Chasing love can be exciting but it’s also usually hurtful.
We can put in 100% to make someone like us and sometimes, it really works. But other times, we don’t think they like us at all. This sets us on a roller coaster of emotions.
This pattern continues but the answer doesn’t become anymore clear: why don’t they like us more? We’re trying so hard.
What Chasing Love Looks Like
When we first meet someone, we will probably chase each other. This means we both like each other, what to impress each other and are putting in effort. This is a natural and healthy process.
When we chase love, we feel like we’re constantly on the hunt for another person. It’s more of a one-sided effort and it’s hard to know where we stand. This is not a healthy start to a relationship.
We might keep trying and putting in effort and having it not met back. In response, we keep putting more time and effort in, hoping that it will eventually be reciprocated.
This might be a specific person you keep being drawn to. For example, an ex that you keep around in an on and off relationship hoping it will permanently change. Or, this could be a dating pattern for you. Maybe you frequently find yourself with unavailable men who it feels like you have to ask for love.
Unfortunately, chasing love rarely leads to love. It usually just leadings to a cycle of putting in time and effort to no avail.
Are You Chasing Love?
If you think you’re chasing love and aren’t sure what to do, read the tips below.
Know Some People Suck
We’re listing ways you can take control of the situation and stop chasing love. These are meant to empower you to move onto something better that you deserve.
However, you shouldn’t feel at blame that others aren’t reciprocating your love. While you can ask yourself if you’re choosing the wrong people, ultimately we have to accept that some people suck. Some partners will try to manipulate us, play us and are just in it for the chase. That’s not our fault.
Ask Who We’re Choosing
If you constantly feel like you’re chasing a partner, it might be helpful to ask yourself which types of partners you’re choosing. And why?
For example, maybe you’re always choosing emotionally unavailable men because they feel like home; your parents were that way too. Or maybe, deep down, the thought of being in a long term relationship scares you, so you choose relationships with expiry dates.
Of course, this isn’t always the case (refer to the section above). But looking at why or how our patterns developed can help use choose people who are better suited to us.
Let Old Wounds Heal
Sometimes we continuously chase love to avoid being stagnant in the pain of another love. For example, we break up with an ex and immediately start searching for the next person. We don’t give ourselves time to process the pain. Instead, we try to numb with and fill that hole with love from someone else.
This can lead to an unhealthy cycle of chasing love. Instead of waiting for a healthy relationship, we might jump into another just to fix the void.
If you can relate, force yourself to be single for a bit and deal with your emotions. Take time to feel your feelings and heal.
Try Not To Take It Personally
When we’re chasing someone and the feelings or effort isn’t reciprocated, it can hurt a lot. It feels like something is wrong with you or that you’re not good enough. But that’s not true.
The truth is that not everyone is for you, and you’re not for everyone. All this situation reflects is that you have a better match available somewhere.
Let Them Go
Chasing someone and getting no results is a tough blow to our ego. Sometimes, this can lead us to chase more though. Maybe it will eventually change, you think. Maybe if you just try harder.
Unfortunately, this usually isn’t the case. If nothing has changed this far, it’s unlikely it will. Ending this situationship could save yourself heartbreak and open yourself up to better opportunities.
Have a Healthy Relationship Goal
Instead of having the goal for someone to like you, have the goal to have a healthy relationship.
One-sided effort and chasing isn’t a trait of a healthy relationship. Actually, it can be a trait of a toxic one that makes you feel like you’re on a rollercoaster.
When we have the goal of a healthy relationship, we know that chasing someone is a red flag. Whether they like us or not is irrelevant because our #1 goal isn’t being met.
Know You Deserve Love
“Stay away from people who make you feel you’re hard to love.”
It’s a popular quote and good advice. We should be with someone who makes us feel loved. Even in the angry moments, it doesn’t feel like we’re chasing someone. Instead, it feels like we’re on a team where we both put effort to love each other.
Brainstorm Better Options
Look, how you feel isn’t a nice feeling, right? It’s not fun to chase someone and not feel loved back.
What you need to consider is that better is available to you, even if not right this moment. You can be in a relationship that doesn’t feel like this. You can be with someone who makes you feel loved easily. If you can’t stop chasing someone, take a moment to brainstorm you better options. How much more loved, happy and stable will you feel?