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5 Card Tarot Spreads for Relationships, Life, Change

By
YoHumanz

Want to gain insight into specific areas of your life? Or general ones?

Using tarot spreads can help us look at situations from a different perspective. This can help us understand blocks or how we may improve.

In particular, 5 card tarot spreads are versatile and easy to do when you’d like a little extra guidance.

The layouts in this post help you better understand your relationships, transitions and life in general.

5 Card Tarot Spreads

5 card tarot spreads are ideal whether you’re a beginner who wants something simple or whether you’re a seasoned reader who wants the gist within a few cards.

Before jumping in, remember to say your intention or prayer for protection for the reading 🙂

Life In 5   

5 card tarot spreads

This 5 card tarot spread gives you a snapshot of your life in a basic layout. It’s a great one to use if you what an overview of your life and don’t have any specific questions in mind.

The first card represents your love life and relationships. The second card helps you better understand the state of your current family and friend relationships. These are the non-romantic partnerships closest to you. The third card represents how your work life is going. The fourth card helps you narrow in on what aspect of your life might be a priority. This can help you understand what should be the focus right now. The last card helps you explore that further, giving you insight into ways you can prioritize or improve that aspect of your life.

  1. Represents your current love life and relationships
  2. Represents your current family/friends life and relationships
  3. Represents your current work/school life
  4. A situation or aspect of your life to focus on or prioritize right now
  5. More insight into how to improve or prioritize that situation or aspect of life

 

Toxic Relationship Spread

5 card tarot spreads

This toxic relationship tarot spread helps you look at your partnership a little differently. Whether it’s something you can repair, or whether it’s something you might consider leaving, it will give you some new ideas to think about.

In this 5 card tarot spread, the first card represents the current state of the toxic relationship in question. This is the general feeling or theme. The second card unveils relationship patterns. You may or may not be aware of these. The third card represents you in the relationship. This could be your feelings, the role you’re playing or what you’re experiencing. The fourth card represents your partner. This could be their feelings or the role they’re playing to make the relationship toxic. The last card represents how to break free from the toxic relationship patterns. Sometimes, this can be a change in behavior by either partner. However, sometimes relationships cannot be repaired and the cards may indicate that too. Try to honestly consider the perceptive the cards offer. Is the relationship healthy? Try to have self-compassion if the cards inside a possible cutting of ties.

  1. Current state of relationship
  2. Represents relationship patterns
  3. Represents you in the relationship
  4. Represents the other person in the relationship
  5. How to break free from the patterns in the relationship or how to break free from the relationship entirely

 

Improve A Relationship: 5 Card Tarot Spreads

5 card tarot spreads

This is a great and simple 5 card spread for insight into how to improve a relationship. That could be a boyfriend, girlfriend, marriage, friendship, co-worker or family member. Hold the intention of the relationship in mind as you shuffle and layout the cards.

The 5 card in this 5 card spread represents the current state of the relationship in question. The second card helps you delve into blocks you may be experiencing. You may or may not be conscious of these. The third gives you some answers on what you could do to help the relationship overcome these blockages. However, not everything in a relationship is in your control. It always takes two people. That’s why the fourth card represents factors that are outside of your control. These are things to be aware of and try to have grace to accept. The last card is meant to help you gain insight on the relationship as a whole. It gives you a new lens to consider or explore the partnership through.

  1. Current state of relationship
  2. Blocks you may be experiencing in the relationship
  3. Insight on how to overcome those blocks
  4. Insight into potential external factors outside of your control
  5. A new perspective or lens to look at the relationship through

 

Bat Tarot Spread

5 card tarot spreads

Bats represent the old and transitioning onto a new and better part of life. As such, this 5 card tarot spread represents a transition in your life. Before laying out the cards, choose an intention. This could be a transition into a new time in life, or you could ask about the change of a specific situation.

The first card represents your life or situation at this point in time. With this situation in mind, the second card presents what you went through in the past regarding it. The third card will help you unlock lessons you may or may not be aware you learned. Then, shift to the right side of the bat’s wings. The fourth card represents how your life or this situation may play out in the future. The last card hints at lessons you might learn in the future.

  1. Represents where you’re at in your life or situation now
  2. Represents your life or situation past
  3. Represents lesson you’ve learned in the past
  4. Represents your life or situation in the future
  5. Represents lessons you’ll learn from this time in life or situation

For more Fall or Halloween-themed layouts, read Samhain Tarot Spreads: 5 Layouts For Personal Ghosts + Goodies

 

Summary: 5 Card Tarot Spreads

5 card tarot spreads are versatile for beginners or seasoned readers. Use the layouts above when you need guidance on relationships, transitions and life in general.

90 Affirmations of Self Love: Phrases to Feel More Confident Today

By
YoHumanz
Affirmations of Self Love

Could repeating that you love yourself… actually make you love yourself?

That’s the main belief behind practicing affirmations.

Affirmations are positive short phrases you repeat as often as you’d like. The idea is that by saying something is true, you’ll program your mind to make it true.

On a more simple level, you may just become for familiar with a concept. For example, if you’re not used to loving yourself, repeating affirmations could help normalize it. While saying “I love myself” might be awkward at first, in time, it could help you grow more confident.

Although affirmations of self-love work for some people, they aren’t useful for everyone.

If you’re interested in trying affirmations on confidence and self-esteem, keep reading.

 

What Are Affirmations of Self Love?

Affirmations are short phrases used to inspire a positive change. People use affirmations for self-love, money, manifesting, and more. You can choose one affirmation or several.

Once you have your affirmation, you can repeat it with the goal of “programming” it into your mind. You can practice these statements in a number of ways:

  • Writing it repeatedly
  • Saying it out loud
  • Saying it in your head
  • Displaying it somewhere you pass by frequently, like a fridge, mirror, phone wallpaper, etc.

If the affirmation works, it should help you believe or achieve your goal. For example, when using affirmations of self-love, you may develop more self-esteem. If you’re using affirmations to attract money, hopefully, you will attract opportunities for some extra cash.

Some research has shown that affirmations can:

  • Change how the body physically responds to stress
  • Improve problem-solving skills in chronically stressed people
  • Impact stress, anxiety, and depression levels of cardiovascular patients

Affirmations are used as a spiritual tool to help you “manifest” a goal. They’re recommended by some self-help writers as a psychological trick. However, they’re not a replacement for any expert advice or care, such as a psychologist. You should also know that the research on affirmations is mixed. As we’ll discuss below, affirmations on confidence work for some people, but not everyone.

 

Do Affirmations of Self Love Work?

Although many people use affirmations, they don’t work for everyone. If you want to try them, evaluate whether they work for you. If they don’t, that’s a normal experience too.

In A Liberated Mind, psychology professor Steven Hayes explains that affirmations don’t work when we’re most desperate for them. For example, if we’re feeling bad about ourselves, a positive statement could feel so fake that it makes us feel worse. For these people, affirmations would have the opposite effect they intended. On the other hand, if you’re already feeling good about yourself, affirmations could make you feel even better.

This was shown to be the case in a 2009 study. People with high self-esteem felt better after self-statements, but only to a limited degree. However, the statements backfired for those with low self-esteem.

The lesson we can learn from this research is this: Use affirmations of self-love when you’re already feeling good about yourself. If you want to try anyway, try to at least choose affirmations on confidence that feel right and relatable to you. And, positive statements don’t make you feel better, it’s okay to stop using them.

If you’re struggling with self-esteem, you should know that there’s evidence-based solutions to help you. To get started, you may consider seeing a therapist or counselor, who can develop a plan for you. Research has also shown that self-compassion exercises and targeting negative self-talk can help you feel better about yourself and your life.

 

How to Use Affirmations on Confidence and Self Love

Before using affirmations, first decide if they’re even right for you. If you’re feeling really bad, it might be better to wait until you mood rises to use affirmations. As the research shows, affirmations can backfire when we’re already feeling bad about a topic. Instead, use these positive statements to amp up when you’re already feeling good.

Based on research, we also know that we should choose affirmations of self-love carefully. It’s better to choose statements that we believe in or at least somewhat believe in. If our positive statement seems too far out of reach, you might feel ridiculous saying it, and end up feeling worse.

Use the affirmations of self-love in the section below for ideas. You can also edit these affirmations so they suit you. You can choose one affirmation or a few.

Once you have your affirmations selected, repeat it as often as you’d like. That could be a few times a day or a few times a week. If you want to make it a habit, pair it with another activity. For example, perhaps you say your affirmations every day when you wake up.

 

Affirmations of Self Love

affirmations of self love

Customize these affirmations on confidence and self-love by editing or combining them.

  1. I love myself
  2. I’m really okay with myself
  3. I believe in myself
  4. I trust in my abilities
  5. I trust my intuition
  6. I have the ability to do great things
  7. My work is valuable
  8. My work makes a different
  9. I am smart
  10. I am capable of what comes my way
  11. I deserve to be here
  12. I am beautiful
  13. I am worthy of what I desire
  14. I am blessed
  15. I am enough
  16. I’m confident in my decisions
  17. Each day, I get better
  18. I am doing my best
  19. I am here to make a difference
  20. I am here because I’m supposed to be
  21. I should take up space
  22. If an old white man can, I definitely can
  23. I have something unique to contribute
  24. Life is a miracle
  25. I am grateful for my life
  26. I feel better about myself each day
  27. Asking for help is strength
  28. I know who I can trust
  29. My ideas are valuable
  30. I have so much to contribute
  31. I bring joy to the room
  32. I’m learning how to best share my talents
  33. I’m learning my best talents
  34. I’m learning to recognize my talents
  35. I’m so grateful for my talents
  36. I am in control
  37. I know when it’s safe/necessary to give up control
  38. I can cope with this
  39. I have a strong backbone
  40. There are so many possibilities for me
  41. I deserve happiness
  42. It’s safe to stand up for myself
  43. I completely accept myself
  44. I am at peace with myself
  45. I have compassion for myself
  46. I vow to talk to myself as a friend
  47. I am mindful of my self-talk
  48. I’m leaning into myself today
  49. I am powerful
  50. I have the power to create change
  51. I am brave
  52. I’m good at what I do
  53. I am courageous
  54. I deserve to be loved
  55. I’m grateful for my body
  56. I accept my past
  57. I am allowed to say ‘no’
  58. It’s safe to ‘yes’
  59. I am a force of nature
  60. I compare myself to myself
  61. Every step forward counts
  62. I’m skilled but teachable
  63. I’m the chosen sperm for a reason!
  64. I have self-compassion for my mistakes
  65. I am thankful I woke up today
  66. I am a helpful person
  67. I am comfortable alone
  68. I am comfortable with others
  69. Each day, I become more myself
  70. I’m comfortable being me
  71. I say my opinions freely
  72. I give myself permission to be myself
  73. I have integrity
  74. I appreciate myself
  75. I am a magnet for everything good
  76. My best is the only perfect
  77. I can only be the best version of me
  78. I am a superwoman
  79. I create opportunity
  80. My efforts count
  81. I am resilient
  82. I deserve great relationships
  83. I respect myself
  84. I choose myself
  85. I am so proud of myself
  86. I deserve the good things
  87. What I don’t know is learnable
  88. I don’t control outcomes, I control my effort
  89. I have faith in my dreams
  90. I create success

affirmations of self love

66 Affirmations for Throat Chakra: Third Chakra, Creativity Affirmations

By
YoHumanz
Affirmations for Throat Chakra

Cat got your tongue?

If your throat chakra is blocked, it might have.

The fifth chakra is dedicated to topics involving communication and expression. When the energy center is unbalanced, it can lead to issues in the way we speak or are perceived in the world.

One way we may improve these problems is through affirmations.

In this guide, we’ll cover what the throat chakra is, whether affirmations work and 66 phrases you can use to improve communication.

 

What is the Throat Chakra?

The throat chakra is the 5th energy center in the chakra system.

The chakra system is originated in ancient India, the first mention being in the oldest text called the Vedas. There are 7 main chakras, energy centers or points in this system. Each of these is thought to correlate to specific body parts, problems and emotional barriers.

When the chakras opened and aligned, your life should be in physical, emotional and spiritual harmony. But when an energy point is closed or uncleansed, you might end up with issues related to that point.

The throat chakra specifically is related to speaking and expression. This includes:

  • Creativity
  • Saying how you feel
  • Being vulnerable
  • Shyness or outgoingness
  • Communication
  • The physical health of the throat

The thought is that when your throat chakra is unbalanced or blocked, it could lead to emotional or physical problems. For example, some say it leads to health problems involving the throat, like a sore throat or thyroid issues. On the emotional side, it can mean not saying how you feel, trouble effectively communicating or trouble opening up to a partner.

To help with any issues, it’s important to always seek science-backed evidence before turning to spiritual solutions. For example, see a doctor and therapist before using affirmations for your throat chakra.

While you’re taking action on the problem, you can use affirmations to help you reach your goal. These can remind you of what you want to archive and inspire you to keep going. Further, it can give you the confidence to open up. Oftentimes, this can be at the root of your throat chakra issues. For example, having better confidence could mean an easier time saying how you feel and knowing that you’re safe.

 

Do Affirmations Work for the Throat Chakra?

If you’re using throat chakra affirmations for a physical throat issue, you should always seek science-baked medical advice. Speak to a doctor before turning to spiritual tools.

Other than that, whether affirmations work for you depends on you and how you’re feeling. Some research says affirmations work. Some say they don’t. The bottom line? If you believe they’ll work, they’ll probably help you. If you don’t believe they’ll work, they could make you feel worse.

In essence, when you really need them, affirmations could let you down. But if you want to boost your already-positive outlook, go ahead.

Affirmations could work on a few grounds:

  • Remind you of your goal. If you repeat something over and over, you will be reminded of the goal behind it. For example, when using affirmations for throat chakra, you will be reminded of your goal to communicate more clearly. This can lead to you being more mindful in conversations.
  • Inspire you. Depending on the one you choose, affirmations could also inspire you. Let’s say you choose the affirmation “my relationships flourish when I communicate clearly.” Doing this allows you to picture happy, beautiful relationships. This inspiring goal can make you more likely to act on it—you want to achieve that outcome.
  • Opportunity seeking. When something is on our minds more often, we’re more likely to see opportunities to make it happen. Since affirmations bring the topic to mind, it therefore could make us more likely to see choices around it. For example, repeating “I’m open with those I love” could make you more likely to find resources to help. Perhaps you recognize the book about vulnerability or a talk about it shows up on your newsfeed. Although these opportunities were there before, you’re just looking for them, making you more likely to see them.
  • Placebo effect. The placebo effect is a phenomenon where something occurs just because someone believes it will. We know this occurs in studies: When someone is told a drug will cure back pain, a portion actually experiences fewer aches. In this same way, affirmations can work by this effect. For example, repeating “I’m an effective communicator” could make you believe you are, making you actually become one.

The reasons affirmations can work are compelling. But remember to take stock of how you feel first. It’s best to choose phrases that you find relatable, even if these aren’t your ultimate goal.

For example, saying “I’m comfortable speaking on stage” sounds like a complete joke to someone who has public speaking panic attacks. For them, a relatable affirmation might look like, “I use my coping skills to allow me to speak publicly.” While the first affirmation might further harm their mental health, the second can encourage them to find solutions.

As you move forward in your goal, you can change your affirmations for throat chakras. You can edit them to make them align with your new goals.

To summarize, it’s best to stick to affirmations that seem relatable and achievable for you.

 

66 Affirmations for Throat Chakra

Affirmations for Throat Chakra

When considering affirmations for throat chakra, it’s best to consider a wide range of options. That’s because some will resonate with you while others won’t apply at all. And, while some are directed at the same topics, the wording matters. The way one affirmation is phrased may turn you off, while another may resonate with you and inspire change.

  1. my relationships flourish when I communicate clearly
  2. I’m an effective communicator
  3. I’m open with those I love
  4. I’m comfortable speaking on stage
  5. I use my coping skills to allow me to speak publicly
  6. I speak with ease
  7. I speak clearly and kindly
  8. I have courage to say how I feel
  9. I talk with others, not about them
  10. I have the courage to be creative
  11. I have the courage to be vulnerable
  12. I speak honestly and kindly
  13. I speak freely
  14. I hold myself accountable
  15. I love giving compliments
  16. I deserve to express my needs
  17. I ask for help when I need it
  18. Writing is easy for me
  19. I love speaking with others
  20. I avoid gossip
  21. I’m comfortable talking to people in positions of power
  22. I communicate confidently
  23. I speak the truth
  24. I share my ideas with confidence
  25. I speak up for myself
  26. My voice is needed in the world
  27. Creativity naturally shines through me
  28. I know when to hold my tongue
  29. I enjoy deep conversations
  30. I know when silence is valuable
  31. I express compassion whenever I speak
  32. I express what I need with confidence
  33. I assert my boundaries with courage
  34. There is always love behind my words
  35. My speech articulates how I feel
  36. I know when it’s safe to share my feelings
  37. I communicate clearly with my angels/spirit guides/God/The Universe
  38. I know when it’s safe to open up
  39. I write clearly
  40. I clearly communicate my boundaries
  41. My voice is valued
  42. I have courage to speak up when something is wrong
  43. I have the courage to speak in front of large groups
  44. Others easily understand my intentions
  45. I am a master of silence
  46. I write in ways that reflect the truth
  47. I can easily connect with spirit
  48. My Higher Self is always available to me
  49. Expressing myself comes naturally to me
  50. I remain calm in moments of upset
  51. I share my experiences with courage
  52. I share my story with ease
  53. I take space when I can’t control my speech
  54. I’m confident to share my creations
  55. I treat ithers with love and respect
  56. I provide verbal affirmation to others
  57. I communicate clearly through writing
  58. I think before I speak
  59. I apologize when it’s necessary
  60. I own up to my mistakes
  61. I lean into feedback instead of lashing out
  62. I’m authentic when I speak
  63. Who I am comes across clearly
  64. Every day, my [throat condition] is improving
  65. As my communication improves, so does my [throat condition]
  66. I can feel my [throat condition] lifting

 

How to Use Affirmations for Throat Chakra

You can use your throat chakra affirmations as often as you’d like. You can incorporate them into a practice or routine that you do daily. Or, you can use them situationally, only when you need them.

Affirmations should be used in a way that works for you. There are no rules to stress about.

Looking for some ideas on how to use your throat chakra affirmations? Here’s some options:

  • Say your affirmations out loud or in your head, as many times as you want. If you want, make it into a habit that you do every morning/night.
  • If you’re into chanting meditations, you can use your affirmations in a chant.
  • If you’re not into chanting, you can simply repeat your affirmation in your mind while meditating. Get into to right headspace by silencing your mind before jumping into your phrases.
  • Write them. Remember in school when the bad kids had detention and were made to write lines? They had to write the same thing over and over and over. Well, you can do the same thing with affirmations. Writing them repeatedly can make them more likely to “stick.”
  • Sticky notes. Once you have your affirmations for throat chakra, write them on sticky notes and place them in relevant places. For example, if your affirmation is about speaking your ideas, post it on your desk and look at it before meetings. If it’s about communicating in the home, place your sticky note where you’d see it a lot, such as your fridge or mirror.
  • Phone home screen. Since your phone is always with you, it’s a great place to display these throat chakra affirmations.
  • You can also make it the wallpaper on your computer or laptop.

 

Summary: Affirmations for Throat Chakra

If you have any physical or emotional issues, you should always seek advice from a qualified professional. Affirmations can be used alongside solutions but should not be the main treatment for major issues.

Your throat chakra is responsible for communication and physical ailments in that area of the body. One way you may improve an unbalanced fifth chakra is with affirmations for throat chakra. Use the ideas on this list to inspire change.

Affirmations for Throat Chakra

8 Tricks to Get a Text Back: He Ignored My Text

By
YoHumanz
He Ignored My Text

You’re here because he ignored your text, aren’t you?

Whether you’ve been left on read or it seems like the person has fallen on earth, it can be hard to wait for a response. After a while, you may not think a reply is ever coming. Are they ignoring you forever?

In these situations, it may be appropriate to try to get a text back, even if it’s to clarify the silence.

In this guide, we’ll go over the possible reasons why he doesn’t text back. Understanding this will allow you to know how to elicit a response, which we’ll cover in the second half of this article.

 

Why He Doesn’t Text Back

Tricks to Get a Text Back: He Ignored My Text

Often, when someone doesn’t text us back, we assume the worst. It’s not always the worst though. People have legitimate reasons for not responding. Other times, it really is the worst and the person is pulling away or you’re getting ghosted. Here’s the possibilities:

  • They’re Busy. The most common reason he doesn’t text back is that he’s busy. You might be used to instant texters, but not everyone likes to be on their phone. He might be busy with school or have a job that doesn’t allow him to text. He could be driving or perhaps it’s a particularly busy day for him. The options for how someone can be busy are endless. And since our to-do list creeps up on us, it’s not always predictable—reading to randomly “ignored” texts.
  • They’re Speechless. Being speechless can be a good or bad thing. The person you’re texting might not be sure what to say. Maybe there’s nothing to add and they have nothing to text back. Or, they could be speechless because you said something wrong or hurtful.
  • They’re Bored. Sometimes the conversation isn’t really saying anything. It’s not going anywhere and it’s not interesting. At this point, people stop replying. Read through your messages. If it seems like a dead-end, consider how you can reinvigorate the connection with interesting conversation or questions.
  • Everything is On Their Schedule. Some people only want others on their schedule. They don’t care to text you back if they don’t want to. And they don’t really care how you’re affected by it. But when their mood changes and they want you, you’ll receive a reply.
  • Power Play. By making you question whether the relationship is on, a narcissist can gain control over the dynamics.
  • They Don’t Want to Talk. Unfortunately, people aren’t always into much as we’re into them. Even Britney Spears gets turned down. Sometimes, a no-reply is a reply: They want to fully cut contact.

For a full list of possibilities and to narrow down the cause, read 13 Reasons Why He Doesn’t Text Back.

 

8 Tricks to Get a Text Back: He Ignored My Text

Before trying to get someone to text back, first ask yourself if you even should. In some situations, it may be appropriate. In others, the person may be obviously ignoring you. If you’re not being treated well, find someone else to text—you don’t need them.

To get a text back, first read the possible causes of an ignored text above. Do you suspect a reason? Let the cause inform the trick you choose to entice a response.

#1 Ask Them a Question

If you think someone is ignoring your text because the conversation is boring, spice it up. Oftentimes, we forget that we need to put effort into our words. We blame a lack on the conversation on the other person. Small talk is always someone else’s fault.

If the last text you sent was “good” in response to “how are you,” they might not be ignoring you. They might genuinely have nothing to say. To give them something to respond to, ask a question. Unlike comments, they’re easier to reply to because a person knows exactly what response is expected. There’s also more incentive to reply to questions: It’s interesting to share and listen.

Ask them a random question, but make it interesting or deep. Like, “I remember you mentioned you’re mother died when you were young. How was it growing up in a one-parent house?”

Another option is to suggest a game of 20 questions. You can take turns asking each other questions from a list or from your head.

Need ideas? Read: 160 Questions For Couples: New + Longterm (Very Telling)

 

#2 Send a Picture

Sometimes, you don’t need more words to break the ice, you just need a carefully selected picture. The keyword here is carefully selected.

If you’re can’t stop thinking “he ignored my text,” think about a photo that would interest him. No, not that type of photo. What’s interesting to him? What’s something he can comment on?

If you see a meme that relates to something they said, send it. If they love photos of your cute dog, that’s an option too. If you saw a picture of something they might like online, save it.

 

#3 Send a Link

If someone isn’t replying because there’s a lack of interesting conversation, another option is to send them an interesting link. Again, you need to make it something that’s useful or intriguing to them. And, it should be something they can comment on.

If you know they’re following news about something, share a recent article you came across. If they’re into baking, send them a fun recipe. If you know they’re on the hunt for a new sofa, send them a link to a suitable option.

 

#4 “Is Everything Ok?”

If you’re thinking “he’s ignored my text” and you’re not sure why, you can try subtly asking him. Since the outright question can feel awkward to ask, you can ask him in a different way: “Is everything ok?”

This question can mean a few different things. Is everything okay, did I say something wrong? Is everything okay, are you physically hurt and can’t text? Is everything okay between us?

This can prompt them to reply back saying that everything is okay and they’re available now. Or, you might learn that everything is not okay…

 

#5 “Just Wanted to Check…”

When we’re waiting for a text back, we want to “double text” but we don’t want to come off as pestering or overbearing. Using the phrase “Just wanted to check” is a gentle way to check-in with someone without pressure.

You can phrase this how you’d like depending on your situation or suspicions:

  • Just wanted to check to make sure I didn’t say anything wrong? Please let me know if I did
  • Just wanted to check if we’re still on for this Saturday night?
  • Just wanted to check to see if we’re still ok?

This gives the person a clear question to respond to, making you more likely to receive a text back.

 

#6 Ask If They Want to Continue Talking

People rarely do this because it’s vulnerable. You might hear the truth and you might not like it. But at least you’ll know and be free to move on.

If you get the feeling like someone might not like you anymore, or that you’re being honest, you can kindly ask.

“Hey, just wondering if you wanted to continue talking? I understand if not, just don’t want to keep bothering you. Thanks J”

A simple message like that gets straight to the point without pressuring the person to say yes. They’re free to give an honest answering, allowing you to move on if needed. Plus, you can assume that the answer is “no” is you don’t receive a reply. That’s because if someone wanted to talk to you, they’d definitely make it known after this question.

If the person wants to cut ties, respect that. Remember that nobody owes you a reply.

 

#7 Address Communication Issues

Let’s say you’re in a long-term relationship or dating someone who frequently ignores your texts. One day, he’s the biggest fan of texting. And the next, you’re complaining to your friends “he ignored my text!”

Sometimes, no-texting periods are normal. For example, somebody may be busy or just not in the mood. If this happens frequently and it’s bothering you though, you should address it.

Although it can be uncomfortable, be vulnerable about how you feel. Tell your partner that when they don’t reply, you feel ignored. Explain the story you’re making up about not receiving a text back. This gives them an opportunity to explain the reason for their non-response. When you understand the reason, you can look for ways to better communicate.

Let’s say you figure out they’re not texting back because work is busy. To help you feel better, perhaps you agree that they text beforehand when they know the workday will be busy. Or, maybe you accept that periods of silence will happen and now that you know the reason, you don’t need to worry.

 

#8 Don’t Play Games

I’ll admit, I’ve been someone to send blank texts and fake pocket-dial or even pocket-text. It’s not mature though. Or appropriate. If we play games, we will get the energy of game-playing back.

If the ideas listed here don’t work and you still don’t receive a reply, don’t look for dishonest solutions. As soon as you go into game-playing mode, that should be a sign that the relationship is headed in the wrong direction. In this case, instead of trying to get a text back, cut the tie and try to move on. Remember, nobody owes you a text back.

 

Summary: Getting a Reply When He Ignored My Text

Before you try to get a reply back from an ignored text, try to first brainstorm why someone isn’t responding. Could they be busy? If so, often giving the situation time is the best solution. If it keeps happening, you’ll want to address communication issues as a whole.

Other times, a simple push can get the conversation going again. Use the prompts in this article to get a text back when someone is ignoring you. Remember, don’t play games unless you want your relationship to be one.

Tricks to Get a Text Back: He Ignored My Text

19 Red Flags When Dating You’ll Regret Ignoring- Trust Me!

By
YoHumanz
Red Flags When Dating

Red flags when dating are stop signs that tell you to turn back.

If you continue going, you’ll probably waste your time or worse—get hurt.

Knowing red flags doesn’t guarantee we’ll head their caution. But it does make it more likely we’ll make better decisions.

Read on to learn 19 common red flags when you’re dating.

 

What Are Red Flags When Dating

A red flag is a big no-no when dating. When you come across it, you turn back because you know it’s a signal of worse to come. (Of course, some of us dash right past the red flags).

There’s two main types of red flags when dating:

  • General red flags—general red flags are ones that just about anyone can agree on. This includes things like disrespect and abuse. Under no circumstances are these behaviors okay.
  • Personal red flags—we also have personal red flags, which are different to everyone. These are formed based on your personality, lifestyle, likes, dislikes, wants, and needs. Some people might disagree with your red flag and that’s okay. An example of a personal red flag could be someone who doesn’t want children. If you’re looking for a long-term partner who you eventually want kids with, don’t date someone who doesn’t want kids. On the other hand, if you want a childless life, your red flag would be the exact opposite. The key is to respect your own red flags, even if they look different than other peoples.

 

19 Red Flags When Dating
red flags when dating

These are the bad signs to watch out for when you’re getting to know someone new.

#1 Abuse

If there’s any signs that someone is or will abuse you, run! It’s the #1, non-negotiable red flag for any type of relationship. Abuse should never be excused or tolerated.

For resources or help making a safe plan to leave, call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

#2 Disrespect

If someone disrespects you, that’s one of the major red flags when dating to look out for.

Disrespect may be obvious. For example, the person may say something rude or hurtful. Or, they might behave inappropriately.

Other times, disrespect can be less obvious. It can be small comments or behaviors that undermine you. For example, let’s say you’re on a date and a guy orders for you without even asking what you want. Maybe you speak up and he insists that he knows what’s best. This may come off as just a weird way to order at a restaurant. Really though, it could be a sign that he values his opinion too much and yours too little.

#3 No Compromise

When you first begin dating someone, pay attention to the small ways they compromise. After all, every relationship needs some amount of give and take. Unless you’re a carbon copy of someone, you’ll need to work through differences.

If off the bat, someone is unwilling to compromise on restaurant choices, you might want to reconsider.

#4 They Hold Power Over You

Holding power over you is never acceptable. This can come in several different forms.

If someone is controlling aspects of your life, it could be or lead to abuse. That may look like jealousy and worry or blame that you’ll cheat.

Power could also be in terms of decision-making. If you feel like you have no say in the relationship, that’s one of the biggest red flags when dating.

#5 Bad Communication

One of the best red flags when dating to look out for is bad communication. This can come in many forms:

  • Lack of communication/frequent ghosting
  • Getting angry instead of talking
  • Stonewalling or ignoring you instead of talking
  • Lashing out
  • Bottling up or lying about their emotions to avoid talking

Consider that in every relationship, communication will be something you work on and tailor to each other. However, if someone has communication issues and is unwilling to fix them, run!

Communication problems mean that any other issue will be impossible to get through their hard head!

#6 They Don’t Put In Effort

One of the most telling red flags when dating is a lack of effort. When you first meet someone, you’re usually on your best behavior and trying to impress them. If someone is already putting in no effort, they probably will contribute even less in the future. If they don’t have the incentive now, why would they after you’re already in a relationship?

#7 Different Values

Values and morals look different for everyone and that’s okay. The key is to find someone who matches you.

Let’s say you value the environment. Someone who litters can be a red flag. Or, maybe you aren’t religious. Someone who pushes religion on you might be a red flags.

It’s important to realize that you can respect people’s differences, but choose what works best in your life. In other cases, their beliefs might totally conflict with yours. For example, a big red flag that clashes with my values is sexism.

#8 They’re Mean to Others

If someone is an angel to you but mean to others, they’re a mean person. Don’t be fooled by the mask they wear with you. Pay attention to how they treat others. This includes their friends and family. But it also means observing how they talk to people outside of their lives, such as salespeople or restaurant staff. 

#9 They Refuse to Label It

Of course, if you want a casual relationship, this might not apply to you. But if you’re progressing under the assumption that it will lead to a long-term relationship, you want to see signs it’s headed that way.

If a person refuses to call you their significant other or label the relationship, that can be a big red flag months in. While everyone is comfortable after a different amount of time, if the period of dating seems endless, the person might be more casual.

#10 Feels Like a Rollercoaster

Not every relationship is smooth sailing all the time. If you’re in a long-term relationship, there will be times where things don’t feel great and you’ll work through them. If you feel that from the beginning though, that’s one of the obvious red flags when dating.

If the relationship is good one moment and bad the next, it’s a sign it will only get worse. 

#11 Dishonesty

White lies—like saying you like someone’s outfit—isn’t a red flag. But bigger lies are something that should make you run.

This might include inconsistencies in someone’s stories. It could things that you have obvious evidence against. These things might seem inconsequential—but pay attention. Consider that if someone is willing to lie about meaningless things, they probably have no problem lying about meaningful things that they’d benefit from.

If someone has a habit of lying, it’s unlikely they’ll change it for you. And even if they will, is it worth waiting around for?

#12 They Lower Your Confidence

Yes, your confidence shouldn’t be derived from other people. And, it’s not other’s responsibility to make you feel happy.

However, it’s a big red flag if you experience a confidence drop as soon as you start dating someone. Sometimes, it may be because you’re intimidated by their success. That’s okay and something you can work through.

Other times though, your drop in self-esteem is caused by small comments they’re making or things they’re implying. You deserve to feel good about yourself. You deserve someone who makes you feel loved.

#13 They Make Passes At Others

Let’s say you’re dating someone but you’re not yet exclusive. Even though you’re working toward being in a relationship, you’re not there yet.

While your partner may be free to date other people still, they shouldn’t make passes at other people in front of you. For example, checking other people out or flirting with them in front of you is disrespectful when you’re dating, even if you’re not exclusive yet.

#14 Talks Crap About Their Ex

Almost everyone has bad exes and it’s okay to tell the truth about the bad ones. However, if your partner says harsh things about everyone they’ve been with, look into it further. They might have bad luck, make bad choices or they might be the problem.

Further, name-calling exes or making demeaning comments is never okay. That could be you next.

#15 Actions Don’t Match Words

If the person promises the world yet barely does anything, consider the mismatch. Sometimes people talk yet never act. These are two different things.

A trustworthy partner will be true to their word. What comes out of their mouth is backed up by action.

#16 Double Standards

A popular annoying red flag is double standards. If you’re a woman and you date men, you probably know what I’m talking about.

If someone thinks a rule only applies to their gender, that’s not okay. If someone’s behavior is excused based on their behavior, that’s not okay.

If what’s okay for your partner isn’t okay for you, that’s a huge red flag when dating.

#17 Doesn’t Understand Your Love Language

Love languages are the idea that people receive love differently. While some people love words of affirmation, others would prefer gifts or acts of service. You can find yours here.

No love language is better than another. But finding someone who can love you in your language is important. And loving others in their language is equally important.

You don’t need to share love languages with your partner. But you should understand—or at least work toward understanding—each others.

If your partner doesn’t care to understand your love language, that’s a bad sign. For example, if you need words of affirmation and your partner refuses to say nice things, you might not be able to change them. Accepting the red flag and moving on could lead to a healthy relationship sooner.

#18 Your Sexual Needs Are Different

Your sexual needs might be for a lot, lesser or no sex at all. Whatever it is, it’s okay. You just need to find a partner who matches you.

If you have a high sex drive and your partner’s is low, that’s a red flag. It might be something you can work out, but it could also become an issue in the long term.

#19 They Rush the Relationship

Sometimes two people are really into each other and they jump into a relationship quickly. If it’s one-sided though, that’s a red flag.

For example, if your partner wants to be in a relationship but you’ve expressed your need to slow it down, they should respect that. If they push to rush the relationship, consider why. It could be that they’re controlling, which is a bad sign for things to come. Or it could be that you’re a rebound relationship, in which case they might need time to heal alone.

 

Summary: Red Flags When Dating

Red flags when dating fall into two main categories: general and personal. General red flags are ones most can agree on, like disrespect and abuse. Personal red flags are those specific to you, such as someone who matches your morals or communication style. When considering your dating options, scroll the list above and consider which red flags are important to you.

red flags when dating

 

10 Crystals for Trauma: Crystals for Anxiety and PTSD

By
YoHumanz
crystals for trauma anxiety

Crystals for trauma and anxiety can help inspire your healing journey.

You can use carry them around with you as a reminder of your healing. You can use them as good luck charms. Or you can meditate with them to calm your worrying thoughts and fears.

There’s so many ways you can work with stones.

In this guide, we’re listing the 10 most common crystals for trauma and crystals for anxiety and PTSD.

If you have or think you may have trauma anxiety or PTSD, you should talk to your doctor or a licensed therapist or counselor. Crystals are spiritual tools but they aren’t a solution for mental health disorders or crises. For evidence-backed advice or treatments, talk to a healthcare professional.

 

What is Trauma and PTSD?

Trauma is a response to a disturbing event that you’ve experienced. Trauma can be big or little. It can occur during childhood and anytime throughout life. Examples of trauma:

  • Childhood or adult abuse of any kind
  • Parent’s divorce
  • Toxic relationship
  • Difficult move
  • Difficult breakup

Even situations most people experience, like a breakup, can be traumatic for some people. This isn’t to say they carry the same weight as an abusive childhood trauma. However, it’s important to realize both can affect your mental health in the long run for some people.

The intense sense of overwhelm, anxiety or helplessness of the traumatic situation can affect your life afterward. It can lead to anxiety disorders, one of which being posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

  • PTSD is a clinical disorder that’s triggered by a traumatic event. Symptoms can include: Flashbacks
  • Nightmares
  • Intense anxiety or fear

PTSD is best treated by a licensed psychologist, who can try a variety of different treatments.

 

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is both a feeling and a clinical disorder.

Everyone experiences anxiety from time to time. For example, you might have some anxiety going to a job interview or writing a test.

Extreme or long-term anxiety can be categorized as an anxiety disorder. There are different types of anxiety disorders:

  • Generalized anxiety disorder
  • Posttraumatic stress disorder
  • Social anxiety
  • Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)
  • Panic disorder (having panic attacks)

Anxiety disorder is best treated by a psychologist, who can offer a variety of treatment options.

 

Crystals for Trauma and Anxiety: Do They Work?

Crystals are not a solution for mental health issues. Do not attempt to treat anxiety or trauma with stones. Although they can be used as a spiritual tool alongside treatment, they should not replace evidence-backed care.

If you’re having difficulty working through a mental health experience, talk to a healthcare professional.

While you are seeking care in an evidence-backed way, you may choose to use crystals. These can help inspire your healing journey. Whether you believe they have healing powers or are just a positive reminder, it’s up to you. Everyone’s beliefs about crystals are different. The most important thing is to realize it’s not a replacement for therapy or medication.

 

10 Crystals for Trauma: Crystals for Anxiety and PTSD

crystals for trauma anxiety

Here are the crystals most associated with supporting the healing of trauma and anxiety problems. Use it to create a crystal grid, crystal protection spray, or more. Learn how to recharge your crystals.

Black Tourmaline

Black tourmaline is thought of as a “bodyguard” because it’s powerful in the way it can clear energies around it. It can protect you as it absorbs negativity. This can help create a calming environment where your anxiety can rest.

Since people with anxiety and trauma often have negative thoughts, this can be a good stone for helping clear that energy.

Black Obsidian

Black Obsidian is another good choice if you’re looking for crystals for trauma. The black color indicates its ability to deeply cleanse energies. As long as you frequently cleanse it, you might use to feel ‘clear’ after a period of anxiety or stress.

This stone is related to the first chakra, which has to do with your security and safety. Oftentimes, anxiety and trauma can shake the ground beneath us and make us feel unstable. Black Obsidian can help you feel grounded again.

Amethyst

When many people think about crystals for anxiety, amethyst will be the first one that comes to mind. Often a light purple or lavender color, this stone brings soothing energies and is known for its calming qualities.

It can also help inspire you to heal and act as a supportive friend along the way.

It’s also a great choice when searching for crystals for trauma. That’s because it’s thought to aid in sleep, specifically, it’s said to help ward off bad dreams and nightmares, a common symptom of PTSD.

Lapis Lazuli

This dark blue stone is said to hold wisdom and truth. Sometimes, when we’re going through trauma, we might feel the truth was stolen from us. If we have anxiety, we might be confused about the truth because of our fearful thoughts. Lapis Lazuli can be a gentle reminder of your inner truth.

It’s also said to help protect against negative energies. The wisdom of this stone also can help increase self-awareness, which can be helpful when you’re working through anxiety-related issues.

Rose Quartz

Rose quartz is a light pink color and it’s most known for love and healing.

Although you might not think of rose quartz as an anxiety or trauma stone, it should be one of your top picks. That’s because people with mental health issues are often hard on themselves. We could benefit from the self-compassion rose quartz represents. It can inspire us to go easier on ourselves, accept our flaws and see the good we have to offer.

As a pink stone, out of all crystals for traumas, this one may provide the most gentle, soothing, motherly-type energy. This can have a healing effect.

Smokey Quartz

Smokey Quartz is thought to help you stay calm, especially during difficult situations. It’s darker tint symbolizes an earthy-type of energy. This may help you feel more grounded and ‘at home.’

This crystal is also used by some to help clear out negative energy and promote positive ones.

Howlite

Howlite is known to be a calming stone. This choice for those looking for crystals for anxiety. The white color symbolizes the soothing energy it provides.

It’s also thought to help those with an overactive mind, especially when it interferences with your sleep. This can make it a good option for people who suffer from nightmares or who are afraid to fall asleep.

Carnelian

Carnelian is an orange stone, so you can assume it has happy, sunny energy to dole out! This can be a good choice for people suffering from anxiety or trauma that need more ‘brightness’ in their life.

It’s also a good crystal for confidence. Building your self-esteem with this stone can help you tackle some anxiety issues and make encourage your strength.

Citrine

Citrine is another common orange stone you can use to bring happiness into a stressful time. It’s thought to attract positive energy and absorb negative ones.

It’s also a great crystal to use for a boost in self-confidence. This can be a good aid for those whose self-esteem has been damaged through a traumatic experience.

Lepidolite

Lepidolite is thought to help with anxiety and depression. It may ease trauma and help you release your emotions toward the experience. It’s also said to absorb negative energies, perfect for those who worry their anxiety is polluting their energy field.

 

Summary: Crystals for Trauma and Anxiety

If You’re experience trauma or anxiety, your first step should be talking to your doctor or a psychologist. Crystals are not treatment options for mental health issues. For science-backed solutions, see a healthcare provider.

With that being said, while you’re on your healing or mental health journey, crystals may help inspire you. We’ve listed the crystals most commonly associated with anxiety.

crystals for trauma anxiety

Tarot Spread Relationship Layouts: 3 Patterns for Couples

By
YoHumanz
Tarot Spread Relationship Layouts

How’s your relationship going?

Although you have a good idea of how to answer that, so does the tarot.

While relationship tarot spreads can give insight into the big question: “are they the one?” it can offer a lot more. Asking the cards about love can lead you to learn about yourself, how you act within relationships and what you can do better.

The small questions often seem the most exciting, but the big picture behind the spread is typically the most important in the long-term.

 

3 Tarot Spreads Relationship

To best learn about your relationship, the best idea is to have open communication with your partner. However, a couple relationship tarot spread can help you find the hidden factors you may be overlooking. For example, where are the weaknesses in each other and in the relationship itself? It can be hard to get honest about vulnerable things and the tarot can help us see the things we hide from ourselves.

Each of these tarot relationship spreads takes you on a journey from yourselves as individuals and how you operate as a couple. It will also give you tangible advice on how you can improve your partnership and better fulfill your purpose of being together.

Sometimes, we may not like the cards we choose. Don’t pull until you get a “good” one. Instead, consider that you have the power to change the final outcome. In some cases, the final outcome might be uncomfortable but that doesn’t mean it’s not the best outcome. For example, you may not want to end it with your partner but it’s the healthiest option, even if you can’t see it now. These are all things to take into consideration. Be gentle with yourself, love can be a difficult topic depending on your situation.

 

Unity: Tarot Spread Relationship

tarot spread relationship

This couple relationship tarot spread is a great one for digging into deeper to your relationship. Rather than predicting the future, it helps you learn about your strengths and weaknesses together. This lets you know where you can improve. It also ends by suggesting a reason or the “lesson” why the two of you have found yourself together.

  1. Represents you
  2. Represents your partner
  3. Your strengths as an individual
  4. Your partner’s strengths as an individual
  5. Your strengths as a couple
  6. Your weaknesses as a couple
  7. Purpose of being together or lessons you’re learning together

 

1+1+__ Couple Relationship Tarot Spread

tarot spread relationship

This relationship tarot spread provides a thorough overview of your relationship. It delves into how the relationship started and why. Then, it gets into the nitty gritty—like how your relationship is currently, the best potential for it and whether that potential is likely to be met.

  1. Represents you
  2. How you met your partner
  3. Why you met your partner
  4. Represents your partner
  5. The state of the relationship currently
  6. The best potential for the relationship
  7. The most likely outcome for the relationship

 

LVE: Tarot Reading Relationship Spread

tarot spread relationship

This is another couple relationship tarot spread that helps you better understand your partnership instead of predicting it. First, you’ll go down memory lane about how you met and what attracted you to each other. Then, you’ll see what’s going well and less well in the relationship. Cap it off with what you can control—what should you know about each other? How can you improve your relationship together?

  1. How you met your partner your partner
  2. What attracts you together
  3. Current state of the relationship
  4. Strengths of the relationship
  5. Weaknesses of the relationship
  6. Something to keep in mind about your partner
  7. Something your partner needs to keep in mind about you
  8. Insight for improving or maintaining the relationship

 

Tarot Reading Relationship Spreads

Tarot reading relationship spreads are helpful to get to know the ins and outs of your relationship. They walk you through where you’ve been, where you’re at and where you’re currently heading. If you don’t like the direction you’re going in, remember that nothing is set in stone. Use the cards around it to gain insight on how you can improve your relationship for the best possible outcome.

tarot spread relationship

Ask A Human: The Q About Being Attached to a Best Friend

By
YoHumanz
Get Over Him: Advice Column on Get Over a Breakup

🔎 Ask A Human…

An Advice Column for Humans by One Human. We want to hear what you’re struggling with these days. Relationships? Breakups? Family? Friends? Jobs? Mental health? Anything.

Ask us Anonymously Here or by emailing [email protected]

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

Dear Human,

I am 16 years old and I am really attached to this one friend, who is a guy. I have liked him from the heart from when we were in grade three. We have had so many moments together and I can’t imagine my life without those moments.

He got to know how I feel for him when we were in 7th grade. I was so happy, but being scared about the teachers, I denied the relationship. But my teachers somehow found out and we were put to different classes. We haven’t spoken since then but I really miss him and there has not been one day where I haven’t thought about him, where I wanted him back in my life. And I have deteriorated in my studies and many more places.

He seems to be very happy and I am happy for that. I feel he made me a better human. He stood by me all times and I did it for him too and now I can’t accept the fact that he is not a part of my life. He even seems to have moved on and doesn’t care about me. But I am not able to move on or concentrate on anything else. I sometimes think that I have moved on, but it is like a part of him is in me and that part is so strong that I can’t help but feel hurt and go through the pain all over. If I tell my friends they think it is joke, and the pain I feel is internal, like a pit in my chest and brain and stomach. I feel helpless and need a big hug from him at least once.

Dear Human Attached to their Best Friend,

I want to start by normalizing how you feel. It sounds like you’re struggling alone. I know what that’s like and it can make heartbreak even more difficult.

Some people worry that relationships will distract you from your studies or work. The truth is that although it can, good relationships of any type help you excel in other parts of life. The same way a supportive family or friend group can help, so can a partner. The opposite is also true: when a relationship deteriorates, the rest of your life can also feel like it’s deteriorating. It can be hard to concentrate. It can feel like something is wrong with you why you can’t get over someone the way it appears they got over you. And even though it’s in the head, you can also feel heartbreak in the body, as you said, like a pit in the chest or stomach.

All of this is to say that is sucks. It really, really sucks. But it’s normal. It means you opened yourself up enough to feel something. Even though the situation didn’t work out as you want, you should be proud you’ve exercised that muscle of opening up and accepting love. It makes you more loving and open for the next person who will appreciate it.

The fact you’ve been dealing with this feeling for so long is probably because of a few things. It’s probably your first experience of really liking someone. It’s also probably difficult to move on when you still see him all the time.

It’s worth asking yourself, is there a way you can get some closure? Is it possible to have a conversation with him? If not, is it possible to create more space? In other words, seeing him less could help you fully heal—for good. Seeing him too often, even in passing, can make it difficult for wounds to heal.

It can also be helpful to resign to the feeling: You care, you might always care, you’ll just have to learn to care differently. I think a part of someone you love will always stay with you. The part just becomes easier to carry and less disruptive of everyday life. And one day, you probably won’t think about it at all.

Perhaps a big part is accepting that you’re more sensitive than other people. Loss and endings affect people like us more. It’s not nice your friends think it’s a joke. Sometimes when you feel so deeply for someone, you might wonder why nobody else seems that impacted. Why can’t anyone else see how hurt you are? When the people in our life don’t support us through something, sometimes we have to validate ourselves. Try to have some self-compassion. Talk to yourself as you would a friend if they were going through a similar situation (and I know you’re a good friend!). It sounds like you’re such a caring, loving person and like you’re handling this the best you know how. You should be proud of yourself for that and for being honest about how you feel.

Also, consider trying mindfulness, like doing a mindfulness meditation on YouTube. It sounds weird, but over time, meditation can help us control our thoughts. So instead of thinking about this person non-stop, you more easily acknowledge the thought and move past it. It takes time to build this skill but it can help the invasive thoughts grief causes.

When all else fails and you just want love, for me, it helps to imagine myself with someone different in the future. When the time is right, envision how nice it will feel to have a proper relationship.

P.S. It will never equal a hug from him, but here’s a hug from me to you 🤗

Sincerely,

A Human ❤️

 

Have a Question? Ask a Human Anonymously Here

9 Trauma Bonding Signs to Scan Your Relationship For

By
YoHumanz
Trauma Bonding Signs

Have you ever continued loving someone even after they’ve hurt you very badly?

Instead of chucking them from your life, your feelings grew?

If so, you might have experienced a trauma bond. These typically happen in toxic or abusive relationships where a person finds it hard to leave despite repeated bad behavior. Although you might have felt alone in this, it’s a conflicting feeling experienced by others in many types of relationships.

It’s not always easy to know when you have a trauma bond though.

In this guide, we’re discussing what it is, who it can happen to, trauma bonding narcissism traits and trauma bonding signs to look out for.

 

What is Trauma Bonding?

A trauma bond is the bond between a person and their abuser. Most often, the relationship deepens when the person begins feeling sorry for their abuser. They might also develop feelings of love. Trauma bonding typically happens over time as a trauma is reinforced through an abusive cycle. A trauma bond can be created over days, weeks, months or years. It depends on the situation and the person involved.

A common example of a trauma bond is “Stockholm syndrome.” This psychological response involves a person developing positive thoughts or feeling toward their abuser. Even if the victim wasn’t held captive, they may choose to stay because their mind has shifted to loving or trusting their captor.

Most trauma bonds aren’t as extreme as Stockholm syndrome. Many involve partners who are reluctant to leave their abusers because they love them, despite the abuse.

Even on a human level—without even being in an abusive relationship—you might be able to understand this push-pull dynamic.

Love isn’t healthy by default. There’s many factors and brain processes at play. We can love someone who is perfect for us. But we can also love people who are horrible for us. Knowing they’re horrible for us doesn’t always make us stop loving them. Many of us have been in relationships where this is true. The difference with a trauma bond is that the cycle is powered by the effects of abuse.

If you’re in a trauma bond, you should talk to a counselor or therapist.

 

Trauma Bonding Relationships Throughout Life

Trauma bonding relationships can be that of friends, family members, romantic partners or coworkers.

Trauma Bonding Relationships During Childhood

It can develop over, start or occur during childhood. An example of this would be a family member who grooms a child. The child might grow feelings of love toward the abuser, even if they are hurt by them. Over time, this can grow into a bond that leads them to keep the abuse a secret in order to protect the abuser.

Sometimes, trauma bonds are only revealed through therapy. For example, if you grew up with positive feelings toward a family member, you might not have realized their hurtful behavior was abuse. After years of therapy, you might see realize that a trauma bond exists.

Trauma Bonding Relationships During Adulthood

Trauma bonding relationships also occur during adulthood. The most common example is in romantic relationships. A boyfriend might be emotionally abusing a girlfriend. Despite the pain, she might rationalize his behavior and have a difficult time leaving.

You can also have trauma bonds with coworkers. Trauma bonds might be more common with people in positions higher than you, since the power imbalance makes abuse more likely. A coworker may manipulative you or abuse you emotionally, physically or sexually. Over time, you might form a trauma bond where you feel loyal to them.

Trauma Bonding Relationships During Elder Years

Another overlooked trauma bonding experience is that faced by our elders. Although many people know about elder abuse, it’s not talked about as much because the victims are often sick or silent.

Elder can form trauma bonds with the person who abuses them. This might be a family member or a staff member at a retirement home. If the person is dependent on care from their abuser, the conflicting feelings can cue a bond to form. Another factor is their mental state. If an elder’s mental capacity is deteriorating, the abuse might be confusing, also contributing to a trauma bond.

In theory, you can have a trauma bond with anyone who abuses you at any time. In other situations, trauma bonding can happen when someone is the victim of human trafficking, kidnapping, or a cult.

Since abuse is manipulative, it can shift your thinking about a person. You might consciously realize why this happening and be unable to stop the flood of positive emotions. Some people know the trauma bonding signs but still can’t break away from the person. Others form trauma bonds unconsciously.

Trauma Bonding Narcissism

Trauma Bonding and narcissism often go hand in hand.

Not all abusers are narcissists but many are. Keep in mind that narcissism is a personality trait and can be plotted on a spectrum. In this way, everyone falls somewhere on the narcissism scale, whether at the low end or the higher end. The higher-end encompasses the clinical diagnosis, Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Since narcissists have a lack of empathy, this makes them more likely to continue abusing someone. Since they don’t care about the other person, they might not have a reason to stop. This repeated cycle of abuse can cause a trauma bonding.

Trauma bonding through narcissism can be hard to break because the person might manipulate you into not wanting to. This reinforces the bond, possibly making it harder to break each time.

 

Non-Abusive Trauma Bonds

Clinically, when many therapists talk about trauma bonds, they are referring to an abuser and their victim. The trauma involved in these situations was abusive. However, not all trauma is necessarily abusive. You can have “smaller” traumas too.

Broadening the definition of “trauma bonds” might lead you to better understand your attachment to someone. For example, maybe your partner didn’t traumatize you but the arguing between you has traumatized the relationship. Even though there’s no abuse, there’s a cycle of arguing and getting back together that is toxic and tears at the relationship.

Over time, repeating this pattern might make you pulled to each other through a different type of trauma bond. Although you aren’t abusive toward each other, you’re still not healthy together. Yet, it’s hard to leave.

 

Trauma Bonding Signs

trauma bonding signs

Sometimes, we may not be sure if we have a trauma bond with someone. As discussed above, this can be particularly true if the relationship is with a narcissist, who convinces us they’re not abusive.

If you’re not sure, the first step is to look for any signs of emotional, physical, sexual or financial abuse. For resources or help making a safe plan to leave, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

If you’re going through or have been through something traumatic, speak with a counselor or therapist.

Trauma bonding signs may include the following.

 

#1 You Take A Little as A Lot

When the person does the smallest thing, you’re taken aback by their kindness. Sometimes, the action might not even be kind. It might just be normal or neutral instead of their usual awful.

When they say something nice about you, you’re elated. They usually don’t care or are mean. If they ask about you or show any sign of care, you’re surprised.

You know all these things might be considered normal in another relationship, but you’re just happy the person is having a good day.

 

#2 Manipulation

Any type of manipulation may be a sign of a trauma bond. Since manipulation is confusing, it’s not always taken in as negative. This can lead positive feelings to flourish into a bond.

Manipulation can be a coworker who convinces you to do more than your fair share of work. It could be a partner who encourages you to do things you’re not sexually comfortable with. Or it could be a family member who takes control of your finances.

In other words, manipulation can be abusive or non-abusive. Both may be a sign that a trauma bond has or will form.

 

#3 You’re There for The “Highs”

Maybe you know your relationship is unhealthy or at least has unhealthy parts. But in some ways, the good parts are hard to turn down.

It seems like you’re on a roller coaster and although you hate the lows, you’ll ride for the “highs.”

 

#4 You Feel Addicted

Maybe you don’t want to be on the roller coater, and nobody is keeping you there, but you can’t make yourself hop off. You’re addicted to the highs, despite the low lows. You might know the consequences of staying, but never experiencing the person again might seem more painful.

If you feel this way, try not to blame yourself. Keep in mind that there’s many chemicals at play that alter your thinking. After you’ve gone through something traumatic, a boost of the love hormone oxytocin—provided by your partner—can feel really good. Like someone addicted to a drug, your brain can become wired to seek out that sensation after every explosion. In this way, the brains of abuse victims can actually work against them.

 

#5 The Person is the One to Console You

Do you ever feel like the only person who can make you feel better is the person who caused the pain? They often are. This leads us to go running back to them. This twisted dynamic leads the perpetrator to also be the ‘fixer’. One moment, they hurt you, the next, they console you.

When you become accustomed to them soothing you, it can feel natural to bond with them. Even though they’re unsafe sometimes, they feel like healing the next. Even though it’s unhealthy, it might feel natural in the moment.

 

#6 You Rationalize

The theory of cognitive dissonance states that when two thoughts are at odds, usually something changes to even out the mental discomfort.

This is how we can explain a lot of things. For example, why do you get drunk when you know you’ll be hungover? You might rationalize it in many ways, like that you earned it after a tough week.

Similarly, trauma bonds can happen when we rationalize a person’s behavior. Why did they treat us so horribly? We might rationalize it’s because they’ve had a bad day or tough childhood. In this, we have feelings of sympathy and begin to feel closer to them, sealing a connection.

 

#7 You Constantly Worry About the Relationship State

In normal relationships, when something happens, it’s normal to worry whether things are okay or not. But in toxic relationships, you might be in a constant state of worry. Rather than the rare bad argument, you’re walking on eggshells each day.

Even when you try your best, it seems like small things can cause the person to lash out or act angry or inappropriate.

 

#8 You Understand Their Behavior

Many people in trauma bonds deeply understand their partner in a way nobody else will. They might know their own traumas or hardships and feel sorry for them. They see them for their faults and love them for it anyway.

This elevated level of compassion can lead a person to rationalize or excuse another’s behavior.

 

#9 You Downplay Call-Outs

Has anyone else noticed the person’s bad behavior toward you? If they’ve said something, have you downplayed it?

This is often a sign that you’re in a trauma bond. When you’re deeply attached to a person, the tendency is to defend their actions, even if you know they’re wrong.

A friend or family member might point out that your partner is acting rude toward you. In response, you might argue that it’s not too bad or lie and say it’s out of character.

 

Summary: Trauma Bonding Signs

Trauma bonding usually happens when someone repeats an inappropriate or abusive behavior. The victim grows attached and positive feelings are developed. This makes it hard to leave, even when the hurtful actions continue.

Knowing trauma bonding signs can help you determine whether you’re in that type of relationship yourself. It might also give you points to think about when trying to assess whether a loved one is experiencing a trauma bond.

trauma bonding signs

How to Get Over Someone You Love: 30-Day Breakup Challenge

By
YoHumanz
Get Over Someone You Love Breakup Challenge

Wondering how to get over someone you love?

Although it’s a process that takes, a 30-day breakup challenge can help kickstart the healing. It gives you time to grieve, get social again and rediscover yourself.

We’ll walk you through each day, starting at day one.

Keep reading to learn how to get over someone you love using our breakup challenge.

 

How to Get Over Someone You Love

Getting over someone you love is a process. Although you can do a 30-day breakup challenge, healing often takes longer than just one month.

How long until you’re recovered from your breakup? That depends on many factors like:

  • Your feelings toward them
  • How long you were together or had feelings toward them
  • Your level of attachment to them
  • Your general sensitivity
  • Your mental health prior and during the split

In other words, there’s so many factors that nobody can tell you how long it will take until you’re “healed” from someone. Instead, of thinking of your “healed day” as an end goal, realize that grief usually stays with you, it just changes. Although you might always remember your ex, the memory of them gets easier and easier to carry. And then one day, you may barely remember them.

In some situations, you may need to get over someone you love that you never even dated. Crushes that run deep or situatuationships that never make it to the relationship stage can also be painful endings.

Whichever your case and however long healing takes, try to be gentle with yourself. Have self-compassion and treat yourself like you’d treat a friend you’d love.

 

Why Do a 30-Day Breakup Challenge?

A 30-day breakup challenge can help you take steps to feel better after a split. Although full recovery probably takes longer, it can prevent you from getting stagnant.

It also gives you something to focus on. You’re less likely to think of your ex on repeat if you have a daily task to complete.

It can soothe your soul and kick you into action when you’d rather stay in bed. It may inspire change while gently bringing you out of your comfort zone to try new things. This can increase confidence, boosting your mood.

Throughout the process, the most important thing is to pay attention and honor your feelings. If you use this list as a distraction from your pain, your pain is unlikely to go away. Feelings need to be felt and there’s just no shortcut around that. It’s okay to give yourself time and space to cry. If you miss a day, go easy on yourself. There are no rules.

 

30-Day Breakup Challenge: How to Get Over Someone You Love

30 day breakup challenge

Are you ready to get started on your 30-day breakup challenge? We recommend jumping into Day One the day or a few days after your breakup. Give yourself space to process the situation before trying to move on.

 

Day 1: Sulk

We said to give yourself space before beginning this challenge. To really drive that home, we’re giving you an extra day. It’s your day to cry, take naps, stuff your face, rant with friends, be alone, anything you feel like doing. It’s your day to feel your feelings and process your emotions.

Day 2: Get Rid of Physical Items

There’s really no reason to keep holding on to your ex’s things if you’re really trying to let go. Make a plan for them:

Arrange to give them to your ex (you can leave them at their door if you don’t want to see them)

  • Throw it out
  • Donate it

While getting rid of anything your ex might have left in your home, also get rid of any other physical evidence of them. If you have pictures, get rid of them. If you can’t stomach doing that, take them out of the frame and put them in a box far out of reach. Any gifts from your ex should be out of sight too, if not donated. Anything that reminds you of your ex may trigger memories. Some day, they might be good memories. But right now, you need space for healing.

Day 3: Social Media Purge

If you followed the challenge in day two, your ex has already gotten their things back. There’s really no need to keep talking to them anymore. From this point forward, it’s safe to get rid of all their contact information.

Begin the social purge:

  • Delete and block on social media
  • Delete any photos of them on social media
  • Delete their phone number

This could be an emotional day, so make sure to give yourself some love and self-compassion.

Day 4: Start No-Contact

The part we all dread the most. It’s hard to stop talking to your ex after you’ve probably spoken to them every day. But you will be thankful for going no contact.

The no-contact period can last as long as you like. You might ban yourself from talking to your ex for 2 weeks, 2 months or forever. What’s right looks different to everyone.

Even if you need to talk to your ex for some reason, it’s a good idea to limit contact. Breaking the flow of natural contact can help you adjust faster to your new reality. It can also cut off any hope left for either partner, also speeding up healing.

Day 5: Choose a Breakup Buddy

If you can, choose someone in your life to be your “breakup buddy.” This is someone who can be your confidant or support friend for your breakup. Having a go-to person during this time is helpful.

You might be used to always texting your ex. Now, there’s an empty space. You might be used to hanging out with them, but now there seems to be a lot of free time. A breakup buddy can be the person you text and hang out with to help fill this gap.

It’s important not to overwhelm your Breakup Buddy; they need space to themselves too. Remember, they are there to support you, not to carry you through or be your therapist or 24/7 hotline.

If there’s no one in your life who can be this person, you might be able to meet a friend online or a Facebook support group.

Day 6: Make an Ongoing List of Ex’s Negative Traits

If you’re wondering how to get over someone you love, a good way to dampen your feelings is to count the bad things about them. Often, we see situations through rose-colored glasses, especially after they’ve ended and we miss someone.

Let’s be real though; not everything is great about your ex. Make a list of reasons you don’t like them. It could be as big or as small and petty as you want. Here’s some questions:

  • What won’t you accept again?
  • What are you glad you’ll never have to deal with again?
  • Did they treat you in ways you didn’t like?
  • What red flags did they pose?
  • The green flags did they not have?
  • Did they smell weird, have bad breath or refuse to ever dress up?
  • Are there big things you disagreed on?

Make a list in your phone’s notes app. Whenever you think of something, add it to the list. Whenever you miss your ex or feel like texting them, read the list.

Day 7: Make a Breakup Playlist

What songs will be your go-to throughout this healing process? Take some time to make a customized playlist. Include your favorites and classics, but also explore some new artists.

Since breaking up involves many emotions, choose songs that hit all of them. Make your playlist a healing journey:

  • Sad songs
  • Angry songs
  • Happy, moving on, better-off-without you songs

Day 8: Write Angry Text; Don’t Send It

You’ve had a few days to process the sadness of your breakup. At this point, you might begin getting angry. Whether you were the one who broke up with them or not, it’s normal to have feelings of anger.

To get it out, write an angry text. Say everything you want to say. What did they do wrong? Maybe you did something wrong and want to apologize. Maybe you feel manipulated and blind-sighted. Whatever the case, let it out.

Begin writing it in the morning and keep adding to the text as you think of more throughout the day or for as long as you want. But don’t send it. Never send it.

Day 9: Defy Your Ex (FU Day)

Do something that would piss your ex off today. Is there something they didn’t like? An activity they refused to participate in it? Do it for you today.

My ex didn’t like me going having a drink alone at a bar, so I did it when we broke up. If your ex didn’t like going for hikes, go for a hike. If they refused to order a certain type of food, enjoy it! Did they refuse to be seen in heels next to you? Wear your highest heels beside the tallest men. It’s your F U day.

Day 10: Find a New Show

Getting out and trying new things is important during a breakup, but sometimes we seek the comfort of home. Coming home to a new TV show can give us something simple to look forward to. Find a new show you love and watch a bit every day or when you have free time.

Day 11: Buy a New Clothing Piece You Feel Great In

Not everyone wants a breakup makeover, but it’s a good idea to buy something that makes you feel good. For some, that might be a fancy going-out dress. For others, it could be a cozy scarf. Choose an item you love and if you can afford to, splurge on yourself. You deserve it!

Day 12: Read the Book Attached

I swear by this book for every breakup. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment is an eye-opening read. It will help you discover your attachment style, the attachment style in your ex, and possibly, why relationships don’t work out for you.

It’s based on the psychology of the Attachment system. Through reading the book, you’ll be able to identify yourself as having a:

  1. Secure attachment style
  2. Anxious attachment style
  3. Anxious-Avoidant attachment style

They outline common relationship problems each one experiences. And, best of all, how you can avoid them next time.

Day 13: Get in Nature

There’s something that’s healing about nature. Choose a green space near you and take a walk or sit there for a while.

If you can, take a hike. Being on top of a hill can make you realize both literally and metaphorically how much more to the world there is. There are so many possibilities.

Day 14: Make Yourself Laugh

Find something today that makes you laugh and then indulge in it. That could be funny YouTube videos, a stand-up comedy or talking to your comedian friend.

Day 15: Go to Dinner with a Friend

Time to get out! Although you might want to stay inside and be sad forever, forcing yourself to be social may help. Ask a friend to go out to lunch or dinner. Pick a spot you love. Have a shower, get fresh, begin entering the world again.

Day 16: Do Something New and Physical

Some breakup challenges suggest you implement a new workout routine. Now is a great time to do that, but you don’t have to. Even adding a small physical activity to your routine can be helpful.

Exercise is known to help manage stress. It releases chemicals that make us feel better, leading to less depression. Choose something or a few things and try them out. It could be a class or a simple YouTube video:

  • Cardio workout
  • Beginners weight workout
  • Pilates
  • Yoga
  • Stretches
  • Tai Chi
  • Kickboxing
  • Dancing
  • Mindful walking
  • Learn to do the split

Day 17: Try a Meditation

Yesterday was about the body and today is about the mind. Let’s try your hand at meditating. If you already do, great. Use today to strengthen your practice.

If you’ve never meditated before, set aside some time to try it. There’s many different forms of meditation so choose one that works for you. Download an app or scroll through YouTube to find something that resonates with you. Some require you to sit silently. Others encourage you to imagine things visually.

The benefits of mediation include better mental health, like less stress and depression. In regards to a breakup, meditation can increase our mindfulness. That can make us more aware of our thoughts. When we’re better in control of our thinking, we can let the bad breakup thoughts slide by without grabbing hold.

Mediation is a good practice to add to your daily routine. It works best when done as a practice over time.

Day 18: List Your Best Traits

Breaking up with someone can take a hit on your self-esteem, even if you’re the one who decided to end it. To amp up your confidence, make a list of your positive traits.

Does it feel awkward, cheesy or weird. Okay. Let’s approach it from a different angle. Make a list based on the following question: What traits do you have that you’d also want a friend or partner to have?

Now, you have a list of reasons why the next person would be lucky to have you. Not just by your mom’s standards, but by your own 🙂

Day 19: Do a Kind Deed

Another thing you can do to make yourself feel better is to make someone else feel better. Think about what light you can shine on another’s day. Here’s some quick ideas:

  • Compliment 5 people
  • Leave positive sticky notes around
  • Tape coins to a vending machine
  • Leave dollar bills around a store
  • Write a note to a friend or family member saying how much they mean to you
  • Sign up for a charity walk or run
  • Pay for the coffee for the person behind you

Day 20: Do Something New That’s Creative

Take your new time to find a new hobby. Specifically, find something you can express yourself through. Ideas include:

  • Writing
  • Painting
  • Knitting
  • Paint by number
  • Video editing
  • Making jewelry
  • Podcasting

Day 21: Go to a New Place

Go somewhere new today. Whether it’s a part of town you’ve never explored, a new attraction or walking trail, experience something different today. 

Day 22: Make a Vision Board of Your Badass Self

Vision boards are used in manifestation to help you “attract” good into your life. Even if you don’t believe in this, vision boards are still fun to create. They can help you get clear on your goals. Looking at them can also inspire you and make you feel hopeful and excited about the future. And, when you’re going through a breakup, sometimes that’s what you need most.

Create a vision board on a piece of cardboard or canvas using a collage of pictures. Or, you can make one on Pinterest by simply pinning pictures to a board you create. If you want to make it private, you can make your Pinterest board secret.

Get excited about the things you save to your vision board. When choosing pictures, ask yourself:

  • Who do you want to be?
  • How do you want to dress like?
  • What do you want to be doing?
  • How do you want to be feeling?
  • What do you want to accomplish?
  • What hobbies do you have?
  • Who are you with?
  • Where do you live?

Day 23: Get a Dose of Unconditional Love

By now, you might feel like you’re missing out on the love. However, babies and animals give an unconditional amount of love. If you have a pet, spend time with them today. If not, seek out someone who has a pet or child you can spend time with.

Day 24: People Watch in a Coffee Shop

For another social outing dose, take some time today to sit in a coffee shop and people watch. Bring a book, your laptop, a phone or nothing at all.

Get comfortable sitting alone. Be with yourself for a bit. See that so many other people exist that aren’t your ex. Maybe you’ll even spot your next crush.

Day 25: Buy Some Lingerie or Nice PJs

Without your ex, you might be lacking physical intimacy. Add in some sensuality by buying yourself a nice piece of lingerie. That could be a good bra, comfortable panties or a sexy piece.

If you’re not into that at all, splurge on the comfiest pajamas you can find!

Day 26: Give Your Home or Room a Refresh

As you wind down your breakup challenge, give your space a revamp to signify a new chapter. Whether it’s your room, entire apartment or home, brainstorm changes you can make. Add or swap out furniture. Use contact paper. Add wall art. The options are as endless as your future 🙂

Day 27: Rewrite Your Routine

Your routine is the thing that stays with you every day. Changing up your routine can signify the big change in your life. It can help symbolize that you’re moving into a new chapter, one that’s better and completely different. How you edit your routine is up to you. Consider:

  • Adding a relaxing task, like meditating
  • Adding a learning task, like reading
  • Adding a health task, like working out or making a smoothie
  • Getting up earlier to work on a personal project
  • Going to bed earlier to get more sleep
  • Switch your walking routine to avoid your ex
  • Take a new route to work

Day 28: Add a New Self-Care Task You LOVE

I wrote this one as I meant it. Whatever your self-care regime is, add a new item that you ABSOLUTELY love. That is, something you look forward to each day or week. If you don’t like using your blackhead remover, that doesn’t count. It could be anything you genuinely love doing:

  • Facial steaming
  • A bath
  • A dab of essential oil on your wrists
  • Watching a funny comedy routine

Day 29: Make Mental Dream Partner

You might not be ready to go out dating yet, or anywhere close to it. That’s perfectly okay. It’s fun to dream of your next partner though. If you could have the perfect person for you, what would that look like? What traits would they have?

Make a list of things your dream partner would have. You can also add pictures to your vision board of people you find attractive or cute dates.

Day 30: Take New Profile Picture

To signify the end of your breakup challenge, take a new profile picture. Whether you want to get dressed up or go fresh fake, it’s totally up to you. Just make it a new start!

30 day breakup challenge

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