying sound.

Then set your alarm on the app and where it says “select mission” choose QR code and attach it. When it goes off the next morning, walk to where your QR code is to shut it off and enjoy your morning inspiration.

 

#2 Keep Cold Coffee in the Fridge

The first thing I do on weekdays is workout. I feel like I need to do it first thing before my brain wakes up so I can’t talk myself out of it. Due to this, I have no time for fumbling around with a coffee maker—I need a quick hit ASAP.

A hack for this is keeping cold coffee in your fridge. If you make coffee at home, pour a little extra to drink the next day cold. I call this my “morning chugging coffee” and my “enjoyable hot coffee” comes later.

 

#3 Add Something Fun to Your Morning Routine

Many more people are working from home these days, so it’s probably easier to add things into your morning routine. Even if not, you don’t need to carve out a full hour or even half of one.

Choose can activity you can look forward to. It could be writing in your journal, working on a craft or even watching your favorite TV show. Then, decide what time you have to spend on it in the morning. Even if it’s just 15 minutes, doing something enjoyable everything can make you happier to wake up.

 

#4 Open the Curtains

If you can, open your curtain or blinds at night when the room is dark and you’re ready to go to bed. This way, the sunlight will slowly be let in as the run rises. This natural process is better in rhythm with your body’s clock.

If that’s not possible, make sure to open them first thing when you wake up since it could make you feel less groggy.

 

#5 Pre-make Breakfast

If you start off your morning hungry and have no time to make breakfast, the start of every day could get a bit… hangry.

To prevent this, look up breakfast recipes you can make ahead of time. For example, you can make, freeze and defrost egg or bean burritos. If you like sweets, a simple yogurt parfait can be made ahead.

 

#6 Put on Something Inspirational as you Get Ready

While you get ready, shower, brush your teeth, eat and generally prepare for the day, put something motivational on. That could be a good TV show (that’s easy to listen to), inspirational music, audiobooks, podcasts, talks, etc.

Giving yourself a little boost in the morning doesn’t add any more time to your routine and it can make you feel better.

 

#7 Turn Off Phone Notifications

This isn’t just for the morning. It’s for anytime. Really take a good look at which apps your allowing to rob your time in the form of notifications. I only have a few apps that send push notifications. The rest, like email, I have to check manually.

There’s nothing worse to waking up to a message from a frantic friend needing immediate advice about their boyfriend. Or waking up to work emails. Save all that stuff for after you’ve woken up.

 

#8 Drink Less or Smoke Less (Or Cut Out)

If you normally end your evening with a glass or two of wine, beer or liquor, you may fall asleep quicker. However, even if you don’t drink a lot, you can wake up feeling more tired.

The same goes for weed. Many people think cannabis doesn’t have any effects the next day. It may not for everyone, but research shows it can have subtle hangover-like effects the next day. In one 2017 study, patients reported feeling foggy and non-alert in the morning.

 

#9 Try to Have a Relaxing Evening

If you leave a bunch of stuff undone from the night before, you can wake up in a rushed panic. Or, if you don’t take time to destress, your body can go from stress-mode to sleep and back into stress-mode. Before bed, do something that calms you—whether that’s a bath, craft, reading, yoga or talking with a partner, family member or roommate.

 

#10 Take a Moment to Stretch

How often do we hop out of bed and rush to start our day? For me, I have to consciously allow myself a moment to stretch before I walk out of the room. It always feels really good and makes me feel better about the fact I’m awake.

 

Summary on How to Wake Up Easier

Waking up is tough unless you’re a natural morning person who has solidified your routine. But if you’re on this page, that’s not you. Try a few of the tips we’ve shared in this post and see which make you feel happier in the morning. Discard the ones that don’t work and keep the ones that do. Our final piece of advice: It’s easier to make a new action a habit by attaching it onto an already-existing habit, like brushing your teeth.

how to wake up easie how to wake up easie

Ask a Human: Q About the Douchey Coworker

By
YoHumanz
advice column

🔎 Ask A Human…

is an Advice Column for Humans by One Human. We want to hear what you’re struggling with these days. Relationships? Breakups? Family? Friends? Jobs? Mental health? Anything.

Ask us Anonymously Here or by emailing [email protected]

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Dear Human,

I have a co-worker who is your stereotypical douche. Underhanded, shady, takes credit for other people’s work, and so on. He’s even gone so far as having his wife attempt to defame my character around town. I say “attempt” because he didn’t succeed, and basically everyone sees through him and knows my integrity speaks for itself. How do I get my apparently blind boss to understand how crappy this guy is, without making it seems like I’m just being petty and cutting him down?

 

Dear Human With The Douchey Coworker,

There’s not a lot more douchey than the guy who rides other’s coattails, then claims to have designed the coat.

I wonder how his wife is attempting to defame your chapter around town. I wonder what he told his wife that led her to do that. Without knowing the ins and outs of the situation, he sounds pretty insecure. Is he jealous of your work? Is he trying to compensate for the fact that you’re (probably) doing a better job? Is he worried everyone will finally find out he’s not as great as he tries to portray himself? The answer doesn’t matter all that much. While it’s one thing to have a work disagreement, it’s another when your coworker is trying to defame you personally.

I also wonder why you want your boss to see how shitty he is. Do you want validation he’s a douchebag? Maybe you’re not receiving enough credit for your own work? Maybe his childish behaviour is affecting your ability to work?

You say that “everyone sees through him” except for your “apparently blind boss.” I’d ask, what knowledge are others privy to that your boss isn’t? Or, does your boss know, but choose to turn a blind eye?

If there’s information about this Douche that your boss doesn’t know, tell your boss. As you know, this can be a slippery slope because you don’t want to come off as a tattletale child asking a parent to remedy a sibling feud. But just because it’s a fine line doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be walked. If it’s affecting the workplace, your boss should know.

Instead of focusing on Douchebag’s actions, try to keep the conversation about how his actions affect you/your coworker’s work. If I were a boss, I wouldn’t want an asshole on my team. But for the bosses that may not care, speaking to the bottom line may help.

For example, maybe don’t say: “Douchebag did X,Y and Z and so we all hate him.”

But, maybe say: “Do you have time to talk? I’ve tried to keep this issue out of your hands because I don’t want to bother you, but at this point, it’s starting to affect our work and I just wanted to keep you in the loop in case you noticed. For a while now, Douchebag has been doing [these sorts of things] and taking credit for other’s people work, like when he [example]. I’ve ignored it but now he’s spreading rumours about me and it’s making me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to let you know because even though what he’s doing is inappropriate, I’m trying my best… but it’s starting to affect [my work, my mental health, our teamwork, specifics, etc.].”

You don’t have to suggest a solution like “fire him!!!!” Simply let your boss know what’s happening in an unbiased way. Frame it as wanting to keep them in the loop and wanting to ensure work remains positive and productive. Let them respond.

Once your boss has all the info, do they get it? If so, then you’re in a place to possibly offer suggestions. Or, your boss’s changed viewpoint may be a solution itself.

Going to people about problems that shouldn’t be a problem in the first place is always awkward and uncomfortable. If you feel that way, it’s okay to say it. Maybe you start or end the dreaded convo with “I’ve really dreaded telling you about this because I don’t want to come off as cutting Douchebag down” or “I hate/am really nervous to bring this up because it may make me look bad, but it’s in the best interest of [our work here].”

Personally, sometimes I’m surprised by how people respond to honest confrontations. I assume I’ll end up being the one who’s scolded meanwhile the other person keeps reaping rewards they never sowed.

In one situation with a tailcoat rider, even though I outlined simple steps he could take, I realized that, again, I was the one doing everything for the project. He always had an excuse for not doing his fair share and he knew that I’d pick up the slack, so he really didn’t have to. I had to decide between flipping out at him—calling him the list of names I’d collected in my head—or risk looking like a whiny baby by going above him. So, I risked looking like a whiny baby and went to the woman who gave us the project. Everyone said she was a bitchy hard-ass: The perfect personality to tell me to suck it up and deal with it myself.

But I was rageful enough to give it a shot: “I’m not really sure what to do but Mr. Lazy hasn’t done a thing on this project, even though I’ve asked him to do A, B, C. I don’t know what you can do about it, so I don’t expect this to change anything. But I wanted to let you know that if the project doesn’t look like my other work, that’s why—because I was doing it by myself.”

She must have also worked with a Mr.Lazy before she wasn’t having it. She was pissed for me. “That’s not ok. Do you want me to talk to him?” and “Do you want me to take him off the project?”

In this particular case, I chose to just eat it because I knew I’d have the ability to avoid Mr. Lazy after it was over. Yet, it was still surprising to see I wasn’t blamed for speaking the truth.

But what happens if your boss sees Douchebag’s actions and doesn’t care—or you tell your boss and they still don’t care? Then, you purchase a voodoo doll and start working your otherworldly magic. Just kidding (although it could be a good stress reliever??).

In this case, though, your options are limited. You could always try talking to the Douchebag, asking him to please keep it professional. But my guess is that he knows he’s being a douchebag and won’t stop of his own free will (douchebags gonna douchebag).

So then, your last option would be limiting contact with him. I’m not sure what your job is or the tasks you share with Douchebag, but are there ways to minimize your time with him (working different projects, different shifts, etc)?

You also highlighted that your integrity speaks for itself and that people can basically read through his bullshit. If I’m correct in assuming that means your co-workers are on your side, you already have a leg up. In the worst-case scenario, try to focus on that; the people who support you. And on the strength you must have for not punching Douchebag in the face every time he takes more than his fair share of credit. (And I get the feeling he has a very punchable face).

Sincerely,

A Human❤️

7 No-Bull Reasons Why Men Come Back Months Later

By
YoHumanz
why men come back months later

For better or for worse (usually for worse), they always seem to come back around.

“Hey cutie, what you up to.”

“Well Mark, seeing as it’s almost midnight on a Friday, I’m getting prepared to transition into a werewolf. You see, in the months we’ve spent a part, I enrolled into werewolf school and got my degree in fang studies, so I’m about ready to piece through your bullsht.”

Not appropriate?

Honestly, feels like it kinda is. After putting a little or a lot of time into someone, it’s frustrating and sad when they leave. Now, instead of asking yourself why they left, the question is, why do men come back months later?

 

Why Men Come Back Months Later

why men come back months later

Is your ex reaching out after so long apart? Here are the possible reasons why.

 

#1 He Made the Biggest Mistake Ever

Yes, this is what you were looking to hear, wasn’t it?

Sometimes, it takes a little time apart for a man to learn what an awful mistake he’s made and how’s lost such a beautiful human being. If this happens, make sure he understands what he’s done wrong and is actively taking steps to change it (unless it’s abuse).

But let’s be honest, most times those lessons take a lot longer to learn and they need to be told by a dozen more women before making a real change.

So, most times, this isn’t the case. Which really sucks to hear and go through. But the good news is that, I promise, you deserve better than him.

 

#2 He Misses You

This is one of the most common reasons I text my exes and they text me. We miss each other’s company, even though I know my life is better without them.

Often times, we think that because we miss someone, even months or years later, it’s because the universe has cosmically aligned everything so we can get back together. But we need to learning something: We can hold two opposite beliefs at once. That is, we can both miss our ex and know we’re better off without.

Just because someone misses you does not mean they’ve taken the steps to change and be the person you need them to be. And, it also doesn’t mean they want you back permanently. It can just mean, “I still don’t want/can’t to be with you, but I weirdly still miss you, so… hey??”

 

#3 He’s Lonely

why men come back months later

Maybe he doesn’t even miss you specifically, he’s just lonely and needs someone to talk to. He could be in a really bad spot or maybe he just has a night to himself and is feeling a little bored.

Whatever the case, it’s not really your problem. If you want to chat with him for a while to cure both of your boredoms, remember that it doesn’t mean anything more than filling time. In other words, if you respond, be careful not to get attached.

 

#4 His Next Partner Didn’t Work Out

Maybe after you split, he got together with someone else. Or maybe he cheated or broke up with you to be with another person.

Then, after it didn’t work out, he’s trying to come crawling back to you. Why? It could be because he realized he had it better with or. Or maybe he’s just lonely. In any case, too little, too late.

 

#5 He’ll Stop His Addiction

why men come back months later

Ugh. This is a tough one. Anyone that’s been with someone with an addiction feels that. It’s a really hard situation because you know the person may be doing their best, but their actions are still impacting your life in many areas. You know that they need someone to help them, but you also know that isn’t an excuse for bad behavior.

If this rings true to you, he may be texting you to say he’s done with the drinking or drugs. For good this time. No, like, for real. Because he couldn’t stop all the times prior, but this time, after months apart, he really gets it and he can’t lose you. In my experience, this is one of the hardest times to say no. I’m still in pain from it.

But there comes a time that, when we don’t see change, we need to save ourselves. You can’t save a sinking ship when someone keeps piling bricks in it; you’ll just drown together.

The truth is that addiction typically takes years to overcome, so it’s highly unlikely he’s gotten himself together. Actually, people often relapse many times before becoming stable in their sobriety. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it is part of the recovery process and should be planned for.

If he’s taking serious action that you have evidence for, you may contemplate getting back together. But often addiction comes with trust issues because of the problems it causes. So even in these cases, you’ll need to ask yourself if you believe him and if you can grow that trust back. Is it worth it to take all that time to build the trust back? Or is it healthier and less time consuming to find someone who you don’t need to save? After all, it’s not your responsibility to save anyone (this can be a really hard lesson).

You can tell him that you’re proud of him and support his recovery, but it would be too tough on your mental health to go through that again.

Just remember: Addiction is a mental health issue, not a criminal issue to be stigmatized. The worst thing you can do is shame him for his addiction. Walking the line between honestly and shame can be hard but it’s essential to try. As much as you wish it were different, you have no control on whether he gets or remains sober.

 

#6 He Wants Sex

Sex is a great motivator to text your ex at midnight. But it’s not a great motivator to text back.

If you want a hookup, it’s often better to do it with someone else. That’s because, even if you think it’s meaningless, having sex again can bring up emotions for you both.

And, if you’re not looking for that at all, it’s best not to respond. Hoping to turn a hookup into a relationship is a bad idea, especially if he’s your ex.

 

#7 He Wants to Do a Check-In

I have an ex that texts me approximately every 6 months.

“Hey, how are you?”

I’m not really sure what it’s about, but it’s the most useless thing in the world. After exchanging a few messages, there’s nothing of substance and we stop talking. Until 6 months later and it happens again.

Really, I see this as his way of checking in. Are you still single? Has your life gotten better or worse without me? Have you been single long enough that you’re desperate enough to accept my bullsht yet?

If you suspect this is why he’s reaching out, you can oblige him if you want. Or don’t. But just don’t get roped in.

 

#8 Abusive Cycle

Lastly, we can’t end this post without talking about abuse.

In the cycle of abuse, after an incident of abuse, the perpetrator goes onto the reconciliation phase. During this, he’ll apologize. He’ll explain why the abuse happened or give excuses. He may blame you and convince you that the abuse was your fault (it never is!). Or, he may downplay the abuse and say it wasn’t as bad as you say.

In any case, this “reaching out and saying sorry” phase is followed by a period of calm. You’re happy you’re back together and everything is rosy. Then BAM—the cycle repeats itself and tensions build and the abuse is back.

If you recognize this pattern, it’s not your fault. But you should leave the relationship. If that’s unsafe, find confidential support in the U.S. and Canada. If you live in another country, Google “domestic abuse help in [CITY/COUNTRY/PROVINCE/STATE].” If your abuser follows your search history, please delete your search history after seeking online resources.

why men come back months later

why men come back months later

11 Actually Useful Steps to Get Over Your Ex Fast- Finally!

By
YoHumanz
how to get over your ex

There’s no silver bullet to get over your ex quick.

If there was, everyone would be stocking up on it faster than they hoard toilet paper.

But sadly, breakups are a process that require time and reflection to move past. But where do we begin? What will work when nothing else seems to?

Here you’ll find 11 steps you can take to get over your ex.

 

11 Steps to Get Over Your Ex—Finally!

how to get over your ex

Hurting sucks. Here’s how to make it stop.

#1 Feel The Feels

When a breakup happens, the last thing you want to do is feel it. After all, who wants to feel that miserable?

But even though it’s the worst feeling, actually giving yourself space to feel it will make it better in the long run. It’s like the old saying, “don’t bottle things up.” If bottling things up worked, it wouldn’t be a saying.

But the reality is that when you don’t allow yourself to feel the emotion, it will come out in one way or another. It could come out when you’re feeling bad for another reason and all the sudden you’re in mental breakdown mode. Or it could manifest as stress (mentally and even physically). Bottom line: Ignoring emotions doesn’t make them go away. Maybe the worst, it could come out with the next person you’re with.

Know that a breakup, no matter how long you were together, is still a loss. And with loss comes grief. That’s a natural process, so lean into a bit. If you feel like crying, cry. If you want to sulk and watch movies all day, do it. If you need to take a day off because it doesn’t feel like you can function, that’s okay too.

Too often, we think we need to automatically pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and go back into the world. Of course, eventually that will need to happen. But don’t rush into it. It’s tempting to think that’s what’s expected of you because, as a society, we don’t really highlight the pain of breakups. I mean, we see women suffering through splits in chick flicks, eating a pint of ice cream and crying. But we don’t really talk about the trauma ending a relationship brings. Regardless of your gender, it’s normal to feel this way, even if you think others would take it easier.

 

#2 Find a Way to Release Emotion

Now that we’ve convinced you to feel your crappy feelings, what do you do when it’s all too much to handle? We all need coping strategies that can help us deal with hard times. What works is different for everyone. Some coping strategies may work while others may do nothing.

Here’s some ideas:

  • Try therapy
  • Talking to a friend (but not overtalking them)
  • Posting on a Reddit breakup thread
  • Journaling
  • Trying a therapy or CBT app
  • Meditating
  • Mindfulness
  • Yoga

 

#3 Consider Cutting Contact

Sometimes cutting contact isn’t completely possible. For example, maybe you have a child with your ex or you work together. But in most cases, you can swiftly kick them out of your life after the split.

You may want to remain friends with your ex. Although every situation is different, it’s often better to take a break before rekindling as friends. Since the pain of the split is still raw, even though you don’t think it will, it could end up affecting the relationship and making it worse than it would be if you waited. So, break contact and start speaking to them after you feel you’ve healed from it. You may even realize you don’t care to be friends, after all.

Another question is, why do you want to keep friends with your ex in the first place? If it’s because you’ll miss them if you completely cut it off, I get it. I’ve been there. But the truth is that hanging on by a thread may make the moment feel better, but it usually delays healing.

So what does cutting contact actually mean? No seeing each other in person, no text, emails, calls—oh, and deleting them off of your social media accounts.

Wait. The last part seems too permanent. Not sure if you’re ready for it? Research shows that if your breakup was less problematic, it could actually be best to remain friends on Facebook. That’s because unfriending them puts them in a cloud of mystique, making you more distressed. However, if your split was emotional, the best thing to do, according to researchers, could be to delete them. Although we can still try to stalk them after deleting them, it’s a lot harder.

Research also shows that cyberstalking our exes gives us hope of reuniting, which interrupts the healing process. So, when we delete them, we typically stalk less, have less hope and move on easier.

 

#4 Purge The Memories

It’s hard to part with things. Maybe the first week you keep memories around “just in case.” But eventually, healing is going to be easier when you’re not constantly reminded of them.

What should you get rid of?

  • Printed photos
  • Digital photos
  • Photos on social media
  • Any things they left there (clothes, toiletries, etc.)
  • Gifts they gave you

The best option is to donate any items you can and throw out the rest. If you’re ex was a real jerk, feel free to sell his stuff. This didn’t come from me, but if they text you asking to pick it up, just say “sorry, I sold it to pay for the therapy you’ve caused me.”

If you can’t possibly bring yourself to part the things, at least put them in a spot where you can’t see them. That way, you won’t be reminded of it every day. I did this but still, every time I opened my closet, I knew his crap was just lurking there waiting to leave. Eventually, I arranged to give them back.

But I have one confession: It’s been years and I still have some digital photos of a trip we took together. If you’re like me and you can’t get rid of some particular memories (ugh), here’s my trick: Delete the photos from your phone, laptop, social, etc. and move them to Google Drive or Photos. That way, they are still there but you won’t see them unless you check for them (but don’t do that).

 

#5 Stop Trying to Bump Into Them

If I could tell anything to my younger self about dating, I’d say a lot. But one of them would be to not date people who live really close to you. It makes it really hard to avoid them.

On the other hand, there’s people who purposely walk by or hang out in places hoping to “accidently” bump into their ex. Maybe you know you’re doing this but you try to convince yourself you’re not by making up an excuse. Like, “but that coffee shop has the best coffee” or “I can’t help my dog’s favorite pooping spot is on his street.”

Not going to lie, I’ve done this. But let’s be real, you broke up for a reason and a planning bump-ins isn’t going to change that. Whether it was your decision or his, you deserve someone who loves you and can meet your needs. So maybe hanging out in other places where you can meet new types of people is a better idea.

Even if you’re not intentionally trying to see your ex, stop going to those places or spots for a while if you can. You may eventually see them, making it awkward and healing harder. Even if not, you could always be paranoid about seeing them, putting them back at the top of your mind. I theorize this is one reason my one ex is so hard to get over: I’m worried about seeing him all the time since he lives so close.

 

#6 Make a Negative List About Them

Like a pro cons list but without the pros. List the negative things about your partner that you’re excited you never need to deal with again. If you loved them, this can be difficult because writing them down can feel really mean. But look, these are your feelings and you’re allowed to have them. Just don’t show the list to anyone.

Listing all the bad things about them can make you realize that you’re actually gaining in this breakup. You may even feel excited because now you’re free to meet someone better without those traits. Every time you feel caught up in sadness, refer to this list to remind yourself of why it’s a good thing.

Things you put on your list are personal to your situation and ex-partner. Here’s a few ideas:

  • Rude
  • Bigoted beliefs
  • Low-key sexist, racist or discriminatory in any way
  • Drinks too much
  • Smokes too much
  • Hides drug use
  • Gets into arguments a lot
  • Lies about small things
  • Lies about big things
  • Untrustworthy
  • Irresponsible
  • Doesn’t help around the home
  • Fading connection
  • Doesn’t add to my personal growth
  • Can be mean sometimes
  • Likes to outsource their brain to Trump/politics/their mother
  • Insensitive
  • Doesn’t like dogs/cats
  • Would be a bad mother/father
  • Lacks empathy
  • Too bro-ey
  • Has douchey friends
  • Parents are a real drag
  • Has no goals
  • Smelly breath
  • Thinks washing their hair is overrated
  • Off/on relationship or roller-coaster emotions
  • Drags you to stupid parties or events
  • Never gets out of sweatpants, like, ever
  • Has double standards
  • Can’t be nice and honest at the same time
  • Has a questionable relationship with reality
  • Doesn’t emotionally support me

 

#7 Get Excited About You

The last thing you probably feel right now is excited. But I think we can get you there. That’s because, now that you’ve gotten rid of your ex, you have the opportunity to meet someone who actually deserves you. But you need to do some work before that happens. The next person you meet could be really amazing, so you want to be as good for them as you can.

What does that entail? Whatever you want it to. How do you want to better yourself. It could be as simple and superficial as getting a makeover. Or, it could be as complicated and meaningful as going back to school or starting therapy. Now that you have more time, you can fill that space with actions to make yourself better.

Here’s some ideas:

  • Going to the gym/working out at home
  • Picking up a new hobby
  • Taking a course on something you’ve always wanted to learn
  • Start journaling
  • Working on self-development or growth
  • Getting a new haircut
  • Reading more
  • Pamper yourself more often
  • Start that project you’ve been meaning to make time for
  • Making over your home or room
  • Go on a vacation

As you try to be better for you, you’ll begin healing from the relationship. It gives you something to do that’s positive for you. Think about who you truly want to be.

 

#8 Keep Busy

If you have all the time in the world, you’re probably going to spend it sulking over your ex. That’s why keeping busy is a good idea. Of course, as we stated above, you need to really feel your feelings first. But after that, the thoughts can begin to loop and the only way to break free is to get outside of that situation and inside another one.

Do things you like doing or try something new you’re not sure of. What you do is personal to you, but check out 104 Things to Do After a Breakup to Stop Hurting.

 

#9 Reflect on Lessons Learned

This stage doesn’t usually happen right after the breakup. But after you’ve cried a million tears and had a billion repetitive thoughts, it’s time to reflect on the relationship.

Sounds cheesy? Worried that thinking about it more will actually hurt more?

Here’s the thing: Research shows that while intrusive thoughts can be harmful, deliberate thoughts can lead to healing. That’s because when we mean to think about a breakup, we reflect on it. That reflection can lead us to post-traumatic growth. So, by taking inventory about what worked and what didn’t in the relationship, we become better people.

Ask yourself:

  • What did I need from my ex that I wasn’t getting?
  • Why did I stay so long if my needs weren’t getting met?
  • What new qualities have I learned to look for in another partner?
  • What traits did my ex have that I’d look for again?
  • If I’m being honest with myself, what could I do better?
  • What challenges do I have in relationships?
  • Through the happy times with my ex, what lessons did I learn?
  • Through the hard times with my ex, what lessons did I learn?
  • What would I do different next time?
  • What emotional scars do I have from my ex?

You can ask yourself inside your head or use these questions as journal prompts. Try to be honest with yourself without playing the blame game. Try to see the situation as something that factually happened without blaming yourself or them.

 

#10 Ask Yourself If Forgiving is Appropriate

I’m not going to put a blanket over everyone and say that everyone needs to forgive their ex. I don’t know who your ex or the situation.

But I will say that most times, forgiveness frees you, not the other person. It’s something you do for yourself and your own mental clarity.

Also, forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting and it’s not a pardon that ignores all of their wrong-doing. Forgiving is the acknowledgment of wrongdoing and hurt, while also freeing up mental space for yourself.

If you decide to forgive, it most likely won’t come right after the breakup. After all, you need to be angry or upset or sad and feel the emotion. But after the reflection process, forgiveness can be a logical next step to getting over your ex.

For example, after one of my relationships, I reflected on all the crappy things my ex done to me. But I also reflected on the stories he told me about his highly abusive childhood. I realized this is never an excuse to treat someone badly.

But I also realized that his erratic behavior was likely a product of his erratic father and he never was taught how to be otherwise. I felt bad actually. The trick is to not let this empathy overtake you. Like, don’t take them back because you realized the reason for why they are the way they are. Don’t forget their actions or excuse them. Instead, see the situation as it truly was while also trying to forgive them for it.

If you can’t bring yourself to forgive your ex, maybe reframe it. For example, instead of “forgiving them,” choose to “release the situation.”

 

#11 Get Excited About the Future

Every breakup I’ve been through, it feels like the darkest night in the world with the exception of one tiny, tiny, tiny star. That star represents the future possibilities.

If you loved your ex, future possibilities seem like they don’t matter because only your ex does. But if you made a negative list about your ex (as we suggested above), you’ll learn that they weren’t really right for you anyway. And now that you’re free of them, you have the possibility to meet someone who can truly meet your needs and make you happy in the long-run. Get excited about that. Even with nobody particular in mind, get excited about your future girlfriend or boyfriend. List the traits you want them to have. Look up hot guys or girls on Pinterest and start dreaming.

A better future goes beyond just another partner though. Maybe your ex was holding you back in your career, and now you’re free to spread your wings. Perhaps they were overly negative about your side projects, but now you can happily work on it without the complaining. Or maybe the dragged you to church every Sunday morning and you have that entire morning each week to do something fun—or just sleep. Perhaps it’s something more simple too—like never having to hear about their bro-ey gym rants or how great that lame game of golf was.

Whatever you come up with, know the opportunities are pretty much endless, so get dreaming!

how to get over your ex

how to get over your ex

how to get over your ex

28 Signs You Should End the Relationship Even if You Don’t Want To

By
YoHumanz
Signs You Should End the Relationship

Ending a relationship sucks.

And before you do it, you want to make sure it’s the right thing.

How do you know if you’re making the right or wrong decision? While every situation is different, there’s a lot of red flags you can look for to guide you.

Here, we’re counting 28 signs you should end the relationship.

 

Signs You Should End a Relationship

Signs You Should End the Relationship

Recognize these signs? Then it may be time to rethink your partner.

#1 Abuse of Any Kind

The first and foremost, 100% certain time you should end a relationship is if your partner is abusive—physically, emotionally or sexually. Even if it happens one time, the cycle of abuse predicts that it will happen again, so you should get rid of them.

If it’s not safe to leave, there are resources available where you live. See domestic abuse help in the U.S. and Canada.

 

#2 Constant Arguing

Arguing is normal sometimes in a relationship. But if you’re having large arguments every day or really explosive arguments frequently, that’s not healthy. You may try to resolve the issues but sometimes they just aren’t resolvable because you have different views. This sucks but it makes one of 2 things inevitable: the end or misery.

 

#3 Your Fundamental Morals Are Different

They say opposites attract and that’s very true. It’s nice to have someone to balance out your other qualities or skills. And, some differences aren’t so bad. Like, if your partner is someone who likes the world’s most boring sport—golf—you may have to sit through hours of white men hitting tapping tiny balls, but it’s not the worst thing in the world. However, if your partner disagrees on some important moral issues, it’s going to be hard to stay with them.

For example, say he disagrees with abortion and you disagree with men trying to historically control women’s bodies. If he can’t see the issue with that, it’s unlikely to change and it will be hard to live with. If it’s a moral issue you’re both unwilling to budge on, ask yourself if you want to live with that forever.

 

#4 When You Don’t Know Their Relationship Goal

Signs You Should End the Relationship

Not everything needs to be serious, but when you get into any sort of relationship, you should know what the other person wants out of it. For example, if you want something serious and long-term, you should know if the other person just wants some short-term dating fun.

Or, if you want a hookup, you need to be sure the other person is okay with the same thing so you don’t hurt them.

Another scenario is if you ask the person where the relationship is headed and they give you non-answers. Or, perhaps their actions are different from their words. Like, they say they are serious with you but after a year, you still haven’t met any of his friends or family.

 

#5 You Have a Gut Feeling

This is a tough one because sometimes it can be difficult to tell the difference between intuition and anxiety. But if you get a knowing in your gut that something is off about the person, it could be time to either explore that feeling or cut ties.

 

#6 You Can’t Trust Them

Let’s be clear: Sometimes, your trust issues are your problem. Nothing is more annoying than a partner who constantly accuses of cheating because your clean and carry mouth wash in your purse (yes, this happened).

Other times though, it’s because your partner is up to some sneaky behavior they aren’t being truthful about or are unwilling to change. If you’ve had discussions about it and it’s not getting better, you deserve to be able to trust someone else. You also don’t want to bruise your “trust meter” more than it already has.

Another scenario is if you trusted someone again after they cheated on you, only to find the trust couldn’t be rebuilt. Sometimes it won’t be. And again, you deserve happiness.

 

#7 They Cheated

I’m not going to say “once a cheater, always a cheater” is always true. But some of the time, people who betray your trust in such a way are more likely to do it again.

And, even if not, ask yourself if you’re willing to put the time in to rebuild that trust. The crappy thing is, even though it was their wrongdoing, the responsibility is still on you to help repair the trust bond. That sucks and it’s why you should just probably dump them. You deserve better.

 

#8 They’re an A-hole

Simple. Some people are straight up jerks. Other people have “good hearts” but they’re still an a-hole in their behavior or words. You probably can’t change that and even if you could, you can also find someone who’s a lot nicer and less abrasive.

 

#9 They Do or Don’t Want Kids

If you’re serious with someone or are looking for something long-term , you should know whether they want kids.

If they want something different than you do, you need to decide whether you’re open to that. If not, it’s unfair to ask that they change, so ending the relationship to find what you truly want is ideal.

For example, I’m pretty sure that I don’t want kids, so I need to make sure that the guys I date don’t care to have them either. Because they deserve to have what they want. And I do too.

 

#10 When It’s Moving Too Fast or Slow

Tacking off the point above, there’s probably a speed you have in mind when you think about a serious relationship.

Perhaps you want to feel it out and go slow because you want to spend time making sure it’s long-lasting and meaningful. Or maybe you’re in a hurry to speed things up because you want babies and you’re worried about your fertility.

In any case, you need to make sure your partner is on the same page. If they’re not, there’s people out there who are.

 

#11 If You Want to (or are Thinking of) Cheating

Cheating is not the right thing to do. Period.

If you’re lost feelings for your partner and it’s led you to look for excitement elsewhere, at least be honest with your partner and break up with them first. Cheating will hurt them a lot more.

If you like or love your partner and you can’t pinpoint the reason you’re thining of cheating, it could be time to take a step back too. You may want to spend some time alone thinking about what is driving that behavior. If you can’t figure it out, professional help like a counsellor is a good option. Hurt people hurt people. We can all try to end that cycle.

 

#12 They’re Rude to the Waiter

Signs You Should End the Relationship

Anyone who is rude to service staff (or sends perfectly good food back), is not a good person in my books. There’s something to be said about people who are nice to you but not nice to waiters, retail staff, cashiers, etc.

If you’ve worked in these jobs, you probably have a longer list of red flags. Like someone who orders a dish with 10 substitutions. Or someone who complains to the cashier about the price as if they own the store. Or people who snort white powder in the bathroom between beers and mysteriously turn into a raging beast.

 

#13 They Can’t Say I Love You

If it’s early in the relationship. Of course, this doesn’t apply. And, it’s also worth noting that people have different times of saying “I love you.” Some people say it the first week, months or year. However, in my opinion, if it’s been longer than a year and they can’t say the words, they have another problem that’s bigger than you.

One of my exes said that he really cared about me but he couldn’t say “I love you” because he “didn’t know if love even exists.” Big. Red. Flag. Run.

 

#14 They Don’t Contribute to the Relationship

Do you ever feel like you’re the only one putting effort into the relationship? Like it’s your job to plan dates, initiate conversations, cook dinner, do the dishes, etc.?

If you’ve asked the person to step up and they are unwilling to, it’s time to get somebody who cares more. Do you really want to live your life constantly outputting without any help? Nobody is worth that.

 

#15 They Don’t Show They Love You

Of course, actions speak louder than words. If your partner has no problem spitting out the words but can’t show it, or has a bad way of showing it, that’s not okay. You should know your partner loves you and be able to point to obvious signs that he cares and he’s in it.

Another of my exes would constantly not show up, randomly text me insults in drunken or high hazes and then insist we sweep it under the rug. Still, he had no problem saying “I love you” or “I love you so much I’d never give up on you that easy.” Still, not okay.

A lot of the times, we spend time hoping that actions will get better. Sometimes they do. But so often, they don’t and it’s healthier for us to move on.

 

#16 They Don’t Have Time for You

There’s seasons of life that are a lot busier than others where it may be hard to see each other. This can be especially true if you live a part or further away from each other.

However, if it seems like your partner never has time, you both need to look at what those priorities are. It’s okay if someone want to put work first and devote their life to it for a few years. But maybe it isn’t the right time for a relationship then. Don’t let someone make you feel bad because you want to see them. Your needs are also valid. And someone else can meet them.

Another scenario is if your partner says they don’t have time but then spend that time doing other unnecessary things.

I had one ex who said he had such a busy life that after getting off work at 3pm, he was too tired to see me even one day out of the week. He’d instead spend that time watching TV on his couch. Don’t get me wrong, it’s his right to do that. But if you’re more motivated by a TV than your gf, we’re both in the wrong relationship. Or, maybe he needs someone who is okay seeing him once every 2 weeks, despite living in the same city. Either way, it wasn’t for me.

 

#17 Your Needs Aren’t Being Met

Everyone’s needs are different.

This section doesn’t apply to people who are driving partners away by being “needy” to fill their own insecurities. However, it does apply to people being gaslighted as being needy when their needs are, in fact, valid.

Maybe you need more romance and effort in the relationship and your partner won’t try. Maybe you like deep conversations but they’re kind of a dud. Or maybe you have a higher sex drive and your partners is way lower. Or maybe you love date nights but your partner is always too busy.

In any case, if your needs aren’t met, it’s worth a conversation. If no resolution or change can be reached, you deserve to have your needs met in another relationship.

 

#18 When They Only Care About Their Own “Pleasure”

Signs You Should End the Relationship

Yep, you know exactly what I mean.

Those people who lull off to the most peaceful sleep on earth after their big hoorah while you’re stuck wide awake trying not to snuff the snores. You deserve someone who also cares about how you feel and will work with you to “get there.”

Also, if you bring up this problem and they complain, they’re also wrong. These things are uncomfortable to talk about. That doesn’t mean it’s ok for your partner to gaslight you.

 

#19 When Only the Bedroom is Working

If you want a serious relationship but the only thing going right is what happens in the bedroom, it’s time to rethink it. If you don’t like their personality or have anything in common or aren’t particularly attracted to them, the lust won’t last forever. And, even if it does, will just that fulfill you forever?

 

#20 The Relationship Hasn’t Added to Your Life

You can’t expect a relationship to transform your life or make you happy. However, you should expect it to add positive elements to your life.

Sometimes it’s superficial, like enjoying their company and having a partner to do your hobbies with.

Other times, the benefits are deeper, like growing together or your partner teaching you about yourself over time.

If you don’t feel any of these things though, the relationship may fall flat or be too dull. In this case, ask yourself, are you just in a relationship to be in one? Or are you staying to prevent the other person from getting hurt?

 

#21 If Your Partner Doesn’t Care to Succeed

Success looks different for everyone as do the goals to get there. Being rich doesn’t have to mean success. It could simply mean earning a living to contribute to the family.

But if your partner doesn’t seem to care about anything that even hints “responsibility,” it’s probably time for a change.

Of course, partners who are actively working through mental health issues or are trying to succeed, but failing, don’t count. We’re talking about people who would rather you succeed for them while they put no effort.

 

#22 They Don’t Respect You

If you feel like your partner is disrespecting you, it’s time to cut ties. Whether they put you down, downplay your accomplishments, or any other form of trying to make you feel less, they’re not worth your time.

Sometimes, we try to have discussions with people and their behavior in hopes that it will change. While many behaviors can and do change in relationships, disrespect is something fundamental that most people should already have.

 

#23 It’s a Rollercoaster

Just typing this sends me back to all the rollercoasters I’ve been on and they all have one thing in common: They suck SO bad and they had no chances of working.

If you’re in a constant state of worry or anxiety about your partner or the state of the relationship, that’s unhealthy. I’ve yet to learn of an off and on relationship that’s become stable over the years. If there is one, chances are at least one party is unhappy.

Whether it’s because of constant arguments or their erratic behavior, it’s time to jump off the ride. The tumble off will be rough but it’s a lot better than the treacherous train and inevitable crash.

 

#24 They Can’t Sit With You Through Hard Times

Everyone has bad days or situations they’re going through that make them sad or depressed. A good partner should be able to sit with you through those emotions, even if they can’t help you feel better.

You don’t need a partner that uses toxic positivity, downplays your feelings, assumes you should just “snap out of it,” or any other form of making you feel worse.

I should say that this annoying trait can be present in anyone, but most commonly in men since they tend to think of themselves as “fixers” who can fix issues. It’s more difficult to find men who are comfortable enough with their own emotions to sit with you through yours. But they’re worth it. And so are you.

 

#25 When You Can’t Get to Know Them

If it’s early in the relationship, you’re still learning about your partner. Actually, you’re always probably still learning about your partner and even more so as you both change together.

However, if it’s been a long time and you still feel like you can’t get a grasp on who they are, that can be a red flag. Maybe it’s that the person has a hard time opening up. Or maybe it means they’re not that invested.

Whatever the cause, if they’re unwilling to change, you should be willing to leave.

 

#26 When They’ve Made You a Worse Person

Many times, relationships make us into better people because we learn about ourselves and how to compromise.

Other times though, the opposite is true. We may pick up someone’s bad habits or just become a ruder person in general.

If this is the case, ask yourself if your partner has contributed to these negative changes. In the end, yes, they are your actions and you can’t blame anyone else. However, the saying “you are your 5 closest friends (or boyfriends” has some merit. We tend to be influenced by the people around us, after all.

 

#27 When You Can’t See Yourself With Them Forever

Of course, if you’re looking for a short fling or just hookups, that’s a different story. But if you’re in a committed relationship and you can’t envision yourself staying with them, what’s the point?

If you already know it won’t work or you’ve grown apart, you’re only moving the breakup down the line. That’s actually hurting you and the other person more in the long run.

 

#28 There’s No Connection Anymore

The most simple, yet often painful, reason to breakup is because there’s no spark anymore. It’s hard to tell someone you fell out of love or that there’s no connection.

But if that’s how you feel, keeping it to yourself only makes the situation worse: The other person grows more attached with time and you waste time you could be happy (and time they could be truly happy too). Set the other person free to find their person. And, set yourself free too.

 

43 Magical Halloween + Fall Date Ideas for Couples [At Home + Out]

By
YoHumanz

fall date ideas

There’s a certain magic in the air as soon as fall comes around.

Maybe it’s the smell of warm cinnamon and vanilla.

Maybe it’s the cozy blankets.

… Or maybe it’s actual magic 🙂

In any case, we often look for more ways to bring the fall vibe into our lives. One thing you can do is incorporate the magic of the season into your dates for some added romance.

In this post, we’re sharing 43 magical fall date ideas you can do at home or out in the world.

43 Fall Date Ideas At Home + Outside 

fall date ideas

If you love the autumn season, you’re going to love these fall date ideas.

#1 Bake a Fall Dessert

Even if your partner doesn’t like baking or cooking, I find it’s always fun to do together! You work together for a common goal and then you get to share the fruits of your labor. There’s tons of fall dessert recipes to choose from: Apples, pumpkins, caramel and more. Here’s more than 75 ideas to get you started.

#2 Hay Ride

Google if any places close to you offer hayrides. If you’re not sure what that is, it’s when a wage or cart is pulled by a tractor, truck or horse. You’ll be seated on hay or straw, perfect for fall aesthetic, and tour through the field. Wear your plaid and pack a checkered blanket and you’re good to go!

#3 Find a Local Festival

Many towns have festivals and fairs during the fall season. It gives farmers the perfect opportunity to sell off all their crop before the season ends. And, it gives you and your partner a great chance to bask in everything fall. Whether it’s a craft fair, one with rides or ones for food lovers—there’s probably at least a few coming up near you.

#4 Pumpkin Carving

You knew you’d see pumpkin carving on this list. Even if you don’t think picking out “pumpkin guts” is romantic, I think there’s something magical about talking while you’re both creating something. If you’re competitive, you can challenge each other to who can carve the best pumpkin.

#5 Outdoor Scary Movie Festival

If you have a backyard or even a balcony, dress up the space with fall décor. Make it super cozy by adding lots of blankets and pillows and fairy lights. Then, either set up a projector or laptop where you and your partner can watch some scary movies. Oh, don’t forget the snacks, either!

#6 Pumpkin Patch Wandering

What screams fall date idea more than a pumpkin patch? Find a location close to you and take your partner out to find only the finest of pumpkins. What you do with it is up to you—decorate, carve, eat, etc.!

#7 Go for a Drive

Drives can be particularly fun in the fall because you don’t need to blare the AC and the scenes can be beautiful. With the freshly fallen leaves scattered on the ground and the bare trees revealing glorious views, it’s a great time to go cruising. We recommend asking around to see which streets/areas look the most pretty during fall.

#8 Hot Air Balloon Ride

Hot air balloon rides are one of the more expensive options on this fall date idea list. But it’s worth it! Sailing above during autumn means seeing green, orange, red, brown leaves beautifying the skyline.

 #9 Play Bartender

Purchase a whole bunch of fall-themed mixers (think apple, pumpkin and caramel flavors). Then, buy some liquor and fall-flavored liqueurs. Set up a makeshift bar at home and design your own fall cocktails! When you agree on a favorite, you can name it your signature couple cocktail!

#10 Go for a Hike

Near Halloween is a great time to go hiking because it’s not too hot and the views can be amazing when all the leaves fall. Pack a lunch, some drinks and take your partner on a new hiking trail for the afternoon.

#11 Video Game Competition

If you and your partner like video games, why not make a day or night out of it? Line the living room with everything cozy, from blankets to lights to warm drinks and snacks. Then, challenge each other to a set of games. Whoever wins the most is the winner of the night!

#12 Visit a Winery

Whether or not you and your partner are a wine snob, wine tastings can be so fun to attend. One year, I went to Niagara on the Lake and did a few wine tastings. I was skeptical because my wine knowledge is nothing compared to connoisseurs. Still, I learned a lot, had a lot of fun and got a pretty nice buzz too. Remember: Have a sober ride between tasting locations!

#13 Make a Scarecrow Together

If you like making things but you’re not particularly talented, scarecrows can be a great activity! They don’t need to look good and quite frankly, it’s better if they don’t because it makes them scarier. Of course, if you have a garden and need to scare away the birds, you can use it there. But, if not, you can keep it on your front lawn to scare away those… pesky Jehovah’s Witness door-knockers?

#14 Make Mulled Wine

fall date ideas

If you love autumn, drinking, creativity and being with your partner, combine all 4 by making a mulled wine. It’s typically made by heating wine with other flavors over a stove until they are fully melded. There’s plenty options to choose from but here’s a mulled wine recipe to get you started.

#15 Visit a Small Town

If you live in a big city, take a weekend day and go out for a drive to a small town. Often, small town has prettier views of fallen leaves. Many also have small, cozy festivals during this time, too!

#16 Graveyard Walk

If you and your partner like things others would consider morbid, go for a walk in a graveyard. It can be interesting to read all of the names and sayings on the hedge stones. You can also bring some flowers and leave them on stones you’re drawn to.

#17 Stargaze

If you don’t want to commit to a night of camping but love starry skies, you’ll love this date idea. Bring a heavy, comfy blanket to lay down in a park while you and your partner gaze up into the sky. Make it even more special by bringing along a thermos of your favorite hot drink.

#18 Re-Enact Friends’ Football Scene

Remember the episode on friends where they all play Thanksgiving football and get super competitive? If you want to add a little competition into your relationship, invite a few friends along and make your own game.

#19 Make a Blanket Fort

Blanket forts aren’t just for children—they’re for adults during fall and especially during the pandemic season. To make it cozier, add a few fairy lights inside and around. Then, go inside and cuddle! 

#20 Have a Fall Photoshoot

fall date ideas

If you’re big on the Instagram #couplegoals photos, the season wouldn’t be complete without a photo shoot. Whether you’re taking them yourselves with a tripod or having a friend help out, choose an outdoor background that either screams “cozy fall” or “spooky Halloween.”

#21 Haunted House

If you’re up for something spooky or want an opportunity to cuddle in closer, go to a haunted house! Many locations have popup houses close to Halloween.

#22 Have a Romantic Fall Fondue

After a hot summer of fresh veggies and salads, a nice, hearty fondu can hit the spot. Get a fondue set and melt some chocolate. Then, dip in whatever fresh fruit or goodies your partner loves. You could also do it with cheese for a more savory feast.

#23 Try an Ouija Board

Ouija boards are a fun and spooky activity to try during fall and can make a great Halloween date idea. Keep in mind that, in my opinion, you should always pay respect to the board and not treat it as a game. That means saying opening and closing prayers and respecting the spirit if it moves to “goodbye.” Maybe you don’t believe that spirit is actually moving the planchette and you think it’s all fake. Still, do you really want to test it? I don’t!

#24 Take a Cooking Class

If there’s one time to learn cooking, it’s before Thanksgiving and Christmas season! But even though it may not make you a MasterChef in one class, it can still be loads of fun! Maybe it gives your partner a chance to show off their skills. Or, maybe it will be a good chuckle when you see how clumsy they are! Either way, it can be a good way to get out while staying indoors. Many cooking classes have resumed during COVID-19, just be sure they’re taking proper precautions!

#25 Visit a Cider Brewery

Ciders are like beer only they’re made from apples—fall’s favorite fruit! Visit a local brewery that also makes ciders and sample all the new flavors they have this season.

#26 Plan Couple’s Costumes

Take a night out to plan what you and your partner want to be for Halloween. With the pandemic, your plans may look a little different this year. But, in any case, even if it’s at home or with a few “pod friends” showing off your costume can be fun. Take the time to research which couples’ costumes appeal to you both.

#27 Go to a Farmer’s Market

Discover what’s in season by checking out your local farmer’s market. Depending on where you live, they may be selling their last veggies of the season before going into a cold winter. Take advantage of the last local, fresh crops your farmer has to offer.

#28 Portage Adventure

Canoeing is great in the summer, but the views can be even prettier in the fall with all the leaves. Take a weekend to go on a portage trip down a nice river or lake.

#29 Have a Bonfire

Whether it’s your backyard or an outdoor space you can use to start a fire, they’re perfect near Halloween season. If your partner plays guitar, even better! If not, you can always prepare some ghost stories to tell, making one of the most perfect Halloween date ideas.

#30 Go Apple Picking

Maybe there’s a field near you that’s open to the public to pick apples. Or, maybe you just know a secret location where trees happen to be. Take your partner and pick a bunch. If you’re up to it, make an apple pie together when you get home 🙂 If you’re too lazy, why not use them to make an apple cocktail.

#31 Visit a Waterfall

If hiking is not your thing but you still love beautiful views, search up areas near you with waterfalls and plan a walk to them. The fall vibes make waterfalls just as beautiful in the autumn season.

#32 Do a Corn/Hay Maze

I remember doing a hay maze when I was really young and I hated it. But if that’s your thing, why not try it again? Perfect for partners who aren’t directionally challenged.

#33 Forest Walk

fall date ideas

Maybe the most simple and free on this list, walking through a forest with freshly fallen leaves is always a great activity. It’s perfect for handholding and having deep conversations and getting closer while taking in the crisp autumn air.

#34 Go Horseback Riding

If there’s a ranch near you, see if they offer horse rides. It can be the perfect chance to wrap your arms around your partner and snuggle in close while also enjoying the views along the ride.

#35 Drive-In Theatre

Drive-in theatres can be a good idea all year ’round; but there’s something particularly special about them during fall. You can curl up to a scary movie and use it as an excuse to get closer. If you live in a cool climate, your drive-in may be showing its last movies of the year before it closes for winter. Plus, during COVID-19, it’s a better idea to avoid real theatres anyway. And, if everything goes well, you can always expand the date with a trip to lover’s lane 😉

#36 Go Coffee Shop Hopping

Skip Starbucks and see what the other independent coffee shops in your area have to offer. During this time of year, they often add fun new items to the menu. Of course, your favorite pumpkin spiced latte is usually available, but many go a step further than Starbucks in terms of creativity. Start with one shop and pick a drink. Then, walk to the next location and try another.

#37 Take a Paint Class

I went to a painting class with my friend once and it seems like such a fun thing to do with a partner. In fact, the couple there was laughing at each other and having a ball while making masterpieces 🙂 When you sign up for one online, they usually tell you which painting you’ll be working on. During this time, many of the paintings are Halloween related, making it one of the best fall date ideas. If you don’t want to go out, you can always follow and online painting tutorial.

 

#38 Go on a Ghost Tour

Many cities offer low cost walking ghost tours that highlight the spooky history of historic buildings. They’re perfect for handholding and snuggling in close.

#39 Fall Date Idea Picnic

Who says picnics are just for summer? Not me. Having a picnic in the fall allows for a different set of food and décor too. Switch up your summer sandwiches for a hot soup served in a thermos with some delicious crusty bread. Instead of sangria, you can pick a hot drink, like apple cider, hot toddy or hot chocolate. If it’s still hot where you live, go for a cold apple drink, like a cider. Make sure to pack tons of comfortable blankets!

#40 Rent a Cabin

What says fall more than a cozy cabin on a crisp fall day? Rent a small cabin out of town for the weekend and stay indoors with your partner cuddling, cooking, talking, bonding and whatever else 🙂

#41 Self-Led Dance Class: Halloween Date Ideas at Home

You could go to an actual dance class, but many may not be open yet because of the pandemic. Still, you can pull up a dance class of whatever you want to learn on YouTube. Then, clear some space, put on some music, maybe have a few drinks, and get practicing! With the weather cooled down, you’ll break less of a sweat than normal. And, if you learn something, you can always show off at your upcoming holiday parties!

#42 Play a Board Game

Board games can seem boring. But what about playing them in a cozy living room filled with blankets, fairy lights, snacks and adult beverages? Now it seems a little more fun, right? Set the scene and check your local thrift store for some new games to try out.

#43 Go Camping

If it’s still warm enough where you live, consider going for a weekend camping trip. During COVID-19, it’s a great way to get away without getting close to other people. And, since it’s just the 2 of you, it’s the perfect bonding opportunity.

 

Summary of Halloween Date Ideas At Home

fall date ideas

Whether you love spooky vibes or more cozy ones, Halloween is a great season to try some different things with your partner. We’ve included ideas appropriate for the pandemic. Some you can do some the comfort of your home, while others get you out and enjoying that fresh, crisp, autumn air.

Halloween Samhain Tarot Spread: 5 Layouts for Personal Ghosts + Goodies

By
YoHumanz

Halloween Tarot Spread

You may practice tarot all year long. But it seems especially special in Halloween season.

Maybe it’s the vibes everyone is giving off.

Maybe it’s the spooktacular inspiration everywhere.

Or maybe the veil between this world and others really is thinner this time of year.

In any case, fall season is a great time to try a Halloween tarot spread.

In this post, we’re giving you a quick primer of what tarot is and why you’d want to do a reading for Halloween or Samhain. Then, we’re showing you 5 magical Halloween tarot spreads you can use to gain a better hold of your upcoming year.

 

What is Tarot?

Tarot is a pack of cards originally used for playing, but now used as a divination tool. People who use them say it helps them tell or gain insight about the future, themselves and the world around them. Tarot cards can also be used in readings to help the reader learn about the querent. Sometimes, you may use the cards when you have a specific question, such as about your love life. Or, you can use them for general messages.

There are 78 cards in each deck, which are broken up into 2 categories: The major arcana and the minor arcana. Each card has a different meaning. Some readers also read a different meaning when the card is reversed. The card meanings combined with where they are in the spread and your intuition tell a story.

Since there are so many cards, tarot takes a long time to “completely” learn. However, as with any divination tool, there’s probably no real end to the learning since you learn more and more as you go.

If you’ve never read them before and you want to do a Halloween tarot spread, you may want to spend some time getting to know the cards first. This way, you can work off of the written meanings while also adding in some of your own intuition. Of course, as you do a Samhain tarot spread, unless you know the cards off-by-heart, it will be helpful to have a guidebook beside you. Many tarot teachers suggest you use your intuition to guess the meaning of the card first. Then, you can check what your book says.

 

Why a Halloween Tarot Spread

There’s a few reasons you may want to try out a Halloween tarot spread.

  • Samhain New Year— Many people who love tarot do readings on New Years. This is because it can help you see the past while also seeing future opportunities and prepare for the upcoming challenges. Halloween, or Samhain, is actually called the Pagan New Year. So, many people do readings on Samhain the same way they would on New Year’s Eve or day.
  • Samhain Celebration— As we mentioned, people who are Pagan celebrate Samhain/Halloween on a less superficial level. They may participate in Samhain dinners with friends and rituals. Tarot is another idea to add to that list.
  • Celebrate Halloween— Some people have a connection to Halloween and want to honor it by spending the evening doing magical activities. Tarot is a fun one to try.
  • Messages from Those Passed— Many people believe that the veil between earth and the other words are thinner are Halloween. This makes it easier to communicate with loved ones passed on, they say. Depending on the Halloween tarot spread you use, you may also receive messages from those on the other side.

 

How To Do a Samhain Tarot Spread

So you’ve got your cards ready and you’ve chosen a Halloween tarot spread (suggestions below).

What next?

#1 Meditation

Many people recommend meditating before a tarot session. This is because it can help clear your mind, leaving it free and open for intuition to flow through. If you don’t like meditating, you can simply take a few deep, cleansing breaths.

#2 Set the Stage

Many times, people love to create an atmosphere that is conducive to intuition. This can include setting up an altar, bringing out crystals, etc.

#3 Protection Prayer

After that, you’ll want to say a prayer for protection. If the word “prayer” turns you off because you relate it to religion and you’re not religious, you can choose a different word for it. The intention behind this is to protect yourself and your cards from less-than-ideal energies.

You see, when we open ourselves up to other realms, there’s also a potential for negative energies to come through. These can rob your energy but also lead you to confusing tarot results that may not reflect your question. To prevent this, simply say a prayer. You can address this to God, Goddesses, the Universe, your spirit guides, your angels or your higher self. Intention is what matters here. For example:

“Angels, spirit guides, the Universe, thanks so much for being with me and continuing to be with me for this reading. Please help me with protection, clarity, accuracy, understanding, focus and calm. Thank you/amen.” 

#4 Knock on the Deck

There’s a few things readers do to “clear” previous energies from their deck. They may shuffle in a different way before shuffling completely, for example. My favorite though is to knock on the deck three times. To me, it symbolizes pushing stale energy out, making it a clear slate for the new reading.

#5 Shuffle Cards

Now, you’re ready to get started. Thinking of your question or intention for the reading (even for general insight), shuffle the cards. Again, different readers have different ways of shuffling. Some cut the deck in 3 parts and others shuffle the whole thing. Stop when your intuition tells you the deck is clear or ready. After you’re done, keep the deck face down.

#6 Lay Out the Cards

Next, take a look at your Halloween tarot spread placements. Then, starting with the top card, place the cards into the pattern your spread dictates.

#7 Samhain Tarot Reading

When it comes to reading your Halloween tarot spread, first take a look at the overall layout to see if you notice any patterns. If you’re not familiar with the cards, this may take looking at your guidebook. However, it’s always a good idea to use your intuition before checking on the “official” meanings. After, you can reading the meanings.

Most tarot card decks come with a guidebook you can use. But if you don’t have one or lost yours, you can always Google the card online and read varying meanings people suggest. Another way is to download a tarot app that will quickly give you the written explanations.

After you’ve gotten your individual meanings, remember to go back and look at the layout as a whole. See what kind of story it tells from a birds-eye view.

#8 Close-Out Tarot Ritual

After you’re finished, try a close-out ritual. Although some people don’t do this, most readers do because it’s a way to thank your God/Universe/Higher Self and build a relationship with the cards. You can build your own ritual by saying a prayer, knocking or shuffling the cards to “clear” the energy, taking a few deep breaths, etc.

 

5 Halloween Samhain Tarot Spreads

Now that you know the very basics of how to set up and read your Samhain tarot spread, let’s actually get into the options.

Use your intuition to decide which layout would be best for you or the friend you’re reading for.

#1 Messages from Other Worlds

Halloween Tarot Spread

This is a good Halloween tarot spread to use if you want to connect with other worlds and receive their individual wisdoms for you.

Card #1: A message from your higher self

Card #2: A message from your angels

Card #3: A message from your spirit guides

Card #4: A message from a loved one/ancestors passed on

 

#2 Ghosts of Every Tense

Halloween Tarot Spread

Halloween is a great time to get all those ghosts out, literally and, in this case, metaphorically. This spread helps you identify the challenges you’re having/will have that you’re not being completely honest with yourself about. Shedding light on these can allow you to gain insight to move past time.

Card #1: Ghosts in the past you’ve released

Card #2: Ghosts in the future to consider releasing

Card #3: Future ghosts you’ll need to work on

 

#3 Witches Broom Halloween Tarot Spread

Halloween Tarot Spread

Just like a witches broom sweeps up all the dust to make a clear path, so will this spread. The cards at the bottom represent issues or challenges you’re currently trying to work through. The 2 cards at the top making up the “handle” give you hints on how to work through those situations.

Card #1: A current challenge in your love life

Card #2: A current challenge in your career life

Card #3: A current challenge in your health: physical or emotional

Card #4: Barriers to moving forward on these challenges

Card #5: Advice on “getting the ball rolling” for any of these challenges

 

#4 Bag of Candy

Halloween Tarot Spread

On Halloween night after trick or treating, you get home and peer inside your humongous bag of goodies. What good things did you get this year? This tarot spread answers exactly that.

Card #1: Something good that happened in the past.

Card #2: Something good that’s happening now.

Card #3: Something good that will happen in the future.

Card #4: Barriers that could stop these “goods” from flowing in.

Card #5: Insight on overcoming the barrier to receive the goods.

 

#5 Black Cat Samhain Tarot Spread

Halloween Tarot Spread

Some people believe black cats are s symbol of bad luck, even an omen of misfortune or death if one happens to cross your path. In reality though, they’re are like any other housecat—sweet and cuddly, full of love for their kitten parent. Just like a black cat, the way the world sees you and the way you see yourself may not line up with who you actually are. This spread helps explore that idea to discover ways you can take off your own costume.

Card #1: How you try to present yourself to the world

Card #2: How the world/others actually see you

Card #3: How those close to you see you

Card #4: How you see yourself

Card #5: The essence of who you actually are

Card #6: How you can free yourself to be truly you

 

Summary of Samhain Tarot Spread

Halloween night or autumn season can be a great time to do a fall or Samhain tarot spread. Whether you see Halloween as your New Year, an opportunity to connect with the other side, or just a night to be celebrated, a tarot spread can be a great activity to add. Using your intuition alongside the meanings of the cards and their placements can help you gain insight about yourself and your world.

Halloween Tarot SpreadHalloween Tarot Spread Halloween Tarot Spread

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